http://pespmc1.vub.ac.be/papers/GiftedProblems.pdf
When I was young, I was a child. humour there. I was also identified as a "gifted child" I did some IQ tests with psychologists in my primary school years, and earlier too... I had results in the 135-145 region, which indicates a very high result. The median is 100, so that 50% of people should be below and 50% of people will be above 100, and something like 95% of people will be between 80 an 120. I was also placed in a gifted group of about four of us, where we didnt have to do normal schoolwork one day a week, instead we would go on fieldtrips!
I was going through a few things a while ago and wanted to figure out why? I talked to my parents and they reminded me of the gifted child thing. Growing up, I had tried to forget it, coz gifted kids don't fit in. I was bullied, I was bored, everything was too easy, people my own age never got my jokes and attempts at conversation. I would talk to adults coz I was more on their level intellectually. So this babble is all part of me rediscovering who I am, before I denied it as a child.
I tried playing soccer, and ended up trialling for NZ... I tried playing drums without lessons or anything, that was easy too. I never studied at school or uni but passed everything with good grades and always handed in early. The list is endless! But before you think I am going on about how great I am, I struggle with other things that most people find really easy. Most people find someone nice, and just get married... Of course they have to work at it, but generally, people just do all of these socially "normal" things with relative ease. They like something, are good at it, so they have a great career as a teacher, or nurse, or builder etc... But when you are good at almost everything, and get bored of it very quickly, you never know what you want to do. Relationships have always been really hard. I'm not married at an age where my friends are all having numerous kids... I have no idea what i'm doing with my career, at an age when people are earning huge money, running businesses, etc... But I do have an imagination as big as this universe, with more colours and smells than the Chelsea flower show. I know thousands of things that I have never learnt or read about. I always win Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?! But basic life is not my strongpoint!
The Gifted Paradox
If I could give you an insight into what life is like as a "gifted adult" it could be this paradox that I just thought of: Deep, complex, creative, difficult, intellectual things are very easy, but simple, everyday things can be incredibly difficult.
The hard thing is that it is very difficult to find other people like this, so you spend your life hiding who you are so you can fit in. This is a terrible way to live, but if I was myself, I would probably have no friends! I try to meet other people where they are, because I can't expect other people to meet me where I am. But over the last three decades, this has caused much confusion about who I am! So now as a 30yr old, I am only redisovering the self I lost when life got too painful for this sensitive child.
Another thing which may help you understand me is the typically highly charged senses. I have to wear sunnies more than often, coz the light I see is probably brighter than the light you might see. I smell things that aren't there. I still have a child's innocent sense of wonder. I can look at a tree for hours, just watching the leaves dance, like God is moving each one individually, just for me. But No one would ever do that with me, they would be bored in 2mins. So the gifted are always lonely and feel like wierdos. I can spend all afternoon watching the leaves. And I do this every second I can. The hum of a crowd is actually dozens of conversations that are all catching my attention, and drawing my imagination and energy to. If someone asks you a question, you might have an answer, I probably have dozens, and can instantly imagine the next half hour of conversation! And then i'm bored because I have to wait for us to have that conversation when I have been waiting at the finish line for a while. Because so much information and options are instantly there, I often say nothing, because there is too much to decipher. Like logs flowing down a river, I get too many at once and it blocks the river. This is why I like to write, because I am forced to slow down to the speed of my slow typing! It's not only introverts who need time to answer, gifted people often do as well. Simple conversations and socialisations and relationships are actually a lot of hard work, which is why I can appear to be a bit wierd sometimes, although i'm good at managing these situations to not appear so.
I have done lots of research in to this whole thing in the last year or so. There are a few good sources of info... if you are really interested, then google "Gifted Adults".
Gifted doesn't mean better, or smarter or anything else... they just experience life with much more depth, colour, passion, strong feelings etc, and this can be overwhelming when ordinary demands are placed on them coz so there is always so much going on inside.
I just had to get something of my chest :O)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
cake or road
Yeah, so I have been thinking... I love reading books, and articles on the internet. I am almost a daily visitor to Wikipedia, and can honestly lose hours on it once I start. Yes I am a knowledge geek.
I know lots of other people who like to read as well. They read all kinds of books. Some read the bible. Some read moon-man books. Others read all kinds of books in between. Some read one book in their lives. Some read thousands. That's good. We are all different, so it makes sense that our reading habits are different, doesn't it?
I think it is very important to gain knowledge. I think it's more important to gain wisdom, but knowledge is a common precursor to wisdom, so gain as much understanding as you possibly can. Knowledge is also a great way to remove ignorance from your life. Yeah, people say , ignorance is bliss, but only only when you use that quote in context. Don't use it as an excuse to be ignorant, or stupid. I'm not talking about school education either...not all of us were fortunate enough to have had a good upbringing and schooling. Not all of our parents wanted us to be knowledgeable either. I'm talking about something different.
You may have heard the quote "when you stop learning, you start dying". Well, you've heard it now :P
I have a problem when people decide that they know it all. I am very easy-going, but when people a close-minded to new things, I get rather annoyed.
I really don't care how much someone knows, but I DO care about their attitude to learning. Someone who is open to new things has an attitude that says, "I don't know anything, I want to learn more", whereas a person who is close-minded about new things, or ideas, has an attitude that says "I know everything, and I don't need to know anything else".
Now I would like to put all of this into some sort of context...
Well, as someone who believes in God, and His Son Jesus, I think that we should be reading our bibles. Not as a religious duty of a Christian Legal System, but coz we want to keep learning. I also think that it is very important to read all kinds of other books and articles etc... Reading your bible is often like your bread, veges and water... All these other books are like your treats, your spices, your icecream etc... They are often very helpful at enjoying your life, and may give you a quick-fix pick me up, to add a bit of colour to your life. But your bible is the one staple diet that makes you healthy, strong, and useful to others. It may at times taste boring, but you need it. If all you did was eat treats, you would end up sick, unhealthy and no use to others. Or yourself!
I think it is wrong to read only your bible, if it makes you dogmatic, religious, closeminded, angry, defensive.
I also think it is wrong to read all kinds of books, if it makes you whacko, Dan Brown, Moon-Man loopy, anything goes.
You will need to self-medicate. If all you do is read your bible, be aware that you could be a religious freak.... GET REAL!!! isn't it ALL about loving God and others anyway? But if all you do is read "other" books, be aware that you could be a stupid hippy dropkick...GET OVER YOURSELF!!! if you are too open minded your brains will fall out. You don't decide what truth is. Truth does!
Your bible is the main road, all other books are dead end streets on the way... you might get something from visiting them, but in the end, if you really want to go somewhere, you need to head back to the main road. Only an idiot would plan a journey and then spend their time parked up on dead end streets. It makes no sense! Conversely, if all you do is drive down the main road, you may never see the real world. You will get where you are going, and if that's all you want to do, then go for it! But, some of us like to explore the details along the way to make our journey a deeper, richer experience.
Right, that's enough exploring, time to hit the road again!
I know lots of other people who like to read as well. They read all kinds of books. Some read the bible. Some read moon-man books. Others read all kinds of books in between. Some read one book in their lives. Some read thousands. That's good. We are all different, so it makes sense that our reading habits are different, doesn't it?
I think it is very important to gain knowledge. I think it's more important to gain wisdom, but knowledge is a common precursor to wisdom, so gain as much understanding as you possibly can. Knowledge is also a great way to remove ignorance from your life. Yeah, people say , ignorance is bliss, but only only when you use that quote in context. Don't use it as an excuse to be ignorant, or stupid. I'm not talking about school education either...not all of us were fortunate enough to have had a good upbringing and schooling. Not all of our parents wanted us to be knowledgeable either. I'm talking about something different.
You may have heard the quote "when you stop learning, you start dying". Well, you've heard it now :P
I have a problem when people decide that they know it all. I am very easy-going, but when people a close-minded to new things, I get rather annoyed.
I really don't care how much someone knows, but I DO care about their attitude to learning. Someone who is open to new things has an attitude that says, "I don't know anything, I want to learn more", whereas a person who is close-minded about new things, or ideas, has an attitude that says "I know everything, and I don't need to know anything else".
Now I would like to put all of this into some sort of context...
Well, as someone who believes in God, and His Son Jesus, I think that we should be reading our bibles. Not as a religious duty of a Christian Legal System, but coz we want to keep learning. I also think that it is very important to read all kinds of other books and articles etc... Reading your bible is often like your bread, veges and water... All these other books are like your treats, your spices, your icecream etc... They are often very helpful at enjoying your life, and may give you a quick-fix pick me up, to add a bit of colour to your life. But your bible is the one staple diet that makes you healthy, strong, and useful to others. It may at times taste boring, but you need it. If all you did was eat treats, you would end up sick, unhealthy and no use to others. Or yourself!
I think it is wrong to read only your bible, if it makes you dogmatic, religious, closeminded, angry, defensive.
I also think it is wrong to read all kinds of books, if it makes you whacko, Dan Brown, Moon-Man loopy, anything goes.
You will need to self-medicate. If all you do is read your bible, be aware that you could be a religious freak.... GET REAL!!! isn't it ALL about loving God and others anyway? But if all you do is read "other" books, be aware that you could be a stupid hippy dropkick...GET OVER YOURSELF!!! if you are too open minded your brains will fall out. You don't decide what truth is. Truth does!
Your bible is the main road, all other books are dead end streets on the way... you might get something from visiting them, but in the end, if you really want to go somewhere, you need to head back to the main road. Only an idiot would plan a journey and then spend their time parked up on dead end streets. It makes no sense! Conversely, if all you do is drive down the main road, you may never see the real world. You will get where you are going, and if that's all you want to do, then go for it! But, some of us like to explore the details along the way to make our journey a deeper, richer experience.
Right, that's enough exploring, time to hit the road again!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Introvert Guilt
As you might know, introverts love time by themselves. Extroverts don't naturally understand this and can easily get annoyed with their introvert friends because of their lack of understanding, thinking that they are wierd, rude, antisocial, selfish, and that they don't care about others. These judgements are based in ignorance of others who are different from them.It's not always their fault, it's the way our society seems to work, and is a natural mindset in this time where people are too busy to really put any effort in to thinking about meaningful things.
This underlying pressure to not be introverted, tells the introvert that who they are is not ok, and that they must socialise and be extroverted to be normal. This pressure makes the introvert feel like they must always say "yes" to every social event, so that their extroverted friends won't attack them with disapproval and hurtful assumptions.
Out of this pressure to be extroverted, spawns an incidious phenomena, commonly referred to as "Introvert guilt". This happens when you crave time alone, but feel guilty for neglecting your family and friends.
Overcoming introvert guilt - which many people with introverted personality traits feel when they take time for themselves - can be as simple as making a schedule and sticking to it!
“Our modern society puts more emphasis on getting along in parties and groups, assertiveness and classic extroverted personality traits,” says Suite101 writer Alicia King. “Society's lessons can make us feel wrong about wanting solitude.”
Introverted personality traits go against the norm in many communities, companies, and groups. Introverts prefer to spend time alone or with one or two others. Many introverts accept invitations to events and activities because of introvert guilt (actually, whether we’re introverts or extroverts, many of us are people pleasers who have a hard time saying no).
Introverts are relatively easily overstimulated at work or in groups of people. A tell-tale introverted personality characteristic is how they get their energy. Introverts need to be alone to feel refreshed and back in touch with themselves. In contrast, extroverts get their energy from groups of people.
So here's some tips for introverts to deal with this, from some websites I have been reading:
Overcoming Introvert Guilt
1.Know your personality. The more you learn about your introverted personality characteristics, the more familiar and normal they become. When you know yourself, you can accept yourself.
2.Schedule downtime. Write it on your calendar or in your daytimer: Mon, Weds and Fri from 4 to 5:30 pm is your time. Do whatever it is that fills you up again with positive energy.
3.Practice saying no. The more you say no even if you feel guilty, the easier it’ll get. You don’t have to have a reason to say no (though needing time alone is one of the best reasons there is).
4.Unite with fellow introverted personality types. Learn to identify people with introverted personality characteristics. Maybe you have a close friend to visit with, but you don’t necessarily want to talk the whole time. If she’s an introvert, discuss ways to be together without constant conversation. Carpooling to the gym works because you can chat to and from the fitness centre, and still have some quiet time on the machines.
5.Don't take other's disapproval personally. Just because you do things differently from them and they don't always get it, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you! We all like other people to like us, but that should just be the icing on the cake to our self-esteem. You are made in a certain, unique way, so just accept yourself and hang out with people who understand and appreciate you for who you are. Don't spend too much time with people who make you feel bad about who you are, it's not healthy.
It is OK to spend time by yourself, don't feel bad :D
This underlying pressure to not be introverted, tells the introvert that who they are is not ok, and that they must socialise and be extroverted to be normal. This pressure makes the introvert feel like they must always say "yes" to every social event, so that their extroverted friends won't attack them with disapproval and hurtful assumptions.
Out of this pressure to be extroverted, spawns an incidious phenomena, commonly referred to as "Introvert guilt". This happens when you crave time alone, but feel guilty for neglecting your family and friends.
Overcoming introvert guilt - which many people with introverted personality traits feel when they take time for themselves - can be as simple as making a schedule and sticking to it!
“Our modern society puts more emphasis on getting along in parties and groups, assertiveness and classic extroverted personality traits,” says Suite101 writer Alicia King. “Society's lessons can make us feel wrong about wanting solitude.”
Introverted personality traits go against the norm in many communities, companies, and groups. Introverts prefer to spend time alone or with one or two others. Many introverts accept invitations to events and activities because of introvert guilt (actually, whether we’re introverts or extroverts, many of us are people pleasers who have a hard time saying no).
Introverts are relatively easily overstimulated at work or in groups of people. A tell-tale introverted personality characteristic is how they get their energy. Introverts need to be alone to feel refreshed and back in touch with themselves. In contrast, extroverts get their energy from groups of people.
So here's some tips for introverts to deal with this, from some websites I have been reading:
Overcoming Introvert Guilt
1.Know your personality. The more you learn about your introverted personality characteristics, the more familiar and normal they become. When you know yourself, you can accept yourself.
2.Schedule downtime. Write it on your calendar or in your daytimer: Mon, Weds and Fri from 4 to 5:30 pm is your time. Do whatever it is that fills you up again with positive energy.
3.Practice saying no. The more you say no even if you feel guilty, the easier it’ll get. You don’t have to have a reason to say no (though needing time alone is one of the best reasons there is).
4.Unite with fellow introverted personality types. Learn to identify people with introverted personality characteristics. Maybe you have a close friend to visit with, but you don’t necessarily want to talk the whole time. If she’s an introvert, discuss ways to be together without constant conversation. Carpooling to the gym works because you can chat to and from the fitness centre, and still have some quiet time on the machines.
5.Don't take other's disapproval personally. Just because you do things differently from them and they don't always get it, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you! We all like other people to like us, but that should just be the icing on the cake to our self-esteem. You are made in a certain, unique way, so just accept yourself and hang out with people who understand and appreciate you for who you are. Don't spend too much time with people who make you feel bad about who you are, it's not healthy.
It is OK to spend time by yourself, don't feel bad :D
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Strengthfinders Results
Strengthfinders Results: Top Five (In order)
1. Intellection
You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the “muscles” of your brain, stretching them in multiple directions. This need for mental activity may be focused; for example, you may be trying to solve a problem or develop an idea or understand another person’s feelings. The exact focus will depend on your other strengths. On the other hand, this mental activity may very well lack focus. The theme of Intellection does not dictate what you are thinking about; it simply describes that you like to think. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.
2.Strategic
The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, “What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?” This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path—your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: “What if?” Select. Strike.
3.Responsibility
Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done. When people come to you for help—and they soon will—you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.
4.Adaptability
You live in the moment. You don’t see the future as a fixed destination. Instead, you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have plans. You probably do. But this theme of Adaptability does enable you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. Indeed, on some level you actually look forward to them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once.
5.Connectedness
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.
1. Intellection
You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the “muscles” of your brain, stretching them in multiple directions. This need for mental activity may be focused; for example, you may be trying to solve a problem or develop an idea or understand another person’s feelings. The exact focus will depend on your other strengths. On the other hand, this mental activity may very well lack focus. The theme of Intellection does not dictate what you are thinking about; it simply describes that you like to think. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.
2.Strategic
The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, “What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?” This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path—your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: “What if?” Select. Strike.
3.Responsibility
Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done. When people come to you for help—and they soon will—you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.
4.Adaptability
You live in the moment. You don’t see the future as a fixed destination. Instead, you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have plans. You probably do. But this theme of Adaptability does enable you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. Indeed, on some level you actually look forward to them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once.
5.Connectedness
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts
Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts
By: Brian Kim - October 2, 2007
First off, there are those who are reading this who might not know which camp they fall into, the extrovert or the introvert. Chances are, the majority of those reading this will know, but for those who don’t, let’s define those two terms here very broadly.
Extroverts tend to be those who are more energized when around other people. They are the ones who will reach for the cell phone when alone for more than a minute, the ones who love to go out every weekend, the ones who love to chit chat, mingle, and socialize.
Introverts tend to be those who are more energized when alone with themselves. They are the ones who have to be dragged to parties, who are the first ones ready to leave after a short period of time, and who generally enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.
The qualities and characteristics of introverts are often held in a negative light in today’s world, so it’s only natural that the majority of people seem to think that there’s something wrong with them.
The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.
Many people tend to hold several potentially damaging misconceptions about introverts, but through no fault of their own.
I’ve been on both sides of the extrovert/introvert fence, and I can understand why extroverts tend to view introverts in a negative light, socially speaking, so I thought it would be best to write an article dedicated to helping extroverts understand their often very misunderstood introvert counterparts.
My hope is this article will help solve that problem by shedding some light as to why introverts are the way they are and do the things they do, so here are 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts.
1. If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.
This is probably THE biggest misconception that extroverts tend to have when it comes to introverts.
And you can’t really blame them for having that kind of misconception.
Extroverts tend to have to drag introverts to parties, to convince them to go and sell them on attending social engagements. When introverts politely decline, extroverts automatically assume that something might be wrong so they always ask if everything’s all right and of course, everything is all right. It’s just a common misunderstanding. When extroverts see a pattern like this developing, they automatically assume that introverts are shy or anti-social as that can be the only logical explanation to them.
What’s more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall.
Add to that, most extroverts see that introverts tend to be fond of engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.
Well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right?
Wrong.
Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking.
Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them.
There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.
The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.
Granted there are introverts who may be shy and anti-social, but that’s just a coincidence that perpetuates the myth that ALL introverts are like that.
You’ll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.
2. Introverts tend to dislike small talk.
If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met.
This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
Why?
Because extroverts notice that introverts don’t talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they’re too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that’s hardly the case.
It’s just a matter of preference.
Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.
There’s nothing wrong with either choice, it’s just a matter of preference.
This brings us to the third point.
3. Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
Yes, it’s true. Contrary to the majority of public opinion, introverts do like to socialize, but again, only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.
And what’s more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.
4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.
Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.
They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.
5. Introverts are socially well adjusted.
Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.
This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
It’s easy to understand why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society so having to interact frequently with people came to be a regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.
But because of this high value placed on extroversion, introverts tend to feel trapped and find themselves in a catch 22 situation.
Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they’re not just to fit in?
This is precisely why I wrote this article, because if the extroverts can become more educated about introverts, introverts will be able to feel free to stay true to who they are, and that’s a good thing from society’s point of view.
Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with introverts.
In fact, introverts are the leading pioneers of advancements in human civilization. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts that come to mind, just to name a few.
And for those of you not interested in science, but pop culture, you’ll be surprised to see a lot of well known names in Hollywood are introverts as well. Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Christian Bale to name a few as well.
And for those interested in sports, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods come to mind as athletes who are introverts as well.
Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too.
The more extroverts become knowledgeable about introverts, the less tension and misunderstanding there will be among the two.
So if you’re an introvert reading this, send a copy of this article to all your extrovert friends so they can get a better idea of what you’re all about.
It’s time to finally clear the air.
By: Brian Kim - October 2, 2007
First off, there are those who are reading this who might not know which camp they fall into, the extrovert or the introvert. Chances are, the majority of those reading this will know, but for those who don’t, let’s define those two terms here very broadly.
Extroverts tend to be those who are more energized when around other people. They are the ones who will reach for the cell phone when alone for more than a minute, the ones who love to go out every weekend, the ones who love to chit chat, mingle, and socialize.
Introverts tend to be those who are more energized when alone with themselves. They are the ones who have to be dragged to parties, who are the first ones ready to leave after a short period of time, and who generally enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.
The qualities and characteristics of introverts are often held in a negative light in today’s world, so it’s only natural that the majority of people seem to think that there’s something wrong with them.
The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.
Many people tend to hold several potentially damaging misconceptions about introverts, but through no fault of their own.
I’ve been on both sides of the extrovert/introvert fence, and I can understand why extroverts tend to view introverts in a negative light, socially speaking, so I thought it would be best to write an article dedicated to helping extroverts understand their often very misunderstood introvert counterparts.
My hope is this article will help solve that problem by shedding some light as to why introverts are the way they are and do the things they do, so here are 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts.
1. If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.
This is probably THE biggest misconception that extroverts tend to have when it comes to introverts.
And you can’t really blame them for having that kind of misconception.
Extroverts tend to have to drag introverts to parties, to convince them to go and sell them on attending social engagements. When introverts politely decline, extroverts automatically assume that something might be wrong so they always ask if everything’s all right and of course, everything is all right. It’s just a common misunderstanding. When extroverts see a pattern like this developing, they automatically assume that introverts are shy or anti-social as that can be the only logical explanation to them.
What’s more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall.
Add to that, most extroverts see that introverts tend to be fond of engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.
Well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right?
Wrong.
Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking.
Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them.
There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.
The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.
Granted there are introverts who may be shy and anti-social, but that’s just a coincidence that perpetuates the myth that ALL introverts are like that.
You’ll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.
2. Introverts tend to dislike small talk.
If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met.
This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.
Why?
Because extroverts notice that introverts don’t talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they’re too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that’s hardly the case.
It’s just a matter of preference.
Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.
There’s nothing wrong with either choice, it’s just a matter of preference.
This brings us to the third point.
3. Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
Yes, it’s true. Contrary to the majority of public opinion, introverts do like to socialize, but again, only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.
Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.
And what’s more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.
4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.
Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.
They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.
5. Introverts are socially well adjusted.
Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.
This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.
It’s easy to understand why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society so having to interact frequently with people came to be a regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.
But because of this high value placed on extroversion, introverts tend to feel trapped and find themselves in a catch 22 situation.
Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they’re not just to fit in?
This is precisely why I wrote this article, because if the extroverts can become more educated about introverts, introverts will be able to feel free to stay true to who they are, and that’s a good thing from society’s point of view.
Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.
There’s nothing wrong with introverts.
In fact, introverts are the leading pioneers of advancements in human civilization. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts that come to mind, just to name a few.
And for those of you not interested in science, but pop culture, you’ll be surprised to see a lot of well known names in Hollywood are introverts as well. Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Christian Bale to name a few as well.
And for those interested in sports, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods come to mind as athletes who are introverts as well.
Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too.
The more extroverts become knowledgeable about introverts, the less tension and misunderstanding there will be among the two.
So if you’re an introvert reading this, send a copy of this article to all your extrovert friends so they can get a better idea of what you’re all about.
It’s time to finally clear the air.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Know Yourself
I love learning about personalities and individual's differences. We all have different strengths and weaknesses and have to interact with other people who have different combinations. As you probably know, this can cause all sorts of reactions when two people try to relate to eachother. Sometimes the resulting interactions are positive, and other times negative. Some people live easily with eachother, and some people are always getting on eachother's nerves!
I believe that God has knitted us together from before we were even born, and has given us each and completely unique combination of gifts, so that we can go into the world and do good things which He has designed us to do. Some people are put together with the ideal temperament, personality, abilities etc to be a tradesman. Others, to be a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, etc.
One huge reason why I love personality studies etc, is because I know it can help people find what they are good at, and therefore, what area of work they should get into... and then they are more likely to enjoy their lives! No one person is the same as the next, and we should never put ourselves into a labelled box, but having a general idea is better than having no idea, don't you think! As I said earlier, we have been DESIGNED with a certain purpose in mind. I personally think that you NEED TO KNOW who you are, in order to live out God's will for your life. If you don't spend time figuring out who you were made to be, then you will spend your life being who you THINK YOU ARE. There's a difference. For example, I could think that I am an awesome bank manager, and do everything I can to live out this belief. As long as everyone else thinks i'm cool and I am earning money etc who cares right?! Wrong! The reality is that my personality, how my brain works, what I enjoy, etc, don't line up with that! I am being fake, for whatever reason... maybe to fit in or please others?
(btw, I once worked in a bank and didn't enjoy it! But I did get to wear a suit to impress other people! Sounds lame to me now, but I actually wanted to wear a suit back then so that other people would be impressed. How embarrassing!)
If I had known about my strengths and weaknesses and giftings, then I wouldn't have struggled away for months in that bank! Don't get me wrong, God can use all things for good, and I did learn a few things, but sometimes you just don't need to do everything the hard way!
One one the most life changing times of my life was at Ministry Training College, when I discovered The Myers-Briggs personality test. It gave me such a clear picture of who I am. As I said, it's just a guide, but a scarily accurate one at that! Sometimes I fit the box, sometimes a bit less, but it has been incredibly helpful to me in the last 5 years when dealing with other people and myself. I highly recommend this tool, to help you learn about yourself, because if you don't continually learn about yourself, how can you love others as youself? And how can you live an authentic life if you are pretending to be something you aren't? If you know you you are, then you can start to accept that, then you are free to love others.
There's heaps of different sites to try out, but these are a couple of good ones :)
hwww.personalitypage.com
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator
I believe that God has knitted us together from before we were even born, and has given us each and completely unique combination of gifts, so that we can go into the world and do good things which He has designed us to do. Some people are put together with the ideal temperament, personality, abilities etc to be a tradesman. Others, to be a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, etc.
One huge reason why I love personality studies etc, is because I know it can help people find what they are good at, and therefore, what area of work they should get into... and then they are more likely to enjoy their lives! No one person is the same as the next, and we should never put ourselves into a labelled box, but having a general idea is better than having no idea, don't you think! As I said earlier, we have been DESIGNED with a certain purpose in mind. I personally think that you NEED TO KNOW who you are, in order to live out God's will for your life. If you don't spend time figuring out who you were made to be, then you will spend your life being who you THINK YOU ARE. There's a difference. For example, I could think that I am an awesome bank manager, and do everything I can to live out this belief. As long as everyone else thinks i'm cool and I am earning money etc who cares right?! Wrong! The reality is that my personality, how my brain works, what I enjoy, etc, don't line up with that! I am being fake, for whatever reason... maybe to fit in or please others?
(btw, I once worked in a bank and didn't enjoy it! But I did get to wear a suit to impress other people! Sounds lame to me now, but I actually wanted to wear a suit back then so that other people would be impressed. How embarrassing!)
If I had known about my strengths and weaknesses and giftings, then I wouldn't have struggled away for months in that bank! Don't get me wrong, God can use all things for good, and I did learn a few things, but sometimes you just don't need to do everything the hard way!
One one the most life changing times of my life was at Ministry Training College, when I discovered The Myers-Briggs personality test. It gave me such a clear picture of who I am. As I said, it's just a guide, but a scarily accurate one at that! Sometimes I fit the box, sometimes a bit less, but it has been incredibly helpful to me in the last 5 years when dealing with other people and myself. I highly recommend this tool, to help you learn about yourself, because if you don't continually learn about yourself, how can you love others as youself? And how can you live an authentic life if you are pretending to be something you aren't? If you know you you are, then you can start to accept that, then you are free to love others.
There's heaps of different sites to try out, but these are a couple of good ones :)
hwww.personalitypage.com
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator
Saturday, January 22, 2011
New Years Revolutions
Well, another year has been and gone, with all the ups and downs that i've come to expect from life. My biggest high of the year was when I bought my first home. I had been working and saving for a number of years, feeling like I would never gather enough money to get a deposit. It was made more difficult with banks requiring higher and higher deposits due to the global financial situation. But, literally overnight, I had put in an offer and had it accepted! It was so exciting!
The place needed a lot of work. So I replaced the carpet, curtains, flooring, splashed a bit of paint around and did some landscaping. The crowing glory has to be my hardwood deck out the back, replacing the wasteland area the had been there for 30 years. Working in the trades has allowed me to get free plants, and cheaper timber etc, which has really helped on a tight budget. I'm really proud of myself, buying and renovating a home all by myself. The next plan is to build a garden shed!
But that's not what I wanted to talk about. My New Years resolution, (or Revolution) as I like to call them, was an original idea. To get fit. Basically, I had had enough of being called fatty, even though it was mostly in a joking way, and decided to do something about it. I joined the gym.
I have a top-class facility only 2mins drive or 7mins cycle from my place. I have been going for three weeks now, at least 4-5 times per week. It's not the first time I have been to a gym. I used to play a lot of competitive sport and have been through at least a dozen memberships over the years. I used most of them ;). So this is nothing new for me in that sense. I guess what feels new is my attitude. I would say that this time I have some real determination and discipline that hasn't always been there. It's encouraging to know that I have grown in this area.
My first discouragement came after two weeks when I weighed myself, only to see that I was EXACTLY the same weight. 10 hard workouts down and I hadn't shed even one fraction of a KG! It was at this point that my trainer said, "You don't just lose weight instantly, you have to do the ground work and build muscle (which actually adds weight) before you start to lose it. He also said that weight isn't too important, your body shape, and how you feel is what's important.
Anyway... I guess what i'm trying to say is this: In the whole area of change, the most important thing is to keep doing the right thing, the results will take care of themselves. Keep focussed on the goal, put in the work and the rest will happen. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged because things don't happen the way you want them to. It's the longer term that's more important.
So keep doing the hard work, even when it feels like there is no evidence of change or growth or anyone else even noticing a thing. Try not to measure your change by readings that the world tells you to, measure your change on your goals and visions for your life. God puts things in our hearts, and how we line up with those is more important than how we line up to other's expectations or standards.
New Year's RESOLUTIONS don't always work, but New Year's REVOLUTIONS means a new way of life,
The place needed a lot of work. So I replaced the carpet, curtains, flooring, splashed a bit of paint around and did some landscaping. The crowing glory has to be my hardwood deck out the back, replacing the wasteland area the had been there for 30 years. Working in the trades has allowed me to get free plants, and cheaper timber etc, which has really helped on a tight budget. I'm really proud of myself, buying and renovating a home all by myself. The next plan is to build a garden shed!
But that's not what I wanted to talk about. My New Years resolution, (or Revolution) as I like to call them, was an original idea. To get fit. Basically, I had had enough of being called fatty, even though it was mostly in a joking way, and decided to do something about it. I joined the gym.
I have a top-class facility only 2mins drive or 7mins cycle from my place. I have been going for three weeks now, at least 4-5 times per week. It's not the first time I have been to a gym. I used to play a lot of competitive sport and have been through at least a dozen memberships over the years. I used most of them ;). So this is nothing new for me in that sense. I guess what feels new is my attitude. I would say that this time I have some real determination and discipline that hasn't always been there. It's encouraging to know that I have grown in this area.
My first discouragement came after two weeks when I weighed myself, only to see that I was EXACTLY the same weight. 10 hard workouts down and I hadn't shed even one fraction of a KG! It was at this point that my trainer said, "You don't just lose weight instantly, you have to do the ground work and build muscle (which actually adds weight) before you start to lose it. He also said that weight isn't too important, your body shape, and how you feel is what's important.
Anyway... I guess what i'm trying to say is this: In the whole area of change, the most important thing is to keep doing the right thing, the results will take care of themselves. Keep focussed on the goal, put in the work and the rest will happen. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged because things don't happen the way you want them to. It's the longer term that's more important.
So keep doing the hard work, even when it feels like there is no evidence of change or growth or anyone else even noticing a thing. Try not to measure your change by readings that the world tells you to, measure your change on your goals and visions for your life. God puts things in our hearts, and how we line up with those is more important than how we line up to other's expectations or standards.
New Year's RESOLUTIONS don't always work, but New Year's REVOLUTIONS means a new way of life,
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