Howdy, Stranger!

Hello. I've got some exciting news! It's the best news EVER!!!

Two minutes later...

Hey! I've got some new exciting news for you!

Five minutes later...

I just saw the most EPIC thing EVER!!!

Three minutes later...

This one thing will completely change your life!

Our attention spans are so much shorter than they have ever been...

It's not good enough to hear the best news you have ever heard.

Two minutes later you have probably got bored and forgotten it and want something more!

What did I read three lines ago?

I wonder what's on MTV?

I just checked, and I have 20 draft blogs, that I have written, but not posted. (You are welcome). It made me realise how many ideas I get, but then get another one and forget the previous one and move on.

What if I didn't think like a goldfish and actually finished more of these blogs.

But I get distracted and want to move on.

I'm not going to write a 'proper' blog today.

I would just be adding to this 'Shallowisation of Society'.

This 'Superficialisation' of our culture.

The 'Conveyer Belt of Idea Consumerism'

There are so many profound truths in this world, which all get lost in the crowd.

Especially if their delivery isn't entertaining.

We spend a lot of time watching tv, so someone can tell us what to think

I know this is true because I saw it on tv...

Remember the word 'meditation'?

It's not just a buddhist thing, with butterflies flying around your head.

You don't have to empty your mind

Then there's nothing in there and all sorts of stupid things can fill it up

You can actually meditate on good things

Yes! Try thinking this thought here over and over for even just a minute:

Can you sit still for a minute?

I'm loved by and significant to God and my friends and family, I've got a great future, I have so much good stuff in my life, today's gonna be a good day...

Try that...

Tell me you don't feel better afterwards :)

But that pretty much doesn't happen

People are too busy being busy

Not doing too much

But still always busy

If you have a constant flow of pointless information pouring into you, you will always be busy

I'm bored

What's next

The economy is stuffed, the world is blowing itself to pieces...

So what...?

That's not your problem

So don't worry about it:)

You know, I have now spent around six months not driving

Lying on my couch

Not going out of the house for a week at times. Often.

I hadn't been to the supermarket for months

Recently, I got a ride to Countdown, for some normal life sanity

I was quite uncomfortable, people were walking fast all over the place, I was holding people up, by walking 'slowly'

EVERYONE WAS IN A HURRY!

Walking fast, rushing around, standing impatiently in a queue, pushing ahead of others, not smiling... I was shocked actually.

Not because I'm perfect or better than them

But because there was such a stark difference to the speed of life I had gotten used to!

I've been living at home, not in a rush, no transport, sweet as!

Back into the 'Rat Race', I noticed how appropriate that title was!

Just chill out

We are human beings.

We are not human doings.

In attempting to not write a blog, I have actually written one. Apologies.

I WILL post this one

Slow down

Open your eyes

Think for yourself

Look at, or even, heaven forbid, smile at a stranger! If you do well at these difficult and dangerous tasks, you may even want to try saying hello to someone you don't know! They probably won't kill you, so it could be fun

They are probably just as scared as you!

We are not kids anymore, being offered lollies by a strange looking man as we walk home from primary school

It's ok to talk to strangers now

Take some time to make someone else smile and feel valued

You have no idea what the positive consequences might be!

A better world has to start somewhere

Why not with you and me?

I would like to close with a metaphor (or whatever the proper term is!)


Many of us want to make a difference. To change our world in some small way. But we don't do anything about it. Coz we think it's too hard. Starting an avalanche is tough, but throwing that first small snowball is pretty easy. If we realise this, and just throw a few snowballs everyday, God's in the avalanche business. And He loves playing in the snow with his kids!

Birthday

It's my birthday! Yay!

What a year!

21 years ago, I was born! And the world has been in trouble ever since! 21 years ago, a brand new person came into the world. I don't have many memories of the day, and those that I do have are a little bit graphic, so I will keep them to myself. ( All the visual people feel a bit grossed out at this point, sorry).

With all the ups and downs I've been through lately, I have come to understand those old cliches, "one day at a time". Each day is gift, that's why we call it the present. His mercies are new each day. Weeping comes at night, but joy comes in the morning...

So, while today is officially, in the natural world, my Birthday, I genuinely believe and feel like everyday is my birthday, because each morning I wake up, I am a new person, with a whole new day ahead of me. Something I have never experienced before.

Same for you! Yay!

Today has never happened before, just like the first ever day I experienced. Just like the first day we all experienced.

We all know the cliches such as, I don't need to celebrate just one day, "every day is Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Valentines Day, Christmas Day?..." Why don't we add "every day is my Birthday!" to that list? I've never been the biggest fan of cheesy cliches, but often that's because of my small-minded, cynical NZ cultured attitude. Ah yes, cynicism, the destroyer of hope. Not evidence of intelligence. I was wrong.

But they are often cliches because they are true! They can be deeper truths that most people never quite grasp or fully understand. A lot has to do with our busy, shallow, Hollywood, selfish culture, which discourages people from anything that is "too hard" (whiney voice).

Why can't we be new people every day, celebrating that we are alive. Why can't we celebrate that our friends and family are alive, after all, it's their birthday too if they want it! Why can't we celebrate together?

For many of us, this has been the hardest year of our lives. Earthquakes, lost city, lost family, lost friends, lost jobs, serious health problems, damaged homes, lost freedoms (I just got engaged;)),and that's just my list! But we can't focus on that stuff! As our Pastor Paul Bennetts said yesterday at church, if you lose your hope for the future, it's only a matter of time before bitterness takes you over (paraphrased). I don't know about you, but I can't stand hanging out with bitter people! I don't know how they can live with themselves 24/7!

All that's in the past, and can be hard to deal with, but we do need to eventually get over it. Often, It's not as simple as that. Get counseling, go to church, talk with your friends, pray or whatever, but you need to forget what is behind and press on to the future. Self pity would say, but that's too hard, don't you understand how I feel!? My life sucks, I feel like I've lost everything, you just don't understand...

Yes. I probably understand a little bit. God understands fully. Tell Him. If you don't believe in God, well that's your choice, but I know from experience, that you will never regret just one little prayer, when no one else is around to know you did it. You could be pleasantly surprised.

After all, it's your birthday isn't it!? I don't want to sulk all day in self pity so that others feel sorry for me! What a waste of a birthday! I know I've got lots left, but they do run out. That's the shocking news here folks, life is terminal. 100% of people infected with life will die. Thankfully, there's something else to look forward to after this life. A new, completely different life that none of us really have any idea will be like! Sweeeeeeet..... But as far as life as you know on this planet with these worn out old bodies, the clock is ticking. Will you keep wasting it?

I highly recommend not to.

Life is all about perspective. When people go up the mountains to enjoy the view, they don't go up there to stare at the ground beneath their feet!

It's the same with our lives. This world and our lives can be anything we want them to be. It just takes one choice to not follow our feelings, but let our feelings follow our choices!

Right, it's such a beautiful day outside, I'd better make the most of my birthday and get out there!

Happy Birthday Everyone!

Beautiful People

Hi guys!

Sorry it's been a bit of a hiatus between blogs, I've just not felt up to it. Imagine being tired, then even more tired, then having hair fall out, then even more tired, then earthquakes not letting you sleep, then recovering from a major craniotomy, being on chemo and RT, finding out dad as lung cancer and can't drive either, taking 17-18 pills per day in the right order at about the same times each day, going to hospital five days a week, having blood tests all the time, can't work, drive, or you've heard it all before. Now I have so much respect for others who have gone through the same in their lives. Especially those who have stayed positive!

Another huge thanks to all the people taking me to hospital and supporting me! We'll get there! In fact, I haven't had a day since October 30th, when this all started, where I haven't had a visitor! That's tough for a raging introvert like me ;) Good job!

I think I have far too many friends;)

Some are incredible cooks, some extremely funny, some incredibly caring, some powerful and effective prayers, some good listeners, some inspiring, some great parental, sisterly and brotherly figures, some encouraging... No one's perfect, but some of you are pretty close to it in certain areas of your life. I guess when we have such a wide circle of friends then we get all we need to live a good life! Now, with what's happening, I understand that even more!

I have long heard that beauty is on the inside. That has taken on a whole new meaning lately.

Don't isolate yourself, invest in relationships, coz when the time comes for that term deposit to mature, you will be richly rewarded. Conversely, if you keep you to yourself and don't make any investments in others (also known as selfish/ self-centered etc) then you will probably find life much harder and less enjoyable than it could have been? What do you reckon?

Anyway, I got sidetracked...

So, just to update you all... I am balding in the front left of my head, as a result of the radiation treatment, which also makes me very thirsty and tired. It's a bit like sunbathing all day and drinking no water. You feel wasted most of the time. The treatment only takes a couple of minutes, but has long term effects.

The chemo usually makes people nauseous, tired etc, but so far I am handling that pretty well. Obviously, with both treatments running concurrently, it's difficult to attribute the effects to one or the other, but in general, they are similar to each other. I shouldn't go completely bald like billiard ball, which is cool I guess, but hair is overrated and our attachment to it can highlight possible vanity in our lives. For guys anyway!

I am still the same person, but I now have a different haircut, have worse short term memory, am "fatigued" (that's the medical term) and have less of a "filter" of what is socially acceptable to say. So I'm more blunt! So now I will occasionally tell you what I think, instead of what I'm supposed to say to be socially normal. Sorry about that. Get over it haha!

You still love me, right? :)

I hope so ;)

And if you don't, well I actually don't care!

Oh yeah, and I get sidetracked easily too. What was I talking about?

Good joke...

But it's true.

Oh yeah, I had a great time at Amelia and Jay's wedding last night. So did everyone else by the looks of it. Well done, all the best for your future together!

Back to me, coz it's MY blog! Get out of it!

So I've done four weeks out of six in my first stage of chemo and RT. Not feeling sick. Praise the Lord! Looking forward to a nice quiet day at home, partially in bed! Yippee!

Plan for the rest of today: will have a PowerNap! Wake up, will heat up some lasagna, watch a DVD, take some pills, fall asleep, wake up, take some more pills, someone will surprise me by knocking on the door, I will enjoy hanging out with them, they will go home, I will take more pills, drink another litre of water, heat up some homemade pies, watch tv, all while snoozing and repeatedly throwing my kitten off my face. Tomorrow I will wake up and do it all again.

Have just seen that there was a hot air balloon crash near Wellington. Puts things in perspective doesn't it?

Talk soon:)

Concrete Pills

Hello there...

Just got back from my third treatment at the hospital. So I've had three chemotherapy sessions and three radiotherapy (RT) sessions now. I'm not radioactive though and I never will be. Just in case you are wearing your lead undies when you hang out with me.

I don't feel any different yet. Actually, I probably feel better if anything, because I am finally doing something, instead of just waiting around and sleeping. I hope it lasts. I think it will, but I really have no idea! This is the first time I've had this happen, I'm no expert at all of this! My doctors were very encouraging, saying I could handle this well, seeing that I am relatively fit and healthy. It's been a long time since someone said something like that to me. I loved it!

Mr Fit N Healthy.

So three down, 27 to go! Thats 10% done! Bring on January 20th! Oh yeah, then a month break, and on my birthday (thanks for the gift) I start six more months of stepped up chemo... OK then, bring on August 20th! Not long to go!


Also, as an aside, if you are finding this whole thing weird and don't know what to say to me or maybe you are uncomfortable and don't know how to talk to me or anything like that, just don't worry! I am still the same person and I love joking around, so maybe you could spend some time thinking up a good tumour or cancer joke and break the ice that way. I am a bit tireder than normal, and want to be alone often so I don't get annoyed with people, but when I'm at church or other social gatherings, like dominating on the backyard cricket front, just be the same and chat about it. I need to talk about it to process and try to figure all this out as well. I can't do that if you won't talk to me! But it's not really a big deal! Just bringing it up in case :)

The fact is, most people whinge about headaches, sore throats, coughs, tiredness, exams, relationships, being poor, being hungry, having an old cellphone, not winning on a computer game, poor refereeing, slow drivers, cold French fries, bird poo on my nice expensive car, rain, heat, cold,

...everything!

I'd like to say "get over it!"

Or possibly, "get over yourself!"

"how dare they drive so slowly in front of me! Do they not know who I am? I'm the centre of the universe! My wants, needs and desires are above all else! I'm gonna overtake them and give them the evils... Oh... It's my Pastor..."

"Hi!" *forced smile and fake wave accompanied by guilt*

I think, if I can handle cancer and other people can handle things far, far worse than that, like when Jesus was tortured and nailed to a cross, then prayed for those who were doing it! we can all probably handle things with a better attitude without getting all snotty and whinging. I'm just saying. To myself as well! Maybe there's something in your life that you could decide to get over?

The End

Oh and by the way, the doctors told me I could be a bit more random now, what with half of my brain being somewhere overseas now. Good luck following my random rants...

That was supposed to be just a quick sidetrack...

I guess what I'm trying say is, I have started. I am a chemo and RT patient. But I still feel normal. Just tired, which can occasionally make me a bit slow. I still haven't had a headache for literally months, or possibly years, it's been a very long time anyway. There's no nausea. Possibly because I have had several anti-nausea tablets today with my chemo, or maybe because I've had thousands of prayers! I reckon a combo of both is a good bet ;)

Thanks for the support, and thanks for reading these blogs, it is actually very encouraging for me to know that hundreds of people care enough to spend time reading my updates! It makes me feel quite good, if I'm gonna be honest!

TTYL (that's me mocking text speak)... LOL

Today...

Today is the day.

I had surgery four and a half weeks ago. Today I go to hospital to start my radiation therapy and my chemotherapy, as well as two more meetings this morning. All going well, I should be home before five this afternoon. Cancer treatment seems like a full-time job!

Thanks for your prayers and meals and other help. I have enough meals for this week. You know who you are :)

So the info from the oncology staff (which is basically the cancer department) is that the first few days should be ok, but then I will start losing my hair and getting extra tired. I will have nausea, irritability, permanent sunburn, possible infertility, weight change, and other positive side effects! But at least I'm alive right?

My good friend Andy Marshall isn't. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. But he was murdered in Perth, Western Australia, in May this year by someone associated with a bikie gang (allegedly). So I have a pretty bad problem, but I am still here to enjoy my life as best as I can, so you won't hear me complaining! I'm just grateful to still be alive, even though it's going to be tough for a few months. At least I have that time, which so many people haven't!

So I miss Andy. Nowhere near as much as his family, who it was great to see yesterday, but I will notice him not being around this summer as we have a few days of BBQs, backyard cricket and goofing around. It's so unfair, especially for such a great family. But thats life, we just have to get over it, if and when we can, with the help of our friends and family.

See you again, Andy. Not for a while though ;) I still have work to do!

50 years should be enough please. Thank you.

Yeah... Having said all of that, and as positive as I am determined to be, this whole situation absolutely sucks! I hate it. I want a nice family and kids and house and long enjoyable life that 'everyone else' seems to have. I am still hoping for that. I am still believing for that. But physically, my present reality is that I may only have a couple of years, maybe five or so, to live. I'm unhappy about that. Considering a year of it will be in hospital, while my friends keep having kids, great careers, planning their nice long lives together...

But as I was thinking yesterday, I would rather have five inspiring, legacy leaving years than 50 years where I am just another sheep following the crowd. I would rather be awake and live than asleep and live. That's what all of this has done. I am now awake. It was a wake up call. Stop mucking around being a good person, pleasing people so everyone likes you. That half assed life is a waste of time and will just be pretty much useless in the big scheme of things. Sort it out and get off your white picket fence! Sitting on it is a pain in the $@&!

Ooh, he said "assed"...

Get over it you religious hypocrite

*careful James, you are preaching!*

Oops

But it's still true.

Good point.

I'm a hypocrite too. Not all the time though ;)

Yes.

Internal dialogue finished.

So let's have a shower, and go take some poison and radiation to save my life for a few more years. I'll be back here soon to let you know how it all goes. Short term pain for long term gain. Please pray for strength, it's working so far! I will need more for the next few months.

Thanks family.

Appointlessments.

All right then, I'll write another blog... It's been a few days hasn't it.

Went to the hospital this afternoon, to start my treatments. To cut a long story short, they weren't organised. So they said sorry. We will try to start your radiotherapy and chemo next Monday instead. It's a bit frustrating, considering I was supposed to start last Monday, and things just keep getting delayed because the various departments haven't communicated and coordinated with each other. I've organised drivers and attended two pointless appointments at hospital in the last few days. In addition to this, they have also changed all of my treatment times twice.

I call them "appointlessments".

Also, today one of my radiotherapists said that I may not need chemotherapy after all! I've learnt by now just to wait and see thanks. Life doesn't have to be a roller coaster. Just focus on the hope you have for your future and do what you have to to get there. You don't have to go up and down with every little bit of news that you are given. I acknowledge it, I don't live in denial, but I don't let my moods and emotions follow what other people tell me. That's like being lost at sea and blown around by the wind and waves. Anchor your soul with hope. You don't have to drown in an ocean of negative emotions.

Ooh, I like that...

But, all of this disorganization is understandable, considering Tony Ryall is the minister of health, the man in charge at the top. Bless his heart...

But I jest. Forgive me ;)

In actual fact, the staff at the hospital couldn't be more pleasant to deal with, I have had nothing but great service, which has exceeded my expectations and made things far easier than I would've expected. You should try it out some time. Maybe fake some serious health problems and enjoy the ride. Especially the jelly and icecream. It needs to be seen to be believed.

Also, my friends and family have brought a tear to my eye by how much care they have shown me. If I haven't thanked you or returned your texts and calls, sorry, consider this your thanks. I have had so many offers of help, it has almost overwhelmed me! I guess if I was to say one thing, it would be that I need your help for a few months yet. I will be at hospital every day. I will prob lose my hair and be sick. My sickness benefit starts this week and it's only about the same as my mortgage payments each week, so it's gonna be tough to get by. Not just this week! But much of next year as well.

So, please don't forget me, but on the other side, one or two meals a month, or rides, or visits etc and I will be a busy boy! Also, I am pretty exhausted after around 8pm, so I'm sorry if I come for dinner and then zone out on the couch! Maybe earlier dinners would work best...?

Just some helpful hints that I have learnt in the last few weeks. Lol

Yeah, you all know that life sucks some times, I'm not the only one to have had serious health problems, but no matter how bad things get, there are always so many more things to be thankful for and to enjoy. Im tired, but I don't have to cook tonight! I have to go to hospital again tomorrow, but I get to see my best mate! Etc

Life's not about comfort, that a lie. It's about loving God and loving other people, and that's not always comfortable! But I'm so glad that people love me, and that God loves me. I can't imagine going through this without them.

It's all worth it in the end

Wait Issues

Hello...

Last Friday, I went in for another MRI. This was a post operative scan to see how the surgery went, and from those results, the medical staff could plan my future treatment. Originally, I was scheduled to come in on Monday the 5th of december, to have my first session of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but after the results of the MRI, they put this back until thursday the 8th of december. Although I am getting a bit sick of waiting around at home, I am still happy with this news. This tells me that the six weeks, then six months of follow up treatment, although important, is not urgent. In other words, if I had some stuff still left in my head that urgently needed to start coming out, then they would've got me in there to get started. So the delay is actually good news, even though it drags things out for a few more days. Thursday 8th of December at 2pm is now the first session. Then 1:50pm on Friday. Looking forward to it...

In case you're wondering, each time I go in for a treatment session, I get a free car parking voucher to put on the car's dashboard. So we don't have to pay for parking! Good! basically, it will work like this: you drive around to the Oncology Department, drop me off, I go in, I get the voucher, I come out (to the car...), give you the voucher, then you go find a car park while I go in and wait. Then you come in and wait, or do whatever you want for a few minutes, like go get yourself a coffee, or some personal grooming, or do some donuts in the car park etc... Or you could come in and wait in the waiting room. We'll see what works best?

Then... Every weekday for six weeks, I have to go in for treatment. Usually this will take no more than one hour at a time, then I can go home and relax again. This will go all the way through Christmas holidays until late January. Ive had a few very generous offers of assistance, so thanks to those people, (you know who you are!) I owe you big time! They have given me the times for the following week as well, but as these could possibly change, I will just keep these to myself for now. Maybe next week I will broadcast them into Blogland for my knights in shining armour to come and rescue me. Thank you in advance to all those who can help.

Following this initial six week intensive schedule, I have six months of chemotherapy. This involves taking pills every day for a week, then having three weeks off to feel sick etc. Just as I start to feel better, I have to take the pills again for another week. And so on. For six months. Yay... That will be fun... I don't know too much about this stage of things, so I'll just leave it at that. Also, I am taking four pills each night to stop me having another seizure. Working so far ;)

Oh yeah. No driving for 12 months. Time I sorted out my bike! If I'm allowed to that is!

So, lots of waiting. No going out. Lots of time sitting on the couch. Getting SkyTV installed tomorrow. Can't afford it. Will just have to make some cutbacks somewhere, but as I am no longer doing a physical job, hopefully I can adjust my diet to eat less and spend less on food. Don't want any wait issues. I've got a marathon to run ;) A very good friend has shouted me a Fatso DVD subscription, which I have already ordered about 30 movies from! My cousin dropped off dozens of movies yesterday as well. Id better stop there, coz i'll forget someone! I love the advice I am getting from those who have been here before, so thanks for that, I really appreciate your help, even if I have lost a bit of my short term memory at the moment and forgotten to thank you each individually! God won't forget, even if I seem to for a while. I am honestly touched by your acts of love and kindness. I'll pay you back... Honest... :p

Waiting has thrown up all kinds of issues. (maybe not the best weigh of putting it). (yes my spelling mistakes are intentional). ( more bracketed comments)

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, sunbathing. Please pray for sunshine so I can lie around outside on my deck and get rid of my nasty ankle tan lines. I have been working on these for about five years, so I don't expect fast results, but considering I have a few months of resting at home, I intend to pursue them until the bitter end. White feet are not cool, and now is the hour for their demise. They have had their time in the sun (or not) and that has come to an end. If you wish to say goodbye to my white feet, send me a text and you can come and visit them. They won't be here forever, so don't take them for granted.

Ooh, I think I see some blue skies starting to break through.

I have work to do!

Yippee!

Hello again,

What an interesting last four weeks eh! Today marks the four week anniversary of when it all began. Hard to believe it's only been four weeks. Feels like so much longer...four weeks ago, I knew nothing. Now I stand on the verge of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, daily sickness and tiredness.

As previously stated in earlier blogs, I'm not exactly happy that this has happened to me! But there's no point in sulking about it and wallowing in my bad news. More to the point, two good friends are getting married tomorrow, which is very exciting, and I don't want to draw any attention away from their special day. That would be very selfish and arrogant and I want no part of anything like that!

Furthermore, if you have the temptation to feel sorry for me and become a martyr, then I would rather that you stay away from me. That may sound harsh, but believe me, the last thing I want to do is spend all of my energy trying to cheer up everyone else! I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't expect you to either :)

My life is not over. I'm here for a while yet. Maybe even longer than you! So let's just enjoy our lives together and get over your need to be needed. Don't get me wrong, I need practical help with meals and DVDs and stuff like that, but I would rather you come over and just have fun. If I'm feeling a bit down, just ride it out. It won't last too long!

Consider this your warning ;)

Yeah, the bible tells me that it's good to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. In other words, if I'm fine, don't drag me down, just be fine too, please... If that's too hard for you, then you don't have to come over! And if I'm feeling a bit stink, then don't make it worse by ignoring that and telling me to get over it! If that's your attitude, then you can go find some other friends thanks...

Ooh, I like telling people off hehe...

Tomorrow, at the wedding, it is going to be a day of celebration! I am looking forward to enjoying the day with all of my friends. I don't mind if you ask me how I am, don't feel uncomfortable, it's nothing to feel weird about. I am more than happy to talk to you about it, but as long as you remember that tomorrow is all about the two people getting married and you rejoice with them. Because I am getting my haircut and dressing up in my suit and I'm gonna have a great day celebrating with my friends! Lets have a great time together and rejoice with our friends. They are awesome and this is their big day! I hope they love every second!

I have a couple more weddings in the New Year that I plan on going to and having a great time at as well! They will be fun too! I may be bald by then, but I will still do my best to enjoy myself! Bald people are people too. Don't judge me... Lol

So, for those who I will see tomorrow, let's have a great day celebrating together. And for those who I won't see, why don't you do something that you enjoy? Get your bike out and pump up the tyres, and disappear into the forest, or do some baking with the music cranking, or mow the lawns in your shorts, or have a BBQ and get your friends over... The list is endless!!!

See you tomorrow, or Sunday, or just whenever :)

Live your life!

Will You Open Your Gift?

Well, I had another meeting at hospital yesterday. It was at 12PM. It took just under an hour. It was with my doctor. Not my surgeon. That was the day before. The doctor said mostly similar things, but was a bit more precise with the prognosis. Where my surgeon, who did the operation, told me I have between 2-10 years, my doctor told me that I probably have about 3 years left before the tumour returns and takes my life.

Not good news. But you know what? I don't care what the doctor says. Sure, I respect their opinion etc, but I have faith that I can keep on living for many more years! Yep, I could be completely wrong. But you know what... If I decide that I have three years, then I will end up waiting around to die. I will end up focussing on how long I have left and it may very well become a self fulfilling prophecy.

What's the point of that!

I could very well out live many of you reading this, the only difference is that I have some warning about when it may happen. You may just have a heart attack or choke on your wife's brownies, and then it's all over!

In a week or so, I start my chemotherapy and radiotherapy, where my hair will start to fall out and I will want to sleep for a couple of months, but that's all part if the adventure isn't it? I have a chance to write my 'bucket list' and live the last years of my life to the fullest! Time to make a difference. Time to leave a legacy. Time to change people's lives.

I'm sure that this may be quite hard for you to get your head around, trust me, I know! Try getting your head around something that is literally inside your head! It's raining at the moment. Will this be the last time I see rain? Should I go outside and sit in it? How do I handle this? Maybe I have 30 years left? Who knows! I have been told I have about three. What does that mean? Do I? How do I spend the time I have left? I take my kiwisaver out and make some memorable plans! That's one decision I have made!

Why me?

Why NOT?

This is such a valuable opportunity that I am grateful to have been given. Sure, I would gladly swap for someone else and live for another 50 years! And that could very well happen! But there's also a chance that it won't happen. I have to be real about it as well as live by faith. I'm not stupid. But I also realize that God is the only one who really knows what is going to happen! I can focus on what I want to happen, I can pray about it and set goals and so on, but ultimately, it's all up to him. I have decided to just accept his plan, and make the most of this warning I have been given!

My attitude is "let's just do it!"

What's yours? You don't have forever you know. Maybe you could decide to stop living like you do? Make the most of today. Every day you wake up and get out of bed is a gift. The Present.

Will you open your gift?

A Blog of Two Halves

Hello family...

I just checked this morning, and I now have over 2000 pageviews on my blog. Congratulations. Thank you.

Went to bed in fine, warm conditions, and woke up to some decent rain. That's a nice change. Ah, so, how about that weather eh? Yaaaaawwwwnnnnn.."

So, more importantly, I have an appointment at the hospital at 10AM, with my surgeon. MY SURGEON. Yeah, I have my own brain surgeon, because I am a person of such high significance these days. Miss Jackson is her name. We go way back. Weeks at least. Ah the memories. Such good times we have shared together. I spent two minutes with her, while she has spent an entire day with me, cutting my head open while I was asleep, but still, it was quality time together that I will never forget. Or maybe I will? I can't remember actually. My bad. Where am I?

So, I am getting a lift to hospital in an hour or so, and don't really have any idea about what to expect. Could be good news, could be bad news.

I will go have a shower now, and get prepared. Of course, I am prepared in my head and my heart, regardless, I will not get discouraged or let my head go down... Ahem... Nothing will knock my confidence, coz God will always be God and will always be in control. He's THE MAN!!!

I'll be back soon..............................................................................
...............................................................................................
.............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

So. That was interesting. In a bad way. Bad interesting. This is difficult. Got my pathology results back from the lab in Sydney, and they were basically, bad news. I mean, they could've been much worse, but to get straight to the point, the best case scenario is that I have 7-10 years left before the tumour comes back and my life is ended. The worse case is that I have only two years left. But I refuse to even think about that! I have a couple of months of radiotherapy and chemotherapy every week day, then about six more months of chemotherapy. After all of that is done, there's no promises about how much longer I have. But at least I have something to do for the next year!

It will probably make me sick and weak and who knows what else, but at least I know where I'm going when this all works itself out!

Do you know where you're going? Coz it's not too late to decide. I had no warning, and you probably won't either, so now is a great time to choose! There's no better time to decide. Don't be a fool! It's all up to you...

Let me know what you think :)

Weak is Actually Strong

Hi there...

So, it's been pretty much a week since I woke up from my brain surgery, in recovery, not really with it, but glad it was all over! I remember the night quite clearly, because I had four I.V. Lines in my hands and feet, and the nurses were measuring my vital signs every two hours! I struggled to get any sleep, because I had been asleep for almost twenty hours with a couple of hours awake in between. I was still hooked up to a loudly beeping heart machine and had an automatic leg massaging machine constantly and repeatedly massaging my legs. And it just didn't stop. It went on and on. For hours. And all of the next day... I was beginning to wake up and realize where I was. I was still full of anesthetic and I knew that it was a slow road ahead. The food was reliable, if not spectacular, and it's clockwork appearance was a highlight of my days on that prison bed... I couldn't open my jaw to eat my icecream because the surgeons had butchered my muscles on the side on my head! I forgive them. Might stop me eating so much!

Friday night bought fish n chips! I can't tell you how exciting that was. I could have eaten five more meals!

But I didn't. Rightly so. Good decision...

So a couple of days later, the doctor came around and told me that I could go home on Saturday! What the!? I thought I had to spend a week in hospital recovering, yet two days later the all clear was given for me to go home! No one could believe it, but I wasn't really too surprised. I had faith. I was certain of what I had hoped for. I knew I was fine so just expected to go home... It wasn't a big deal...

So on Saturday, I left hospital and spent the weekend at Catherine's flat, then progressed back to my own house after a couple of nights. My face at this stage was completely swollen and I couldn't see out of my own eyes! Gladly, this only lasted for three days and then I was back to normal! Normal looking anyway...

I still have dozens of staples in my head, from one sideburn across to the other, over the top of my head. I can't count them all... Will take a while to take them all out, hopefully that could be tomorrow, but not sure yet. Tomorrow, I go back in to hospital to set up my radiotherapy. I need to have a minimum of six weeks, every day at hospital of radiation being beamed into my brain to kill off any remnants of the tumour that has possibly been missed. I can't drive there myself. I need a ride there every day! There's a lot to organise...

Lucky I'm not allowed to work for a few months...

The doctor says six. We'll see about that...

So, thank you again. I have people bringing me meals. Driving me around. Visiting me. Praying for me. Writing encouraging messages. Making phone calls to me. Doing my housework. Giving me hugs. Sending me cards and emails. I am receiving more offers for assistance than I know what to do with! Please keep it up, I appreciate it, and I really do need it! It is actually pretty tough being stuck at home with no freedom and income and still the same expenses disappearing on a regular basis...

From now 'til New Years, I will be sitting here at home, every single day, until I can get enough energy to get back into the real world again!

Maybe I could write a book?

White Picket Fence

I've been thinking about a few things lately. One of those things is a quote that I got from renowned teacher on leadership, John Maxwell. The quote I remember is "to make a difference, you have to be different!" no one wants to be a "same maker".

This has helped me a lot. Often we get inspired to Make a difference, or lead others, but the thought enters our mind, "yeah but people just don't do that... Or that's not how we are supposed to do things.. Or I don't fit that mould, I'm not like the other leaders around here...

Well, in centuries past, everyone had slaves. William Wilberforce said NO! America always had white, middle aged president. Obama said No. Etc etc etc

That's great for big scale world events, but what about our own lives? My friends always get married, settle down, sit at the back and disappear. I am thinking, NO! Just because all of my friends do one thing, doesn't mean I have to do it. The only way to make a difference is to stand up for your convictions when others don't seem to show theirs.

I'm not judging them. Whoever They may be. But I am saying that some people follow the crowd, and others just can't do that! As much as they want to fit in and have friends and be normal and not stand out and be comfortable and life etc, some people are made in such a way that they can't do that! They would rather be strange, odd, out of the ordinary, misunderstood, etc because what they have in their heart is far more important to them than fitting in and doing what is expected to be done.

I think it's Important to say at this point, that we are all leaders in some way, or in some sphere of our lives, and to varying degrees. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We are just DIFFERENT.

Having said that, I just want to encourage people to stand up for their own convictions and not bow to peer pressure. If you feel really passionate about something and basically "know" its right, then go for it. Don't be obnoxious. Be wise and compassionate and slow to speak. Respect and honor your leaders, even when you don't agree with them! But still do it! Love always thinks of others ahead of yourself, and that love is what life is about isn't it?

Ive lost my train of thought! Toot toot

But I I'll say this. It's time to step up and live your life. We in the West especially, are Spiritually very apathetic and basically asleep. We just keep working and buying Stuff. It's time to wake up, or you will risk dying on the inside, long before you leave this planet. I don't want to die with two kids, a wife and a nice white picket fenced house. Yawn. That would be like going to Disneyland and sitting in the cafe. What a danger filled, exciting, risk taking life i would have missed out on. Come on. Don't let what other people think about you, stop you from having an incredible life.

Be different. Risk losing everything. Step out of the boat and try walking on the water... Don't worry! Someone will save you if you start to sink! And even if they judge you for being different, judgmental people are ultimately so focussed on themselves that they will quickly forget about you in the midst of their own ocean of self concerns, so are not worth worrying about!

See you out there!

Sprinkler

I had a bit of a prophetic word on the weekend. Christians would probably know what that means. For the rest of you, I will quickly try to explain what that means!in completely unreligious language! It's a bit like getting a picture, or a phrase, or a sense of something a bit deeper, in your mind, or heart or somewhere! that is often God trying to speak to you, or someone else around you. It's not kooky new age crystal ball rubbish, but it is an attempt by someone or something bigger than us, which we don't really understand, which Christians and many other people, would call "God", trying to tell us something, which will help us in our life. Anyone can get them, and some people get more than others. You just have to be open to listening to them. Usually, when I remember, I just say something like, "God, if there's anything you want to show me, or tell me, or maybe use me to tell someone else something, can you tell me? I don't fully understand everything, but I will try to do my best, and leave all the rest up to you!" (that's called praying, by the way ;))

This picture came into my head while I was playing drums at a church meeting on Friday night, and I did't get the chance to share it, coz I was obviously busy!

So I usually get pictures of random things, that don't seem make any sense. Some people get words, some people get feelings etc, we are all different... This was of a small, round, common garden sprinkler. It was connected to a hose, and sitting out on a sparsely covered back lawn. There was no water coming out of it, and the grass around it was dead or dying. Then suddenly, it turned on and started firing water out in a circular radius around it and instantly, the grass grew up thick and green!

The thought that accompanied this picture was, "see what happens when you are plugged in to me and you let me use you how I have designed you to be used. Everyone around you grows if you just be yourself and let my living water flow through you. It's not for your benefit, it's for the benefit of everyone around you that you let me use you how I want to. People around you will miss their destiny and not fulfill their potential because you are not setting them free! What are you afraid of?"

I love getting stuff like this! It has nothing to do with me, any more than someone buying you a present has to do with you. The only thing that you had to do was to be given it and then use it, or whatever...

So I believe I was given this, and it's no big deal, because if we read believe in God, all of us should be getting stuff like this fairly regularly I would say... It's not weird. It's completely normal. Just don't be a spiritual,religious fruitcake! Thats stupid and embarrassing for everyone involved. Just be real!

So hopefully this word is for you, or for someone you know, and I hope it makes a difference too!

If you ever get prophetic words, I'd love to hear them! It can be really encouraging.

Also, come along to La Vida this weekend, for a couple of days learning about and experiencing more of this kind of stuff, with David and Greta Peters. Message me if you're keen, coz registering ASAP is important.

Good bye

Are You Afraid of the 'Enter' Button?

I had a very strange dream last night. It wasn't really a dream like you would normally expect. Dreams are usually like real life experiences aren't they, but in a different, sort of warped way? This was really short. About this short: "Hi, how are you?" And then it finished.

I wouldn't normally tell the world about my dreams. I mean, who really cares, right? But this one made me think about other things.

So basically, it went like this: My finger was about to hit the 'Enter' button on my computer, when it hesitated, and I heard a voice say "You're afraid of the 'Enter' button, aren't you?"

So I thought, why am I afraid?

Because I can't trust the outcome. Sometimes I hit Enter on my computer, especially using the internet, and it freezes, or takes ages to load a page. Occasionally, I pop home to check my emails, but it takes too long to load, so I have to go out again without having read the info I needed. Or I might want to do some online banking, but it doesn't work...

But of course, the practicalities of life are never my real priority. I am too busy daydreaming and thinking about things of little or no relevance. Consequently, the Enter button I am talking about is not purely the one on my laptop. I think it could represent something else. So I thought a bit deeper about this.

When I make decisions, or take action. That is like pushing Enter. It is like going onto the next thing. It is like going on to the next stage, in whatever that may be. In computer language, (which I don't speak very well) It is like you type in a web address, then push Enter and wait. In other words, you think about what page you want to view, you type the letters, and then Enter......

Hopefully it turns out how you expect. You don't want freezes, popups and crashes etc.

Same with life. You think about it, take the actions required, and then hope that the consequences of your actions, work out how you want them to. The thing with life that can make it difficult, is that we haven't been here before. So we don't always know what the consequences of our decisions will be. This is my first time trying this life thing out. There is a lot I don't know about!

So I am afraid to make decisions because I don't know, or don't trust what will happen next. It is unsafe. What if I freeze. What if I crash. What if all sorts of things pop up that I don't know how to deal with. What if I ruin my hard drive and lose years of memories and information? Sure, a Computer Technician may be able to fix the problems, but I risk losing everything in the process.

Just like a computer, life has an underlying system that keeps things running. Laws of physics, spiritual laws, etc. When I push Enter on my keyboard, I trust that I will get what I want. And this is trusting a man-made machine. So when I make a decision in life, I am stepping into the unknown. I don't always know what the results of my actions will be. I am trusting the God-who-made-man to deal with those results. We don't know what will happen, but we do know who is in control. So I probably shouldn't be afraid of the Enter button. But sometimes fear of the unknown can be a powerful force.

What will happen if I don't push enter?

Lord and (then) Saviour

Last night I was saying a couple of prayers. Just the usual. Thanks for this, thanks for that. You are God, I am not. Help me with this, help me with that. During this time, I felt like God spoke to me. Not in an audible voice. That's not the common way God speaks to me. It was more of a loud, clear thought, which stands out from all the other thoughts, loitering around my headspace.

I was saying, "can you help me with something? Can you save me from this..." And I felt God say "I'm supposed to be your Lord and Saviour, I can't just be your Saviour. If you want me to be your Saviour, then you need to make me your Lord as well".

Thanks for the wake up call! Yeah, I realised that I can't just "use" God to meet my needs when I want, and then do things my way in between times.

How many times have I said that Jesus is my "personal Lord and Saviour?"

Notice, Lord comes first, and then Saviour. My Personal Lord and (then) Saviour.

If I choose to live my way, I have no right to expect God to save me when I want. Sure, He is full of grace and will often save us when we don't deserve it, but it is a dangerous place to be in, to expect God to bail us out when we continually live in rebellion to Him and His ways.

But if we make Him the Boss, and do as we are told, then he has promised to save us. That's His part. We trust him, the consequences are up to him. But if we trust ourselves, then we need to be prepared to deal with what comes.

So if you are always asking God to save you, but feel like he isn't helping, maybe you should ask yourself, "Is He really the Lord of my life?" Do you do things God's way, or your own way? Is he number one, or are you?

Sure, He doesn't answer every prayer right away... sometimes he says "wait" etc... even to those who truly love God more than anything! All I am saying is that God is God, so we should keep him in that place, not relegate him to our magic genie who is there to save us from our problems...

He's Lord AND Saviour

:D

cake or road

Yeah, so I have been thinking... I love reading books, and articles on the internet. I am almost a daily visitor to Wikipedia, and can honestly lose hours on it once I start. Yes I am a knowledge geek.

I know lots of other people who like to read as well. They read all kinds of books. Some read the bible. Some read moon-man books. Others read all kinds of books in between. Some read one book in their lives. Some read thousands. That's good. We are all different, so it makes sense that our reading habits are different, doesn't it?

I think it is very important to gain knowledge. I think it's more important to gain wisdom, but knowledge is a common precursor to wisdom, so gain as much understanding as you possibly can. Knowledge is also a great way to remove ignorance from your life. Yeah, people say , ignorance is bliss, but only only when you use that quote in context. Don't use it as an excuse to be ignorant, or stupid. I'm not talking about school education either...not all of us were fortunate enough to have had a good upbringing and schooling. Not all of our parents wanted us to be knowledgeable either. I'm talking about something different.

You may have heard the quote "when you stop learning, you start dying". Well, you've heard it now :P

I have a problem when people decide that they know it all. I am very easy-going, but when people a close-minded to new things, I get rather annoyed.

I really don't care how much someone knows, but I DO care about their attitude to learning. Someone who is open to new things has an attitude that says, "I don't know anything, I want to learn more", whereas a person who is close-minded about new things, or ideas, has an attitude that says "I know everything, and I don't need to know anything else".

Now I would like to put all of this into some sort of context...

Well, as someone who believes in God, and His Son Jesus, I think that we should be reading our bibles. Not as a religious duty of a Christian Legal System, but coz we want to keep learning. I also think that it is very important to read all kinds of other books and articles etc... Reading your bible is often like your bread, veges and water... All these other books are like your treats, your spices, your icecream etc... They are often very helpful at enjoying your life, and may give you a quick-fix pick me up, to add a bit of colour to your life. But your bible is the one staple diet that makes you healthy, strong, and useful to others. It may at times taste boring, but you need it. If all you did was eat treats, you would end up sick, unhealthy and no use to others. Or yourself!

I think it is wrong to read only your bible, if it makes you dogmatic, religious, closeminded, angry, defensive.

I also think it is wrong to read all kinds of books, if it makes you whacko, Dan Brown, Moon-Man loopy, anything goes.

You will need to self-medicate. If all you do is read your bible, be aware that you could be a religious freak.... GET REAL!!! isn't it ALL about loving God and others anyway? But if all you do is read "other" books, be aware that you could be a stupid hippy dropkick...GET OVER YOURSELF!!! if you are too open minded your brains will fall out. You don't decide what truth is. Truth does!

Your bible is the main road, all other books are dead end streets on the way... you might get something from visiting them, but in the end, if you really want to go somewhere, you need to head back to the main road. Only an idiot would plan a journey and then spend their time parked up on dead end streets. It makes no sense! Conversely, if all you do is drive down the main road, you may never see the real world. You will get where you are going, and if that's all you want to do, then go for it! But, some of us like to explore the details along the way to make our journey a deeper, richer experience.

Right, that's enough exploring, time to hit the road again!

Observations on the Life of a Fool - Marcus Ardern

Taken from Marcus Ardern's website - Not my own work

Observations on the Life of a Fool

There are other passages than the book of proverbs that record some telling insights about the life of a fool. For example: silly intellectuals lost in the delusion of self admiration and conceits pronounce themselves to be wise men indeed (Romans 1:22).
Also the atheist fool talks to himself in his own heart affirming a statement of his faith in atheism (Psalm 14:1). He has a vested interest that his sins will not be accounted for , having done away in philosophy with both the judge and judgment day, to leave him free to follow his own course. However if the truth has different facts in store his idea or affirmation will be revealed as the foolishness it truly is.
It seems clear to me, in the Scriptures that there is a certain type of person who may be described as a fool. However, it also true that Jesus told us not to judge each other as fools, or we will be in danger of punishment.
This being said we can look at our own lives and see whether we are being foolish, and we can discern whether the other person is foolish or a fool. Discernment and correct assessment does not necessarily lead to us offering condemnation to the other person. It is just that we recognize who we are dealing with and acting accordingly. One of the great gifts given as an evidence of working by The Holy Spirit is the ability to recognize what spirit we are dealing with (1 Corinthians 12:10).
Also the Scriptures are able to make us “wise unto salvation” that means having the wisdom that points to Salvation in the faith in Jesus Christ, or reveals its true nature (2 Timothy 3:15).
King David says in Psalm 119 verse 24 “Thy testimonies are my delight; they are my counselors.” and in verse 128 “Therefore I esteem all Thy precepts concerning all things to be right; and I hate every false way.” For this reason, I think it is good for me to share what I believe the Book of Proverbs teaches concerning foolishness…remembering that Scripture is Gods’ word and is Truth.
The Foolish one and the scoffer and willfully simple one: Are you one of these? Do you have a well earned reputation for high mindedness scoffing and speaking with contempt of others? If you mock and scoff God Himself will scoff at YOU (3:34) and if you live foolishly it will be on display in your life (3:35).
1.
The simpleton loves being shallow and silly. The mocker thinks his scoffing is delightful for himself. Its his way of enjoying himself. Is this you? (1:22)
2.
The foolish one feels prosperous and complacent, but it is his silly self assurance that makes him ignore what will kill him (1:32-33)
3.
The scoffer hates those who offer him advice and correct the errors of his ways. Do you resent those who rebuke you when you deserve it? (9:8) It’s unsafe to rebuke him.
4.
The winking, prating fool will suddenly fall. That one who signals contemptuously with his eyes and lets his mouth run away with him. (10:8-10) see also 10:19
5.
The silly talker has a rod of punishment coming for his own back (10:13)
6.
The foolish person allows himself to become hateful and spreads slander and lies about others (10:18)
7.
When a fool creates mischievous trouble he enjoys it like a sport. It is fun for him (10:23)
8.
An oafish one does not value and highly esteem the feedback that reveals his errors. He grows angry with it (12:1)
9.
The willfully simple person likes the company or wants to follow vain persons or things instead of working (12:11)
10.
The fool is sure he is right (12:15)
11.
When a fool is irritated he lets it be known at once, he does not conceal anything or practice emotional controls (Holy Ghost self control 12:16) he flares up
12.
From within his heart full of foolishness his mouth talks…(12:13
13.
His foolishness is on display in his life (13:16)
14.
He resents his father’s instruction and will not listen (13:1 and 15:5)
15.
If you had walked with wise men you would have been wise but because you walked with the foolish it is destruction you inherit (13:20)
16.
That scoffing one who lacks understanding doesn’t find wisdom if he looks for it, because his scoffing cuts him off from it…(14:6)
17.
A fool loves to joke about the things God calls sin. His humour celebrates things that disgust God. Fools mock at sin. (14:9)
18.
The willfully simple are easily taken in. they are gullible (14:15)
19.
Anger makes you choose silly foolish courses (14:17)
20.
Folly is like a silly crown for a fool (14:24)
21.
The fools mouth is like a tap pouring out with stupidity (15:2)
22.
He does not have the heart to spread good knowledge and does not speak wisdom from the heart (15:7)
23.
His food is foolishness. His mouth feeds on folly (15:14 and 21 he enjoys it.)
24.
His foolishness will bring discipline upon him (16:22)
25.
The foolish one hardly notices when he receives the due results of his errors, the blows that he deserves well (17:10)
26.
Why should the fool waste his money investing in education he chooses to ignore? (17:16)
27.
He rushes into ill considered agreements to go guarantor, making obligations for himself he has not thought carefully through (17:18)
28.
A fool causes his father grief instead of joy (17:21)
29.
The fool is busy day dreaming about far off things instead of considering what is under his nose close at hand (17:24)
30.
If the fool shuts up, he may seem wise (17:28)
31.
The fool loves picking quick quarrels and depicting others as in need of punishment. (18:6)
32.
It is his own mouth that destroys him (18:7)
33.
He is opinionated because he has begun inquiries with his mind already made up with his preconceptions (18:13) this is shameful for him and foolish behaviour.
34.
Delightful life does not suit him, it doesn’t really belong to a person like him (19:10)
35.
God has already provided waiting judgments for the mockers and scoffers. Fitting punishments for the fools (19:29 & 26:3)
36.
Fools love to meddle in other peoples affairs, they love to involve themselves in things that are not at all their business (20:3)
37.
Remove and get rid of the scornful person and peace will reign again (22:10)
38.
A child can remain in foolishness if the parent is not faithful to bring correction (22:15)
39.
No sense instructing the fool because he places no value on your instruction (23:9)
40.
Planning folly in your thoughts is sin and being a scoffer makes you repulsive to other persons (24:9)
41.
There is a nasty heavy presence with the provoked fool (27:3) heavier than a stone. Weightier than sand
42.
If you are wise and contend with the fool he will either try to make a joke of it or grow into a rage losing his temper with you (29:9-11)
43.
Scorners set the town alight but wisdom can quench the angers created (29:8)
I would suggest you often review this list as you inspect your own actions, looking up the scriptures indicated in The Book of Proverbs in your Bible and also look at the list of observations on the wise man.
Thank you for reading this. I believe it will be helpful if you follow it.
© 2009 Marcus Ardern

Nice Blocks

Living through a major earthquake hasn't been the most enjoyable experience that i've been through. And I have got off relatively lightly when compared to those who have lost their homes and jobs etc. Thankfully, no one was killed in the earthquake!

While there has been all sorts of damage throughout our city, and wider region, a substantial amount of the damage has occurred to older brick buildings. Which made me think. Just like these buildings, our lives are made up of many "bricks". In life we build foundations and then slowly constuct our lives, piece by piece, brick by brick.

The problem with these buildings was that the mortar and reinforcing etc that was holding the bricks together gave way. It was not necessarily the bricks that were the problem. The problem was the stuff that was supposed to hold all of these parts together.

You can have all shapes, sizes, colours of bricks, and they can all be added together to build all different types of amazing buildings and structures, but none of these buildings will stand the test of time, or the earthquakes of life, if there is nothing holding them together.

We are no different. We each have different personalities, strengths, weaknesses, preferences, experiences, jobs, bodies, mindsets... that uniquely combine to form us as individuals. Just remember, you are unique, just like everyone else!

Do you trust the "mortar" that you have decided to use?

I see our beliefs, our worldview, God, gods or our own idols as that mortar. You may be relying on your own knowledge, or maybe some tarot cards, or maybe the government, or maybe "the universe". I personally dont trust the universe. When was the last time continuously changing gas, vacuum, rock, fire and various elements helped you out? It just doesn't make any logical sense... Oh dear... so sad...

It is my belief that the only 100% safe mortar of life is a guy called Jesus. If you put all of your trust in him to hold your life together and help you build an amazing life, then you will be on the right track! The Great Architect always uses the best materials, it would be foolish to create our own mortar when the best possible product is available. And it's FREE!!!

Sticky Camel Situation

I was picking up sticks at work yesterday. Not the game. Tree prunings. I was thinking about sticks, and in particular, how many sticks could you put on a camel's back. You have probably heard the old saying "It is the final stick that breaks the camel’s back". There was nothing special about that particular stick, it was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. In fact, it was the cumulative effect of all the other ones added together that did the damage. The camel may have been collecting sticks on it's back for a while (mental picture of camel picking up sticks), and finally it's resolve comes to an end.

Sometimes in life there will be a person or event etc that causes us to get angry etc and we can easily blame that person but in reality it was our unwise decisions leading up to that event that really did the damage.

Maybe your husband or wife or sibling or best friend has upset you or made you angry, so you blame them, but in reality, the last few nights you have stayed up too late, or maybe you have been eating poorly and not exercising regularly and that has made you less able to deal with stress. My advice would be to look at your life instead and see if you have been making unwise lifestyle decisions etc instead of just blaming the person or event that has triggered your emotional event.

Maybe you have unhealthy thought patterns that cause you to "pick up sticks" when you see them lying around. You don't actually have to pick up these sticks. You aren't the boss of the world!. You can let someone else, God, carry those burdens. It makes life vastly more enjoyable if you can leave the sticks to God. If you do pick one up, because let's face it, we all naturally want to, just remember to pass it on as quick as you can, otherwise you will accumulate stuff in your life that you just don't need to have. Stress in our lives often occurs because we try to carry too much.

Lots of things happen in life that are unfair, unjust, just plain wrong! We cannot, and should not, try to right every one. Every time we take up a cause, no matter how right you are, stress is added to our lives. A camel cannot fight on every single hill, it must choose it's battles, it must not pick up a stick every time it sees one. God is our Vindicator, and all we have to do is tell him what we have seen and then TRUST HIM to deal with it. Stop trying to wrestle it back of Him. Just leave it!

Jesus was completely right in everything he did, and he still remained silent before his accusers. Because he knew that his Father would take care of it. We should be the same. Just chill out, stop defending yourself and move on.

So next time you are feeling tired or annoyed or whatever, don't blame that person or situation that seems to have caused it. They were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It may have been all of the other things you have been trying to carry that have caused the real problems. Jesus is waiting to carry your load if you want to GIVE IT to him, he won't steal it! The only responsiblity you have in this situation is to choose to GIVE it to Him. It's better to give than receive;)

An Inconvenient Truth

I've been thinking about our culture of convenience lately. Our society tells us that if life is easier, we will be happier. And we believe this. All we need is the latest phone, the quickest checkout aisle, the fastest car, the microwave meal... It's all around us. While there is nothing wrong with these things in themselves, there is a problem when we rely on these things to make us happy. I have noticed a similarity with lust. Both convenience and lust say to us:

"I need a quicker, more powerful, bigger, cooler gadget, meal, experience, etc that does everything I want it to do. When I get what I want I will be satisfied."

It is the same principle as tying a carrot to a stick and dangling it in front of a donkey so that it will keep walking towards it. It never gets what it wants, but it keeps on going in the vain hope that it's desire will be met.

This is a trap.

Don't be a dumbass.

The bible tells us that those who want to keep their life, will ultimately lose it, but those who give their life up will ultimately receive life in it's fullest. That doesn't seem to make sense, but it's true!

It's my thesis that when we decide to inconvenience ourselves for someone else, our lives will be far better than they could ever have been if we had stayed on the convenience path. It's inconvenient, but it's true!

Convenience WILL NOT make your life better. It WILL NOT make YOU better! It might make it EASIER, but that's a different thing. I believe it is a lie. And when we believe lies, we are basically inviting the enemy into our lives to do what he wants. We are supposed to believe the truth. Convenience may make life easier in the short-term, and in our busy culture, many of us only think that far. But if you want your life to count, and you want the world to be a better place, you choosing to inconvenience yourself for others will go a long way.

People who get everything they want when they want become spoilt, overweight, lazy, selfish, complaining....etc

People who decide to put other's needs ahead of their own, will become, humble, healthy, motivated, selfless, thankful, loving...etc

I dare you to try. Use a little bit of faith and see what happens:)

It's inconvenient, but it's true!