Monday, February 14, 2011

Introvert Guilt

As you might know, introverts love time by themselves. Extroverts don't naturally understand this and can easily get annoyed with their introvert friends because of their lack of understanding, thinking that they are wierd, rude, antisocial, selfish, and that they don't care about others. These judgements are based in ignorance of others who are different from them.It's not always their fault, it's the way our society seems to work, and is a natural mindset in this time where people are too busy to really put any effort in to thinking about meaningful things.

This underlying pressure to not be introverted, tells the introvert that who they are is not ok, and that they must socialise and be extroverted to be normal. This pressure makes the introvert feel like they must always say "yes" to every social event, so that their extroverted friends won't attack them with disapproval and hurtful assumptions.

Out of this pressure to be extroverted, spawns an incidious phenomena, commonly referred to as "Introvert guilt". This happens when you crave time alone, but feel guilty for neglecting your family and friends.

Overcoming introvert guilt - which many people with introverted personality traits feel when they take time for themselves - can be as simple as making a schedule and sticking to it!

“Our modern society puts more emphasis on getting along in parties and groups, assertiveness and classic extroverted personality traits,” says Suite101 writer Alicia King. “Society's lessons can make us feel wrong about wanting solitude.”

Introverted personality traits go against the norm in many communities, companies, and groups. Introverts prefer to spend time alone or with one or two others. Many introverts accept invitations to events and activities because of introvert guilt (actually, whether we’re introverts or extroverts, many of us are people pleasers who have a hard time saying no).

Introverts are relatively easily overstimulated at work or in groups of people. A tell-tale introverted personality characteristic is how they get their energy. Introverts need to be alone to feel refreshed and back in touch with themselves. In contrast, extroverts get their energy from groups of people.

So here's some tips for introverts to deal with this, from some websites I have been reading:

Overcoming Introvert Guilt

1.Know your personality. The more you learn about your introverted personality characteristics, the more familiar and normal they become. When you know yourself, you can accept yourself.

2.Schedule downtime. Write it on your calendar or in your daytimer: Mon, Weds and Fri from 4 to 5:30 pm is your time. Do whatever it is that fills you up again with positive energy.

3.Practice saying no. The more you say no even if you feel guilty, the easier it’ll get. You don’t have to have a reason to say no (though needing time alone is one of the best reasons there is).

4.Unite with fellow introverted personality types. Learn to identify people with introverted personality characteristics. Maybe you have a close friend to visit with, but you don’t necessarily want to talk the whole time. If she’s an introvert, discuss ways to be together without constant conversation. Carpooling to the gym works because you can chat to and from the fitness centre, and still have some quiet time on the machines.

5.Don't take other's disapproval personally. Just because you do things differently from them and they don't always get it, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you! We all like other people to like us, but that should just be the icing on the cake to our self-esteem. You are made in a certain, unique way, so just accept yourself and hang out with people who understand and appreciate you for who you are. Don't spend too much time with people who make you feel bad about who you are, it's not healthy.

It is OK to spend time by yourself, don't feel bad :D

1 comment:

  1. Thank You!
    This article was very helpful and encouraging.
    Though I am 26 turning 27, I am only now discovering my introversion as a personality type, and a legitimate one at that. I have come to understand that most of my life I have felt great shame for being by myself, sure that I was a failure in some way. And only now I am learning to mend this wound that was made out of my own guilt.
    Thanks :)

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