It's my birthday! Yay!
What a year!
21 years ago, I was born! And the world has been in trouble ever since! 21 years ago, a brand new person came into the world. I don't have many memories of the day, and those that I do have are a little bit graphic, so I will keep them to myself. ( All the visual people feel a bit grossed out at this point, sorry).
With all the ups and downs I've been through lately, I have come to understand those old cliches, "one day at a time". Each day is gift, that's why we call it the present. His mercies are new each day. Weeping comes at night, but joy comes in the morning...
So, while today is officially, in the natural world, my Birthday, I genuinely believe and feel like everyday is my birthday, because each morning I wake up, I am a new person, with a whole new day ahead of me. Something I have never experienced before.
Same for you! Yay!
Today has never happened before, just like the first ever day I experienced. Just like the first day we all experienced.
We all know the cliches such as, I don't need to celebrate just one day, "every day is Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Valentines Day, Christmas Day?..." Why don't we add "every day is my Birthday!" to that list? I've never been the biggest fan of cheesy cliches, but often that's because of my small-minded, cynical NZ cultured attitude. Ah yes, cynicism, the destroyer of hope. Not evidence of intelligence. I was wrong.
But they are often cliches because they are true! They can be deeper truths that most people never quite grasp or fully understand. A lot has to do with our busy, shallow, Hollywood, selfish culture, which discourages people from anything that is "too hard" (whiney voice).
Why can't we be new people every day, celebrating that we are alive. Why can't we celebrate that our friends and family are alive, after all, it's their birthday too if they want it! Why can't we celebrate together?
For many of us, this has been the hardest year of our lives. Earthquakes, lost city, lost family, lost friends, lost jobs, serious health problems, damaged homes, lost freedoms (I just got engaged;)),and that's just my list! But we can't focus on that stuff! As our Pastor Paul Bennetts said yesterday at church, if you lose your hope for the future, it's only a matter of time before bitterness takes you over (paraphrased). I don't know about you, but I can't stand hanging out with bitter people! I don't know how they can live with themselves 24/7!
All that's in the past, and can be hard to deal with, but we do need to eventually get over it. Often, It's not as simple as that. Get counseling, go to church, talk with your friends, pray or whatever, but you need to forget what is behind and press on to the future. Self pity would say, but that's too hard, don't you understand how I feel!? My life sucks, I feel like I've lost everything, you just don't understand...
Yes. I probably understand a little bit. God understands fully. Tell Him. If you don't believe in God, well that's your choice, but I know from experience, that you will never regret just one little prayer, when no one else is around to know you did it. You could be pleasantly surprised.
After all, it's your birthday isn't it!? I don't want to sulk all day in self pity so that others feel sorry for me! What a waste of a birthday! I know I've got lots left, but they do run out. That's the shocking news here folks, life is terminal. 100% of people infected with life will die. Thankfully, there's something else to look forward to after this life. A new, completely different life that none of us really have any idea will be like! Sweeeeeeet..... But as far as life as you know on this planet with these worn out old bodies, the clock is ticking. Will you keep wasting it?
I highly recommend not to.
Life is all about perspective. When people go up the mountains to enjoy the view, they don't go up there to stare at the ground beneath their feet!
It's the same with our lives. This world and our lives can be anything we want them to be. It just takes one choice to not follow our feelings, but let our feelings follow our choices!
Right, it's such a beautiful day outside, I'd better make the most of my birthday and get out there!
Happy Birthday Everyone!
Monday, February 20, 2012
Saturday, January 28, 2012
My Dad
My Dad, Leslie James Eggers
There's not enough space here, to list what a great man my dad was. I'll put a few things down just to start. He would hate that I'm telling you about him, he was far too modest and never wanted any recognition. Well, I'll give him just a bit now. I think he deserves it, and I'll deal with him when I see him next.
A couple of days before Christmas, they discovered cancer in dad's lungs. This week he passed away, with cancer in his lungs, lymph nodes, adrenal glands, liver, bones... It was so fast. It really hurts. We are very upset. This is very difficult. I miss him. But I will see him again one day. That will be a good day.
I couldn't have asked for a better dad. He was married to mum for 42 years and I never heard him complain once. What an amazing husband. What an amazing role model. Every single time I saw him, he was smiling and his famous humour was only a breath away. I never saw him get angry. Not once. Never.
I would only have to hint at needing something and he was there. Any time. Middle of the night. Even leaving his coffee half drunk. He literally dropped anything for us kids. No question, not even a change in facial expression, or even a single tone change of voice. I can remember nothing he ever did to disappoint me.
Until his last few days he was a smoker, and went on about his passion, horse racing sulkies, his job for the last four decades. Those were two things I didn't enjoy as much as he did! But the fact that he worked at home every single day of my life, meant I spent time with him, and he never worked late. We were always welcome in his workshop and greeted with enthusiasm. he was never too busy. Not once. Amazing.
He bought us up to be good, moral, hardworking, honest people, who should help others and stay away from people who were full of it and told us to do what we enjoy, even if you earn nothing from it! He did jobs for his clients and often did more than expected without telling anyone. If people couldn't afford the products, he just gave them a credit. Most of which, never got repaid. But he wasn't bothered. As long as people were being helped, he was happy.
In approximately 400 games of football that I played around the country over several years, he missed about two, due to family emergencies. For a family who went to Nelson once, and the West Coast a few times for our family holidays, with no money for hotels, or even ice-creams, I think that's amazing. Such was his absolute passion to spend as much time as possible with his boys.
He was the best example of a Christian man, while being absolutely irreligious and unreligious at the same time. He loved others unceasingly through his life, and was utterly unselfish, unmaterialistic, generous, consistent, and would give things to others without wanting anything in return. We grew up poor, with no luxuries like icecream and such, but we got the best example of what a Good Samaritan was. He was a second dad to many. He received an award for long service to Scouting NZ. That's nights and weekends away, volunteering. Coz he wanted to spend time with us boys. Then he stayed on and became the Patron, many years after Will and I had moved on. Always helping.
Sitting beside his hospital bed in his last days, every day I would go in, and he would bring up God and heaven and all that meaning of life stuff. I remember a doctor said something like this, "I hope you are prepared for the worst", to which dad replied, "the worst? I've only got good things to look forward to! Don't worry about me, I'm actually looking forward to seeing all my family and friends who are having fun up there without me!"
*Thanks dad. I've got that same simple faith as you. Loving others in such a simple and effective way and never telling anyone about it. You were the complete opposite to a religious stiff hypocrite, who is all talk and all selfish. Thanks for that example of how to live. I am trying my best*
He wasn't just a generous, giving man. When he was younger, he won top apprentice of the year for all of New Zealand. He was very, very intelligent, and never mentioned it once. He could invent and build anything with his hands. He was exceptionally creative.
He was mildly cynical. In other words, he was a good kiwi bloke! Sorry, I can't help the joking. It's dad's fault...;)
He was a great singer, actor and clown. I enjoyed him being around every single day. So did a lot of people.
If I am even half the man my dad was, I will be happy. He set the bar pretty darn high.
I'd better stop there or he will get the wooden spoon out, just like the good old days...
Kids of any age, your dad won't be around forever. Make sure you let him know how important he is, and tell him you love him. Maybe you could even thank him. You don't have to wait til Fathers Day...I'm so glad I got those last few days with him... Priceless...
NB: his funeral will be held on Monday 30th of January, 1pm, at Academy Funerals, 65 main south road, upper Riccarton, Christchurch. You are most welcome to come and celebrate my Dads life and support us. Thanks for your support so far.
There's not enough space here, to list what a great man my dad was. I'll put a few things down just to start. He would hate that I'm telling you about him, he was far too modest and never wanted any recognition. Well, I'll give him just a bit now. I think he deserves it, and I'll deal with him when I see him next.
A couple of days before Christmas, they discovered cancer in dad's lungs. This week he passed away, with cancer in his lungs, lymph nodes, adrenal glands, liver, bones... It was so fast. It really hurts. We are very upset. This is very difficult. I miss him. But I will see him again one day. That will be a good day.
I couldn't have asked for a better dad. He was married to mum for 42 years and I never heard him complain once. What an amazing husband. What an amazing role model. Every single time I saw him, he was smiling and his famous humour was only a breath away. I never saw him get angry. Not once. Never.
I would only have to hint at needing something and he was there. Any time. Middle of the night. Even leaving his coffee half drunk. He literally dropped anything for us kids. No question, not even a change in facial expression, or even a single tone change of voice. I can remember nothing he ever did to disappoint me.
Until his last few days he was a smoker, and went on about his passion, horse racing sulkies, his job for the last four decades. Those were two things I didn't enjoy as much as he did! But the fact that he worked at home every single day of my life, meant I spent time with him, and he never worked late. We were always welcome in his workshop and greeted with enthusiasm. he was never too busy. Not once. Amazing.
He bought us up to be good, moral, hardworking, honest people, who should help others and stay away from people who were full of it and told us to do what we enjoy, even if you earn nothing from it! He did jobs for his clients and often did more than expected without telling anyone. If people couldn't afford the products, he just gave them a credit. Most of which, never got repaid. But he wasn't bothered. As long as people were being helped, he was happy.
In approximately 400 games of football that I played around the country over several years, he missed about two, due to family emergencies. For a family who went to Nelson once, and the West Coast a few times for our family holidays, with no money for hotels, or even ice-creams, I think that's amazing. Such was his absolute passion to spend as much time as possible with his boys.
He was the best example of a Christian man, while being absolutely irreligious and unreligious at the same time. He loved others unceasingly through his life, and was utterly unselfish, unmaterialistic, generous, consistent, and would give things to others without wanting anything in return. We grew up poor, with no luxuries like icecream and such, but we got the best example of what a Good Samaritan was. He was a second dad to many. He received an award for long service to Scouting NZ. That's nights and weekends away, volunteering. Coz he wanted to spend time with us boys. Then he stayed on and became the Patron, many years after Will and I had moved on. Always helping.
Sitting beside his hospital bed in his last days, every day I would go in, and he would bring up God and heaven and all that meaning of life stuff. I remember a doctor said something like this, "I hope you are prepared for the worst", to which dad replied, "the worst? I've only got good things to look forward to! Don't worry about me, I'm actually looking forward to seeing all my family and friends who are having fun up there without me!"
*Thanks dad. I've got that same simple faith as you. Loving others in such a simple and effective way and never telling anyone about it. You were the complete opposite to a religious stiff hypocrite, who is all talk and all selfish. Thanks for that example of how to live. I am trying my best*
He wasn't just a generous, giving man. When he was younger, he won top apprentice of the year for all of New Zealand. He was very, very intelligent, and never mentioned it once. He could invent and build anything with his hands. He was exceptionally creative.
He was mildly cynical. In other words, he was a good kiwi bloke! Sorry, I can't help the joking. It's dad's fault...;)
He was a great singer, actor and clown. I enjoyed him being around every single day. So did a lot of people.
If I am even half the man my dad was, I will be happy. He set the bar pretty darn high.
I'd better stop there or he will get the wooden spoon out, just like the good old days...
Kids of any age, your dad won't be around forever. Make sure you let him know how important he is, and tell him you love him. Maybe you could even thank him. You don't have to wait til Fathers Day...I'm so glad I got those last few days with him... Priceless...
NB: his funeral will be held on Monday 30th of January, 1pm, at Academy Funerals, 65 main south road, upper Riccarton, Christchurch. You are most welcome to come and celebrate my Dads life and support us. Thanks for your support so far.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Beautiful People
Hi guys!
Sorry it's been a bit of a hiatus between blogs, I've just not felt up to it. Imagine being tired, then even more tired, then having hair fall out, then even more tired, then earthquakes not letting you sleep, then recovering from a major craniotomy, being on chemo and RT, finding out dad as lung cancer and can't drive either, taking 17-18 pills per day in the right order at about the same times each day, going to hospital five days a week, having blood tests all the time, can't work, drive, or you've heard it all before. Now I have so much respect for others who have gone through the same in their lives. Especially those who have stayed positive!
Another huge thanks to all the people taking me to hospital and supporting me! We'll get there! In fact, I haven't had a day since October 30th, when this all started, where I haven't had a visitor! That's tough for a raging introvert like me ;) Good job!
I think I have far too many friends;)
Some are incredible cooks, some extremely funny, some incredibly caring, some powerful and effective prayers, some good listeners, some inspiring, some great parental, sisterly and brotherly figures, some encouraging... No one's perfect, but some of you are pretty close to it in certain areas of your life. I guess when we have such a wide circle of friends then we get all we need to live a good life! Now, with what's happening, I understand that even more!
I have long heard that beauty is on the inside. That has taken on a whole new meaning lately.
Don't isolate yourself, invest in relationships, coz when the time comes for that term deposit to mature, you will be richly rewarded. Conversely, if you keep you to yourself and don't make any investments in others (also known as selfish/ self-centered etc) then you will probably find life much harder and less enjoyable than it could have been? What do you reckon?
Anyway, I got sidetracked...
So, just to update you all... I am balding in the front left of my head, as a result of the radiation treatment, which also makes me very thirsty and tired. It's a bit like sunbathing all day and drinking no water. You feel wasted most of the time. The treatment only takes a couple of minutes, but has long term effects.
The chemo usually makes people nauseous, tired etc, but so far I am handling that pretty well. Obviously, with both treatments running concurrently, it's difficult to attribute the effects to one or the other, but in general, they are similar to each other. I shouldn't go completely bald like billiard ball, which is cool I guess, but hair is overrated and our attachment to it can highlight possible vanity in our lives. For guys anyway!
I am still the same person, but I now have a different haircut, have worse short term memory, am "fatigued" (that's the medical term) and have less of a "filter" of what is socially acceptable to say. So I'm more blunt! So now I will occasionally tell you what I think, instead of what I'm supposed to say to be socially normal. Sorry about that. Get over it haha!
You still love me, right? :)
I hope so ;)
And if you don't, well I actually don't care!
Oh yeah, and I get sidetracked easily too. What was I talking about?
Good joke...
But it's true.
Oh yeah, I had a great time at Amelia and Jay's wedding last night. So did everyone else by the looks of it. Well done, all the best for your future together!
Back to me, coz it's MY blog! Get out of it!
So I've done four weeks out of six in my first stage of chemo and RT. Not feeling sick. Praise the Lord! Looking forward to a nice quiet day at home, partially in bed! Yippee!
Plan for the rest of today: will have a PowerNap! Wake up, will heat up some lasagna, watch a DVD, take some pills, fall asleep, wake up, take some more pills, someone will surprise me by knocking on the door, I will enjoy hanging out with them, they will go home, I will take more pills, drink another litre of water, heat up some homemade pies, watch tv, all while snoozing and repeatedly throwing my kitten off my face. Tomorrow I will wake up and do it all again.
Have just seen that there was a hot air balloon crash near Wellington. Puts things in perspective doesn't it?
Talk soon:)
Sorry it's been a bit of a hiatus between blogs, I've just not felt up to it. Imagine being tired, then even more tired, then having hair fall out, then even more tired, then earthquakes not letting you sleep, then recovering from a major craniotomy, being on chemo and RT, finding out dad as lung cancer and can't drive either, taking 17-18 pills per day in the right order at about the same times each day, going to hospital five days a week, having blood tests all the time, can't work, drive, or you've heard it all before. Now I have so much respect for others who have gone through the same in their lives. Especially those who have stayed positive!
Another huge thanks to all the people taking me to hospital and supporting me! We'll get there! In fact, I haven't had a day since October 30th, when this all started, where I haven't had a visitor! That's tough for a raging introvert like me ;) Good job!
I think I have far too many friends;)
Some are incredible cooks, some extremely funny, some incredibly caring, some powerful and effective prayers, some good listeners, some inspiring, some great parental, sisterly and brotherly figures, some encouraging... No one's perfect, but some of you are pretty close to it in certain areas of your life. I guess when we have such a wide circle of friends then we get all we need to live a good life! Now, with what's happening, I understand that even more!
I have long heard that beauty is on the inside. That has taken on a whole new meaning lately.
Don't isolate yourself, invest in relationships, coz when the time comes for that term deposit to mature, you will be richly rewarded. Conversely, if you keep you to yourself and don't make any investments in others (also known as selfish/ self-centered etc) then you will probably find life much harder and less enjoyable than it could have been? What do you reckon?
Anyway, I got sidetracked...
So, just to update you all... I am balding in the front left of my head, as a result of the radiation treatment, which also makes me very thirsty and tired. It's a bit like sunbathing all day and drinking no water. You feel wasted most of the time. The treatment only takes a couple of minutes, but has long term effects.
The chemo usually makes people nauseous, tired etc, but so far I am handling that pretty well. Obviously, with both treatments running concurrently, it's difficult to attribute the effects to one or the other, but in general, they are similar to each other. I shouldn't go completely bald like billiard ball, which is cool I guess, but hair is overrated and our attachment to it can highlight possible vanity in our lives. For guys anyway!
I am still the same person, but I now have a different haircut, have worse short term memory, am "fatigued" (that's the medical term) and have less of a "filter" of what is socially acceptable to say. So I'm more blunt! So now I will occasionally tell you what I think, instead of what I'm supposed to say to be socially normal. Sorry about that. Get over it haha!
You still love me, right? :)
I hope so ;)
And if you don't, well I actually don't care!
Oh yeah, and I get sidetracked easily too. What was I talking about?
Good joke...
But it's true.
Oh yeah, I had a great time at Amelia and Jay's wedding last night. So did everyone else by the looks of it. Well done, all the best for your future together!
Back to me, coz it's MY blog! Get out of it!
So I've done four weeks out of six in my first stage of chemo and RT. Not feeling sick. Praise the Lord! Looking forward to a nice quiet day at home, partially in bed! Yippee!
Plan for the rest of today: will have a PowerNap! Wake up, will heat up some lasagna, watch a DVD, take some pills, fall asleep, wake up, take some more pills, someone will surprise me by knocking on the door, I will enjoy hanging out with them, they will go home, I will take more pills, drink another litre of water, heat up some homemade pies, watch tv, all while snoozing and repeatedly throwing my kitten off my face. Tomorrow I will wake up and do it all again.
Have just seen that there was a hot air balloon crash near Wellington. Puts things in perspective doesn't it?
Talk soon:)
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Concrete Pills
Hello there...
Just got back from my third treatment at the hospital. So I've had three chemotherapy sessions and three radiotherapy (RT) sessions now. I'm not radioactive though and I never will be. Just in case you are wearing your lead undies when you hang out with me.
I don't feel any different yet. Actually, I probably feel better if anything, because I am finally doing something, instead of just waiting around and sleeping. I hope it lasts. I think it will, but I really have no idea! This is the first time I've had this happen, I'm no expert at all of this! My doctors were very encouraging, saying I could handle this well, seeing that I am relatively fit and healthy. It's been a long time since someone said something like that to me. I loved it!
Mr Fit N Healthy.
So three down, 27 to go! Thats 10% done! Bring on January 20th! Oh yeah, then a month break, and on my birthday (thanks for the gift) I start six more months of stepped up chemo... OK then, bring on August 20th! Not long to go!
Also, as an aside, if you are finding this whole thing weird and don't know what to say to me or maybe you are uncomfortable and don't know how to talk to me or anything like that, just don't worry! I am still the same person and I love joking around, so maybe you could spend some time thinking up a good tumour or cancer joke and break the ice that way. I am a bit tireder than normal, and want to be alone often so I don't get annoyed with people, but when I'm at church or other social gatherings, like dominating on the backyard cricket front, just be the same and chat about it. I need to talk about it to process and try to figure all this out as well. I can't do that if you won't talk to me! But it's not really a big deal! Just bringing it up in case :)
The fact is, most people whinge about headaches, sore throats, coughs, tiredness, exams, relationships, being poor, being hungry, having an old cellphone, not winning on a computer game, poor refereeing, slow drivers, cold French fries, bird poo on my nice expensive car, rain, heat, cold,
...everything!
I'd like to say "get over it!"
Or possibly, "get over yourself!"
"how dare they drive so slowly in front of me! Do they not know who I am? I'm the centre of the universe! My wants, needs and desires are above all else! I'm gonna overtake them and give them the evils... Oh... It's my Pastor..."
"Hi!" *forced smile and fake wave accompanied by guilt*
I think, if I can handle cancer and other people can handle things far, far worse than that, like when Jesus was tortured and nailed to a cross, then prayed for those who were doing it! we can all probably handle things with a better attitude without getting all snotty and whinging. I'm just saying. To myself as well! Maybe there's something in your life that you could decide to get over?
The End
Oh and by the way, the doctors told me I could be a bit more random now, what with half of my brain being somewhere overseas now. Good luck following my random rants...
That was supposed to be just a quick sidetrack...
I guess what I'm trying say is, I have started. I am a chemo and RT patient. But I still feel normal. Just tired, which can occasionally make me a bit slow. I still haven't had a headache for literally months, or possibly years, it's been a very long time anyway. There's no nausea. Possibly because I have had several anti-nausea tablets today with my chemo, or maybe because I've had thousands of prayers! I reckon a combo of both is a good bet ;)
Thanks for the support, and thanks for reading these blogs, it is actually very encouraging for me to know that hundreds of people care enough to spend time reading my updates! It makes me feel quite good, if I'm gonna be honest!
TTYL (that's me mocking text speak)... LOL
Just got back from my third treatment at the hospital. So I've had three chemotherapy sessions and three radiotherapy (RT) sessions now. I'm not radioactive though and I never will be. Just in case you are wearing your lead undies when you hang out with me.
I don't feel any different yet. Actually, I probably feel better if anything, because I am finally doing something, instead of just waiting around and sleeping. I hope it lasts. I think it will, but I really have no idea! This is the first time I've had this happen, I'm no expert at all of this! My doctors were very encouraging, saying I could handle this well, seeing that I am relatively fit and healthy. It's been a long time since someone said something like that to me. I loved it!
Mr Fit N Healthy.
So three down, 27 to go! Thats 10% done! Bring on January 20th! Oh yeah, then a month break, and on my birthday (thanks for the gift) I start six more months of stepped up chemo... OK then, bring on August 20th! Not long to go!
Also, as an aside, if you are finding this whole thing weird and don't know what to say to me or maybe you are uncomfortable and don't know how to talk to me or anything like that, just don't worry! I am still the same person and I love joking around, so maybe you could spend some time thinking up a good tumour or cancer joke and break the ice that way. I am a bit tireder than normal, and want to be alone often so I don't get annoyed with people, but when I'm at church or other social gatherings, like dominating on the backyard cricket front, just be the same and chat about it. I need to talk about it to process and try to figure all this out as well. I can't do that if you won't talk to me! But it's not really a big deal! Just bringing it up in case :)
The fact is, most people whinge about headaches, sore throats, coughs, tiredness, exams, relationships, being poor, being hungry, having an old cellphone, not winning on a computer game, poor refereeing, slow drivers, cold French fries, bird poo on my nice expensive car, rain, heat, cold,
...everything!
I'd like to say "get over it!"
Or possibly, "get over yourself!"
"how dare they drive so slowly in front of me! Do they not know who I am? I'm the centre of the universe! My wants, needs and desires are above all else! I'm gonna overtake them and give them the evils... Oh... It's my Pastor..."
"Hi!" *forced smile and fake wave accompanied by guilt*
I think, if I can handle cancer and other people can handle things far, far worse than that, like when Jesus was tortured and nailed to a cross, then prayed for those who were doing it! we can all probably handle things with a better attitude without getting all snotty and whinging. I'm just saying. To myself as well! Maybe there's something in your life that you could decide to get over?
The End
Oh and by the way, the doctors told me I could be a bit more random now, what with half of my brain being somewhere overseas now. Good luck following my random rants...
That was supposed to be just a quick sidetrack...
I guess what I'm trying say is, I have started. I am a chemo and RT patient. But I still feel normal. Just tired, which can occasionally make me a bit slow. I still haven't had a headache for literally months, or possibly years, it's been a very long time anyway. There's no nausea. Possibly because I have had several anti-nausea tablets today with my chemo, or maybe because I've had thousands of prayers! I reckon a combo of both is a good bet ;)
Thanks for the support, and thanks for reading these blogs, it is actually very encouraging for me to know that hundreds of people care enough to spend time reading my updates! It makes me feel quite good, if I'm gonna be honest!
TTYL (that's me mocking text speak)... LOL
Monday, December 12, 2011
Today...
Today is the day.
I had surgery four and a half weeks ago. Today I go to hospital to start my radiation therapy and my chemotherapy, as well as two more meetings this morning. All going well, I should be home before five this afternoon. Cancer treatment seems like a full-time job!
Thanks for your prayers and meals and other help. I have enough meals for this week. You know who you are :)
So the info from the oncology staff (which is basically the cancer department) is that the first few days should be ok, but then I will start losing my hair and getting extra tired. I will have nausea, irritability, permanent sunburn, possible infertility, weight change, and other positive side effects! But at least I'm alive right?
My good friend Andy Marshall isn't. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. But he was murdered in Perth, Western Australia, in May this year by someone associated with a bikie gang (allegedly). So I have a pretty bad problem, but I am still here to enjoy my life as best as I can, so you won't hear me complaining! I'm just grateful to still be alive, even though it's going to be tough for a few months. At least I have that time, which so many people haven't!
So I miss Andy. Nowhere near as much as his family, who it was great to see yesterday, but I will notice him not being around this summer as we have a few days of BBQs, backyard cricket and goofing around. It's so unfair, especially for such a great family. But thats life, we just have to get over it, if and when we can, with the help of our friends and family.
See you again, Andy. Not for a while though ;) I still have work to do!
50 years should be enough please. Thank you.
Yeah... Having said all of that, and as positive as I am determined to be, this whole situation absolutely sucks! I hate it. I want a nice family and kids and house and long enjoyable life that 'everyone else' seems to have. I am still hoping for that. I am still believing for that. But physically, my present reality is that I may only have a couple of years, maybe five or so, to live. I'm unhappy about that. Considering a year of it will be in hospital, while my friends keep having kids, great careers, planning their nice long lives together...
But as I was thinking yesterday, I would rather have five inspiring, legacy leaving years than 50 years where I am just another sheep following the crowd. I would rather be awake and live than asleep and live. That's what all of this has done. I am now awake. It was a wake up call. Stop mucking around being a good person, pleasing people so everyone likes you. That half assed life is a waste of time and will just be pretty much useless in the big scheme of things. Sort it out and get off your white picket fence! Sitting on it is a pain in the $@&!
Ooh, he said "assed"...
Get over it you religious hypocrite
*careful James, you are preaching!*
Oops
But it's still true.
Good point.
I'm a hypocrite too. Not all the time though ;)
Yes.
Internal dialogue finished.
So let's have a shower, and go take some poison and radiation to save my life for a few more years. I'll be back here soon to let you know how it all goes. Short term pain for long term gain. Please pray for strength, it's working so far! I will need more for the next few months.
Thanks family.
I had surgery four and a half weeks ago. Today I go to hospital to start my radiation therapy and my chemotherapy, as well as two more meetings this morning. All going well, I should be home before five this afternoon. Cancer treatment seems like a full-time job!
Thanks for your prayers and meals and other help. I have enough meals for this week. You know who you are :)
So the info from the oncology staff (which is basically the cancer department) is that the first few days should be ok, but then I will start losing my hair and getting extra tired. I will have nausea, irritability, permanent sunburn, possible infertility, weight change, and other positive side effects! But at least I'm alive right?
My good friend Andy Marshall isn't. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. But he was murdered in Perth, Western Australia, in May this year by someone associated with a bikie gang (allegedly). So I have a pretty bad problem, but I am still here to enjoy my life as best as I can, so you won't hear me complaining! I'm just grateful to still be alive, even though it's going to be tough for a few months. At least I have that time, which so many people haven't!
So I miss Andy. Nowhere near as much as his family, who it was great to see yesterday, but I will notice him not being around this summer as we have a few days of BBQs, backyard cricket and goofing around. It's so unfair, especially for such a great family. But thats life, we just have to get over it, if and when we can, with the help of our friends and family.
See you again, Andy. Not for a while though ;) I still have work to do!
50 years should be enough please. Thank you.
Yeah... Having said all of that, and as positive as I am determined to be, this whole situation absolutely sucks! I hate it. I want a nice family and kids and house and long enjoyable life that 'everyone else' seems to have. I am still hoping for that. I am still believing for that. But physically, my present reality is that I may only have a couple of years, maybe five or so, to live. I'm unhappy about that. Considering a year of it will be in hospital, while my friends keep having kids, great careers, planning their nice long lives together...
But as I was thinking yesterday, I would rather have five inspiring, legacy leaving years than 50 years where I am just another sheep following the crowd. I would rather be awake and live than asleep and live. That's what all of this has done. I am now awake. It was a wake up call. Stop mucking around being a good person, pleasing people so everyone likes you. That half assed life is a waste of time and will just be pretty much useless in the big scheme of things. Sort it out and get off your white picket fence! Sitting on it is a pain in the $@&!
Ooh, he said "assed"...
Get over it you religious hypocrite
*careful James, you are preaching!*
Oops
But it's still true.
Good point.
I'm a hypocrite too. Not all the time though ;)
Yes.
Internal dialogue finished.
So let's have a shower, and go take some poison and radiation to save my life for a few more years. I'll be back here soon to let you know how it all goes. Short term pain for long term gain. Please pray for strength, it's working so far! I will need more for the next few months.
Thanks family.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Appointlessments.
All right then, I'll write another blog... It's been a few days hasn't it.
Went to the hospital this afternoon, to start my treatments. To cut a long story short, they weren't organised. So they said sorry. We will try to start your radiotherapy and chemo next Monday instead. It's a bit frustrating, considering I was supposed to start last Monday, and things just keep getting delayed because the various departments haven't communicated and coordinated with each other. I've organised drivers and attended two pointless appointments at hospital in the last few days. In addition to this, they have also changed all of my treatment times twice.
I call them "appointlessments".
Also, today one of my radiotherapists said that I may not need chemotherapy after all! I've learnt by now just to wait and see thanks. Life doesn't have to be a roller coaster. Just focus on the hope you have for your future and do what you have to to get there. You don't have to go up and down with every little bit of news that you are given. I acknowledge it, I don't live in denial, but I don't let my moods and emotions follow what other people tell me. That's like being lost at sea and blown around by the wind and waves. Anchor your soul with hope. You don't have to drown in an ocean of negative emotions.
Ooh, I like that...
But, all of this disorganization is understandable, considering Tony Ryall is the minister of health, the man in charge at the top. Bless his heart...
But I jest. Forgive me ;)
In actual fact, the staff at the hospital couldn't be more pleasant to deal with, I have had nothing but great service, which has exceeded my expectations and made things far easier than I would've expected. You should try it out some time. Maybe fake some serious health problems and enjoy the ride. Especially the jelly and icecream. It needs to be seen to be believed.
Also, my friends and family have brought a tear to my eye by how much care they have shown me. If I haven't thanked you or returned your texts and calls, sorry, consider this your thanks. I have had so many offers of help, it has almost overwhelmed me! I guess if I was to say one thing, it would be that I need your help for a few months yet. I will be at hospital every day. I will prob lose my hair and be sick. My sickness benefit starts this week and it's only about the same as my mortgage payments each week, so it's gonna be tough to get by. Not just this week! But much of next year as well.
So, please don't forget me, but on the other side, one or two meals a month, or rides, or visits etc and I will be a busy boy! Also, I am pretty exhausted after around 8pm, so I'm sorry if I come for dinner and then zone out on the couch! Maybe earlier dinners would work best...?
Just some helpful hints that I have learnt in the last few weeks. Lol
Yeah, you all know that life sucks some times, I'm not the only one to have had serious health problems, but no matter how bad things get, there are always so many more things to be thankful for and to enjoy. Im tired, but I don't have to cook tonight! I have to go to hospital again tomorrow, but I get to see my best mate! Etc
Life's not about comfort, that a lie. It's about loving God and loving other people, and that's not always comfortable! But I'm so glad that people love me, and that God loves me. I can't imagine going through this without them.
It's all worth it in the end
Went to the hospital this afternoon, to start my treatments. To cut a long story short, they weren't organised. So they said sorry. We will try to start your radiotherapy and chemo next Monday instead. It's a bit frustrating, considering I was supposed to start last Monday, and things just keep getting delayed because the various departments haven't communicated and coordinated with each other. I've organised drivers and attended two pointless appointments at hospital in the last few days. In addition to this, they have also changed all of my treatment times twice.
I call them "appointlessments".
Also, today one of my radiotherapists said that I may not need chemotherapy after all! I've learnt by now just to wait and see thanks. Life doesn't have to be a roller coaster. Just focus on the hope you have for your future and do what you have to to get there. You don't have to go up and down with every little bit of news that you are given. I acknowledge it, I don't live in denial, but I don't let my moods and emotions follow what other people tell me. That's like being lost at sea and blown around by the wind and waves. Anchor your soul with hope. You don't have to drown in an ocean of negative emotions.
Ooh, I like that...
But, all of this disorganization is understandable, considering Tony Ryall is the minister of health, the man in charge at the top. Bless his heart...
But I jest. Forgive me ;)
In actual fact, the staff at the hospital couldn't be more pleasant to deal with, I have had nothing but great service, which has exceeded my expectations and made things far easier than I would've expected. You should try it out some time. Maybe fake some serious health problems and enjoy the ride. Especially the jelly and icecream. It needs to be seen to be believed.
Also, my friends and family have brought a tear to my eye by how much care they have shown me. If I haven't thanked you or returned your texts and calls, sorry, consider this your thanks. I have had so many offers of help, it has almost overwhelmed me! I guess if I was to say one thing, it would be that I need your help for a few months yet. I will be at hospital every day. I will prob lose my hair and be sick. My sickness benefit starts this week and it's only about the same as my mortgage payments each week, so it's gonna be tough to get by. Not just this week! But much of next year as well.
So, please don't forget me, but on the other side, one or two meals a month, or rides, or visits etc and I will be a busy boy! Also, I am pretty exhausted after around 8pm, so I'm sorry if I come for dinner and then zone out on the couch! Maybe earlier dinners would work best...?
Just some helpful hints that I have learnt in the last few weeks. Lol
Yeah, you all know that life sucks some times, I'm not the only one to have had serious health problems, but no matter how bad things get, there are always so many more things to be thankful for and to enjoy. Im tired, but I don't have to cook tonight! I have to go to hospital again tomorrow, but I get to see my best mate! Etc
Life's not about comfort, that a lie. It's about loving God and loving other people, and that's not always comfortable! But I'm so glad that people love me, and that God loves me. I can't imagine going through this without them.
It's all worth it in the end
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Wait Issues
Hello...
Last Friday, I went in for another MRI. This was a post operative scan to see how the surgery went, and from those results, the medical staff could plan my future treatment. Originally, I was scheduled to come in on Monday the 5th of december, to have my first session of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but after the results of the MRI, they put this back until thursday the 8th of december. Although I am getting a bit sick of waiting around at home, I am still happy with this news. This tells me that the six weeks, then six months of follow up treatment, although important, is not urgent. In other words, if I had some stuff still left in my head that urgently needed to start coming out, then they would've got me in there to get started. So the delay is actually good news, even though it drags things out for a few more days. Thursday 8th of December at 2pm is now the first session. Then 1:50pm on Friday. Looking forward to it...
In case you're wondering, each time I go in for a treatment session, I get a free car parking voucher to put on the car's dashboard. So we don't have to pay for parking! Good! basically, it will work like this: you drive around to the Oncology Department, drop me off, I go in, I get the voucher, I come out (to the car...), give you the voucher, then you go find a car park while I go in and wait. Then you come in and wait, or do whatever you want for a few minutes, like go get yourself a coffee, or some personal grooming, or do some donuts in the car park etc... Or you could come in and wait in the waiting room. We'll see what works best?
Then... Every weekday for six weeks, I have to go in for treatment. Usually this will take no more than one hour at a time, then I can go home and relax again. This will go all the way through Christmas holidays until late January. Ive had a few very generous offers of assistance, so thanks to those people, (you know who you are!) I owe you big time! They have given me the times for the following week as well, but as these could possibly change, I will just keep these to myself for now. Maybe next week I will broadcast them into Blogland for my knights in shining armour to come and rescue me. Thank you in advance to all those who can help.
Following this initial six week intensive schedule, I have six months of chemotherapy. This involves taking pills every day for a week, then having three weeks off to feel sick etc. Just as I start to feel better, I have to take the pills again for another week. And so on. For six months. Yay... That will be fun... I don't know too much about this stage of things, so I'll just leave it at that. Also, I am taking four pills each night to stop me having another seizure. Working so far ;)
Oh yeah. No driving for 12 months. Time I sorted out my bike! If I'm allowed to that is!
So, lots of waiting. No going out. Lots of time sitting on the couch. Getting SkyTV installed tomorrow. Can't afford it. Will just have to make some cutbacks somewhere, but as I am no longer doing a physical job, hopefully I can adjust my diet to eat less and spend less on food. Don't want any wait issues. I've got a marathon to run ;) A very good friend has shouted me a Fatso DVD subscription, which I have already ordered about 30 movies from! My cousin dropped off dozens of movies yesterday as well. Id better stop there, coz i'll forget someone! I love the advice I am getting from those who have been here before, so thanks for that, I really appreciate your help, even if I have lost a bit of my short term memory at the moment and forgotten to thank you each individually! God won't forget, even if I seem to for a while. I am honestly touched by your acts of love and kindness. I'll pay you back... Honest... :p
Waiting has thrown up all kinds of issues. (maybe not the best weigh of putting it). (yes my spelling mistakes are intentional). ( more bracketed comments)
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, sunbathing. Please pray for sunshine so I can lie around outside on my deck and get rid of my nasty ankle tan lines. I have been working on these for about five years, so I don't expect fast results, but considering I have a few months of resting at home, I intend to pursue them until the bitter end. White feet are not cool, and now is the hour for their demise. They have had their time in the sun (or not) and that has come to an end. If you wish to say goodbye to my white feet, send me a text and you can come and visit them. They won't be here forever, so don't take them for granted.
Ooh, I think I see some blue skies starting to break through.
I have work to do!
Last Friday, I went in for another MRI. This was a post operative scan to see how the surgery went, and from those results, the medical staff could plan my future treatment. Originally, I was scheduled to come in on Monday the 5th of december, to have my first session of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but after the results of the MRI, they put this back until thursday the 8th of december. Although I am getting a bit sick of waiting around at home, I am still happy with this news. This tells me that the six weeks, then six months of follow up treatment, although important, is not urgent. In other words, if I had some stuff still left in my head that urgently needed to start coming out, then they would've got me in there to get started. So the delay is actually good news, even though it drags things out for a few more days. Thursday 8th of December at 2pm is now the first session. Then 1:50pm on Friday. Looking forward to it...
In case you're wondering, each time I go in for a treatment session, I get a free car parking voucher to put on the car's dashboard. So we don't have to pay for parking! Good! basically, it will work like this: you drive around to the Oncology Department, drop me off, I go in, I get the voucher, I come out (to the car...), give you the voucher, then you go find a car park while I go in and wait. Then you come in and wait, or do whatever you want for a few minutes, like go get yourself a coffee, or some personal grooming, or do some donuts in the car park etc... Or you could come in and wait in the waiting room. We'll see what works best?
Then... Every weekday for six weeks, I have to go in for treatment. Usually this will take no more than one hour at a time, then I can go home and relax again. This will go all the way through Christmas holidays until late January. Ive had a few very generous offers of assistance, so thanks to those people, (you know who you are!) I owe you big time! They have given me the times for the following week as well, but as these could possibly change, I will just keep these to myself for now. Maybe next week I will broadcast them into Blogland for my knights in shining armour to come and rescue me. Thank you in advance to all those who can help.
Following this initial six week intensive schedule, I have six months of chemotherapy. This involves taking pills every day for a week, then having three weeks off to feel sick etc. Just as I start to feel better, I have to take the pills again for another week. And so on. For six months. Yay... That will be fun... I don't know too much about this stage of things, so I'll just leave it at that. Also, I am taking four pills each night to stop me having another seizure. Working so far ;)
Oh yeah. No driving for 12 months. Time I sorted out my bike! If I'm allowed to that is!
So, lots of waiting. No going out. Lots of time sitting on the couch. Getting SkyTV installed tomorrow. Can't afford it. Will just have to make some cutbacks somewhere, but as I am no longer doing a physical job, hopefully I can adjust my diet to eat less and spend less on food. Don't want any wait issues. I've got a marathon to run ;) A very good friend has shouted me a Fatso DVD subscription, which I have already ordered about 30 movies from! My cousin dropped off dozens of movies yesterday as well. Id better stop there, coz i'll forget someone! I love the advice I am getting from those who have been here before, so thanks for that, I really appreciate your help, even if I have lost a bit of my short term memory at the moment and forgotten to thank you each individually! God won't forget, even if I seem to for a while. I am honestly touched by your acts of love and kindness. I'll pay you back... Honest... :p
Waiting has thrown up all kinds of issues. (maybe not the best weigh of putting it). (yes my spelling mistakes are intentional). ( more bracketed comments)
Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, sunbathing. Please pray for sunshine so I can lie around outside on my deck and get rid of my nasty ankle tan lines. I have been working on these for about five years, so I don't expect fast results, but considering I have a few months of resting at home, I intend to pursue them until the bitter end. White feet are not cool, and now is the hour for their demise. They have had their time in the sun (or not) and that has come to an end. If you wish to say goodbye to my white feet, send me a text and you can come and visit them. They won't be here forever, so don't take them for granted.
Ooh, I think I see some blue skies starting to break through.
I have work to do!
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