Flashback :2007

Hi! I've been sorting through my old files, with the intention of cleaning up my computer and I came across a few of these old blogs from a time before Facebook was popular. The deep, dark past of 2007... This one is from MySpace! Remember that? I wrote it in May 2007! In fact, I wrote it on my last ever sick day!(before my current enforced holiday!)Interesting glimpse into the past. (Disclaimer: this article reflects my thoughts, attitudes and beliefs of the time, not necessarily now. It reminded me that life is a journey and we are always learning and growing) Hope you enjoy it :)

BEGIN HERE: MAY 2007

Hello

I have the day off because I have a cold and it is raining. So I can take some time out and write something. I'm looking forward to this... lets see what happens.

Some of you may know, but most probably don't, that I have been studying at the Living Wisdom night school for the past 18 weeks. In short, this school is teaching us some life and counseling skills. It also has many other goals, such as teaching us how to speak the truth in love, how to see ourselves how God sees us, and to teach us how to renew our minds. It has been my experience that we are often told to do many Christian things but find it hard coz we don’t know exactly "how" to do it.

So that’s what this course has done for my classmates and I. Now I know how to take my thoughts captive and make them obedient to Christ. Now I know why I believe lies and don’t want to embrace the truth. It’s often easier to live in delusion coz its all we have known, in some cases, for our entire lives. But Jesus promised that when we know the truth it will set us free, and I have finally been persuaded that this is the case, even if I have to go through hell first!

But enough about that. I was just thinking "yeah it’s great that I have been studying a course on wisdom, but why? what’s the point of getting wisdom anyway?" So I thought, the bible might tell me. It’s good like that!

I first checked my concordance to see what "wisdom" translates to in the original Hebrew. "hokma" wisdom, skill, learning, this can refer to skill in life, trade, war, or spiritual things. This is cool. It seems to be telling me that wisdom is a skill. Skills can be learned can’t they? Cool so wisdom isn't necessarily something super-spiritual (although there is that element) but it’s a skill! Sweet as. We can learn wisdom, and with practice get better skilled at life and other various things.

Cool.

Anyway, Proverbs chapters two and three seem to give some pretty cool advice about these benefits of wisdom. So I started to read it and here's some of the stuff that it says. I think there seems to be a lot of things so I will just list a few off them.

Verse 5: You will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Discretion will protect you and understanding will guard you. (Well that’s good, if discretion and understanding are protecting and guarding me, then surely that means I don't have to protect myself. I don't have to be on the defensive, I can let my walls down, I can express who I am and not be afraid. All of our relationships and lives will be much more fulfilling if we all let our walls down and came closer to each other. Isn't that what God intends? He will protect us. Relax).

Wisdom will save us from wicked men.

It will save us from the adulteress.

We will live in the land. (What land?) The Promised Land (what's your Promised Land?) wisdom will let you live in your Promised Land, where your dreams and goals are fulfilled and the desires of your heart are met. I want to live there!

Our lives will be prolonged and prosperous, our bodies healthy and nourished.

Wisdom will bring peace to our lives. (Not necessarily our circumstances, but in our souls (heart/mind/emotions) instead).

Well, there’s heaps more in there, I highly recommend that you read it yourself...

In Proverbs 3:7 Solomon warns us not to be wise in our own eyes. My thoughts here would be, to remember who gives you the wisdom = God, not yourself! And also to check why you are gaining wisdom. Is it for purely selfish reasons? To feel good about yourself and improve you life. Or is it purely to please other people? If we always please people, then how can we always please God? Both are wrong. We should be seeking wisdom so that we can find a healthy balance of helping both ourselves and others and ultimately bring some positive attention to our heavenly Father.

Its not always selfish to want good things, and its not always loving to help other people (they might just need to learn how to swim on their own for example). So seek wisdom for everyone's benefit and ask God to help you remain humble as you do so.

Well I might go get some breakfast now. I have only just touched the tip of this huge iceberg, and I am in desperate need of a coffee. Hope you get something from my ramblings and seek a bit more wisdom in your lives.

Might come back later, got the day off, so there’s only so much relaxing I can do without getting bored!

Bye

END HERE: JULY 2012

Well, I did come back later! Took my time though! Since then I have done many wise and unwise things, but with the intention of increasing the wise things and learning to weed out those unwise things.

I was thinking that our lives are like gardens, with many beautiful and fruitful plants growing in them. If we keep making unwise decisions, it's like allowing the weeds to grow and choke those God-given plants, making it difficult for us to produce anything of any value! You would have to rely on going to the supermarket every week and giving your money to someone else just to get fed! I would rather grow my own veges to feed my family, and even have so many that I would take my extra food to the supermarket and give it to them! That sounds very rewarding!

(Of course we will always need to go to the supermarket regularly to get stuff, if we want our lives to actually taste any good!) ;)

I don't want my life to be like that neglected, old compost heap! With a few old spuds growing in it, and lots of weeds!

And let's be honest... it smells a bit funny...

I would rather my tomato plants, for example, were straining under the weight of masses of fruit, needing others to take the fruit off! This helps everyone! I would have to help others, just to survive! A weak spindly tomato plant with weeds growing all over it won't help anyone. Sometimes it even struggles to help itself!

While some things change over time, and we should all be wanting to grow, some things remain the same. I am still in desperate need of a coffee!

:)

Howdy, Stranger!

Hello. I've got some exciting news! It's the best news EVER!!!

Two minutes later...

Hey! I've got some new exciting news for you!

Five minutes later...

I just saw the most EPIC thing EVER!!!

Three minutes later...

This one thing will completely change your life!

Our attention spans are so much shorter than they have ever been...

It's not good enough to hear the best news you have ever heard.

Two minutes later you have probably got bored and forgotten it and want something more!

What did I read three lines ago?

I wonder what's on MTV?

I just checked, and I have 20 draft blogs, that I have written, but not posted. (You are welcome). It made me realise how many ideas I get, but then get another one and forget the previous one and move on.

What if I didn't think like a goldfish and actually finished more of these blogs.

But I get distracted and want to move on.

I'm not going to write a 'proper' blog today.

I would just be adding to this 'Shallowisation of Society'.

This 'Superficialisation' of our culture.

The 'Conveyer Belt of Idea Consumerism'

There are so many profound truths in this world, which all get lost in the crowd.

Especially if their delivery isn't entertaining.

We spend a lot of time watching tv, so someone can tell us what to think

I know this is true because I saw it on tv...

Remember the word 'meditation'?

It's not just a buddhist thing, with butterflies flying around your head.

You don't have to empty your mind

Then there's nothing in there and all sorts of stupid things can fill it up

You can actually meditate on good things

Yes! Try thinking this thought here over and over for even just a minute:

Can you sit still for a minute?

I'm loved by and significant to God and my friends and family, I've got a great future, I have so much good stuff in my life, today's gonna be a good day...

Try that...

Tell me you don't feel better afterwards :)

But that pretty much doesn't happen

People are too busy being busy

Not doing too much

But still always busy

If you have a constant flow of pointless information pouring into you, you will always be busy

I'm bored

What's next

The economy is stuffed, the world is blowing itself to pieces...

So what...?

That's not your problem

So don't worry about it:)

You know, I have now spent around six months not driving

Lying on my couch

Not going out of the house for a week at times. Often.

I hadn't been to the supermarket for months

Recently, I got a ride to Countdown, for some normal life sanity

I was quite uncomfortable, people were walking fast all over the place, I was holding people up, by walking 'slowly'

EVERYONE WAS IN A HURRY!

Walking fast, rushing around, standing impatiently in a queue, pushing ahead of others, not smiling... I was shocked actually.

Not because I'm perfect or better than them

But because there was such a stark difference to the speed of life I had gotten used to!

I've been living at home, not in a rush, no transport, sweet as!

Back into the 'Rat Race', I noticed how appropriate that title was!

Just chill out

We are human beings.

We are not human doings.

In attempting to not write a blog, I have actually written one. Apologies.

I WILL post this one

Slow down

Open your eyes

Think for yourself

Look at, or even, heaven forbid, smile at a stranger! If you do well at these difficult and dangerous tasks, you may even want to try saying hello to someone you don't know! They probably won't kill you, so it could be fun

They are probably just as scared as you!

We are not kids anymore, being offered lollies by a strange looking man as we walk home from primary school

It's ok to talk to strangers now

Take some time to make someone else smile and feel valued

You have no idea what the positive consequences might be!

A better world has to start somewhere

Why not with you and me?

I would like to close with a metaphor (or whatever the proper term is!)


Many of us want to make a difference. To change our world in some small way. But we don't do anything about it. Coz we think it's too hard. Starting an avalanche is tough, but throwing that first small snowball is pretty easy. If we realise this, and just throw a few snowballs everyday, God's in the avalanche business. And He loves playing in the snow with his kids!

Mmm, feels good...

OK, life lesson time:

Just made a call to WINZ. Was the rudest call centre service that I have ever received. I got of the phone shaking and angry! If you know me, I don't get angry often!

Time to make a choice.

I decided to do MYSELF a favour and forgive her. If you don't forgive someone, it's like swallowing poison and expecting them to die. It's stupid!

(OH THERE HE GOES AGAIN, TALKING ABOUT HIS RELIGIOUS CRAP. YAWN. WELL PLEASE HANG IN THERE. I HANG IN THERE WITH ALL OF YOUR ATHEIST, NEW AGE, ALCOHOLIC... STATUS UPDATES ;) I even prayed for her real quick. Now I feel OK again. God's my Vindicator. He saw what happened! He can fight my battles for injustices, (and the way she treated me was completely unfair!) I just tell him and then carry on on being happy. Was tough to learn this habit, but man! Once you do! Talk about inner peace!

Part of the reason there are so many angry people around is that they CHOOSE not to believe in or trust God, so they try and do his job for him....Good luck! That's way too hard for me. It takes most of your enjoyment out of life, and you have to get drunk, or do drugs to try and feel happy again. I know, I used to live that way too! But I found a way better way! In the bible, God says 'taste and see that I am good!' sadly many people sit on the sideline, going on about how dumb church is and how they don't believe in God without even knowing anything about it!

Well newsflash!

Thousands of people around you go to church and believe in God, but we aren't all the best at sharing that. In fact most of us hide it a bit. We get a bit embarrassed or whatever, coz it's not 'cool' or glamourous on tv, and certainly we are portrayed as a bit weird in mainstream media. In our western culture, certainly NZ, it's ok to believe in whatever you want, because everyone is right (is that logical?) anyway! Ha! And as long as you don't talk about it publically! You can do what you want.

I certainly didn't change my old habits overnight! I'm still far from perfect! But that stuffs not what it's about anyway. You just find after a while that it's just boring! But my real friends, who just love me for who I am, are still around! Remember, going to church is fun and good for you, but really means nothing if you don't pray and trust God for what he did at the first Easter. Easter means freedom. REAL FREEDOM! Not the type of 'freedom' our culture tells us we have. That's just enslavement to our desires. Following them around, doing whatever feels good! They warn us that if you don't do what I want you to do, you will miss out, and feel bad! When we base our lives on feeling good, we will miss out. When we say 'I don't care how I feel, I just want to do what's best, all of a sudden we may feel pretty good! But even if we don't, we should tell our feelings how to feel, they aren't my boss!

You know that song 'fight the feeling?'... I don't ... Is there a song called that? Haha anyway, that's what we have to do. They will get in line and do as they're told, but they just take a little more time than we are prepared to give them. But it happens after a short time, maybe a few days, or weeks, but if you aren't prepared to be a little bit uncomfortable, you'll never get anywhere! Like training for a marathon! I'm sure I wouldn't enjoy that! But winning it?! That'd be sweet! Climbing Everest? I would hate that! But standing on the top? What a high! Wa wa wa ...

Short term pain for long term gain. Please don't just do what feels good! You're better than that! Life can be far more than you imagine if you just choose to do a few things you don't really feel like doing, but you know are the right thing to do. Hey, if it's too hard, there's this Guy who is all powerful and all knowing and omnipresent, who can help you if you want!

I've got visitors, sorry for the rushed finish! Oops!

Yay? or Neigh?

4:30am. Considering my recent sleeping patterns, this is a nice sleep in. I'm not complaining, after all it's just a side effect of the medication I am on, which is trying to kill me so that I don't die...

Just coz something feels bad, doesn't mean it's bad for you. Conversely, just because something feels good, doesn't mean it's good for you! They are unrelated. Some stuff that makes me sick, like Justin Bieber, Glee, and The Backstreet Boys is bad for you, but other stuff like chemo makes me sick, but is good for me.

Our feelings are a completely unreliable guide as to what's good and bad. Your feelings don't care about whats "right" or "best for you", etc, they can be the traitor within, caring only about themselves, and not you as a whole person.

Our feelings only care about feeling good. Not what's best for us. Don't be led astray by the lies of 'if it feels good, do it', or 'try before you buy'. These are just catchy sayings beamed out through the atheist media to a carefully and systematically dumbed down populace so that we are brainwashed into living a life with few boundaries, wielding a self-righteous battle axe that constantly whooshes "what about me, what about my rights", every time we blindly swing it, in our perpetually defensive mindsets, which are in that state because deep down, we know we are wrong, but the lies telling you to "do what you feel like, it's my right", "everyone else does it" (DO THEY REALLY?) are just too loud to ignore. Every time you listen to a thought and agree with it, it gets louder. A lifetime of the same thoughts gets pretty deeply ingrained and can take time to change.

This is made even more difficult when thousands of people like me have an antidote to this and keep it to themselves. Church is full of selfish hypocrites, that's why I go there, coz I'm one too, and I get help every week to try and not be one. The whole world is full of hypocrites too, people forget that, but it is harder to be a hypocrite when you don't actually have any real standards, that make you any different from anyone else.

That's some good writing there. Did anyone else just feel that small earthquake?

My mum would have. The world's best mum. Hi mum. Love you. Thanks, Aunty Trish for printing this out and taking it to mum so she can read it. She loves it. Or at least she pretends to, to make me feel good ;)

Here's one for ya: don't wait 'til you feel like doing something. Commit to it, then you will feel like doing it. Oprah won't tell you that one.

But really, who cares how I feel? Well, cliched as it is, because it's true, God does. I remember when I first started going to church, about ten years ago, in my early twenties, I didn't feel good at all! To qualify that, I still remember the very first time I went, because I felt this warmth, this life, light and unexplainable joy this feeling of being at home, they told me that was The Holy Spirit. Whatever that was? Ha ha! I was excited, and freaked out too! In fact, I only ever went to our smaller night service of about 100 younger people my age, for about three-four months, because I was far to scared to go to the morning service, with 5-600 people! I was actually physically sick on numerous occasions, because of the fear of the crowds. True story.

About a year or two later, I got up the front and spoke, was leading a small group and was playing drums in our band!

If I'd listened to and obeyed my feelings, who knows what a boring, empty life I would have now! I can't even imagine! As God says, "just taste and see, that I am good" but people don't do that because they don't want to lose their lifestyle, or friends, or they just love getting pissed and partying too much! Take it from me, that life feels good, I was an expert at excess, (three years at a politically correct brainwashing institution / University), but ultimately is just a bit of a band aid over a wounded heart, it will never make you truly happy or whole, but it will distract you weekend to weekend so that you never get around to living a full life. It is a life of treading water, buying time. I don't want to tread water, I want to walk on water... (metaphorically, not literally, for any stubborn, anti-Christian cynics still reading)

It's a gamble. You might lose things. You probably will lose friends and people will judge you. They are usually just jealous of your boldness, and afraid that their little world will be made a bit uncomfortable. I lost several friends. But I also kept several, and made hundreds more! Just like putting $1000 on a horse to win. Handing over the money has all sorts of mixed emotions, fear, excitement, anticipation, doubt, second guessing your decision, living in a state of what happens next... But when your horse comes in first place at odds of infinity to one, and there was actually only one real horse in the race and dozens of cardboard cutout images of horses, you will be overjoyed!

But it's your choice. I used to go to church for the first few months, hungover, or coming down off drugs, (sorry mum, it was years ago), with about two hours sleep. No one gave a crap! Probably, no one even noticed! Coz your heart is all that matters, and that's between you and God. Like I've said before, going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. But if you want to look after your car, it will always be in better condition in the long term, if you keep it in that garage.

My Dad hadn't been to church regularly for probably 40 years. His church was the hundreds of people who needed food, a bed for a while, money for bills, or for a car to get to job interviews. I don't even know half of the good he and mum did over the years, they just kept it all quiet. But sitting by his hospital bed a month or so ago, he knew where he was going, as much as anyone has any idea about it.

If there's no God in heaven, then we are just animals and would be free to just do what other animals do, eat, sex, kill, rape, fight, defacate in our beds, steal other people's stuff because I WANT TO! That whole macro evolution argument has more holes than my favourite undies. But people don't see them, because they DON'T WANT TO! and they are taught evolution as scientific fact, based on some old goats bone. Good evidence... Yeah...

That's so sad

God says "give me an honest go and see what happens". God is love. Love is a choice, and sometimes a feeling. It's your choice. He's already chosen you. Don't worry, our stupid feelings always catch up!

A Sheep Choose Green Grass

Well, hello again!

I've been trying to write this blog for a couple of days, but it just wouldn't come together. At this point I cannot help but conclude that there is a rather crude similarity to what is happening in my physical body. I have been back on chemo for a week now, double the dose I was on previously in December and January. One of the side effects can be a change in bowel movements. Or should I say, a ceasing of the aforementioned digestatory patterns. Constipation. Yummy.

Writer's block = Constipation. Get it?...

But I will keep pushing hard, it has to come out. ( but not too hard...)

Don't want to pop a screw out of my skull and let my brain ( what's left of it ) leak out!

But I jest.

So the health update is that a week ago, I had another seizure and got taken to the Emergency Department for a few hours. In a wheelchair. By my very own beautiful nurse, Catherine. Ha ha, I got her, you didn't :P God is good! They did blood tests and all that, and gave me some strong painkillers, which I have needed all week, but now the pain feels ok again! Think "morphine". Good times.

This week I have had an MRI Scan, (waiting for results), five days of chemo, three needles and blood tests (these results looked good, thank you Jesus!) I'm on the mend! I have woken up between 3-4am each day. I have been so exhausted at times that I have turned my phone off for hours at a time. When I turn it on, there's always several missed calls and messages! Mission accomplished!

I don't mean to sound depressing, because the fact is, I am far from it! I've never felt more alive! Life has an urgency now. I don't waste my time with negative people. I have a wonderful fiancé, and best mates and we have the party of the century to organize! (Our wedding) and on that topic, the guest list is at 100ish and that's just close friends and family! No cousins, only a handful of close mates and the meal and bar tab is already costing $8000! Now I understand why I haven't been invited to every wedding I expected to over the years! What a rip off! But at least the after party will be big party good times! Rant over!

But as we all know, you only live once, today's the day to make the most of it!

If we wake up again tomorrow, the same thing still holds true.

Love The One who put you here, and love the ones He put you with.

It's only us and our selfish natures which make this difficult. And it's our choice to make it that way. If you disagree, you may be living in delusion. And by definition of "delusion" you wont have any idea that you are deluded. Its a trick of the devil. Some of you will be familiar with the quote that the devil's greatest trick was convincing people that he didn't exist. Possibly, even reading this paragraph wont make sense to you because he has been working very hard to confuse us all since before we were even born! If you are worried about this, then ask God to help you right now! You don't need to go to church to talk to God! Just like standing in a garage doesn't make you a car! Because life is actually very simple. But when we throw our selfish desires into the mix and plans and pride and insecurities, (which come from trying to figure out if we are "OK" Or acceptable, instead of just believing that we are coz God says so) life gets harder.

It's not what happens to you that determines if you have a good life. It's how you choose to respond to it that will determine how good your life will be.

Stop being a sheep, make your own decisions! It stinks being in the middle of a herd of sheep! Make your own mind up to stop following the crowd, and the view is much more spectacular, and the air is far more fresh and healthy. You never know. Other people might follow you and look up to you? And if they don't, well at least YOUR life will change.

Today's the day. If you're depressed, or if you're happy, your choices will keep you feeling the same way until you grow old and die. No one else is going to fix your life. That's up to you and God. He says I have a future and a hope. I choose to believe that every morning. Simple really.

Birthday

It's my birthday! Yay!

What a year!

21 years ago, I was born! And the world has been in trouble ever since! 21 years ago, a brand new person came into the world. I don't have many memories of the day, and those that I do have are a little bit graphic, so I will keep them to myself. ( All the visual people feel a bit grossed out at this point, sorry).

With all the ups and downs I've been through lately, I have come to understand those old cliches, "one day at a time". Each day is gift, that's why we call it the present. His mercies are new each day. Weeping comes at night, but joy comes in the morning...

So, while today is officially, in the natural world, my Birthday, I genuinely believe and feel like everyday is my birthday, because each morning I wake up, I am a new person, with a whole new day ahead of me. Something I have never experienced before.

Same for you! Yay!

Today has never happened before, just like the first ever day I experienced. Just like the first day we all experienced.

We all know the cliches such as, I don't need to celebrate just one day, "every day is Fathers Day, Mothers Day, Valentines Day, Christmas Day?..." Why don't we add "every day is my Birthday!" to that list? I've never been the biggest fan of cheesy cliches, but often that's because of my small-minded, cynical NZ cultured attitude. Ah yes, cynicism, the destroyer of hope. Not evidence of intelligence. I was wrong.

But they are often cliches because they are true! They can be deeper truths that most people never quite grasp or fully understand. A lot has to do with our busy, shallow, Hollywood, selfish culture, which discourages people from anything that is "too hard" (whiney voice).

Why can't we be new people every day, celebrating that we are alive. Why can't we celebrate that our friends and family are alive, after all, it's their birthday too if they want it! Why can't we celebrate together?

For many of us, this has been the hardest year of our lives. Earthquakes, lost city, lost family, lost friends, lost jobs, serious health problems, damaged homes, lost freedoms (I just got engaged;)),and that's just my list! But we can't focus on that stuff! As our Pastor Paul Bennetts said yesterday at church, if you lose your hope for the future, it's only a matter of time before bitterness takes you over (paraphrased). I don't know about you, but I can't stand hanging out with bitter people! I don't know how they can live with themselves 24/7!

All that's in the past, and can be hard to deal with, but we do need to eventually get over it. Often, It's not as simple as that. Get counseling, go to church, talk with your friends, pray or whatever, but you need to forget what is behind and press on to the future. Self pity would say, but that's too hard, don't you understand how I feel!? My life sucks, I feel like I've lost everything, you just don't understand...

Yes. I probably understand a little bit. God understands fully. Tell Him. If you don't believe in God, well that's your choice, but I know from experience, that you will never regret just one little prayer, when no one else is around to know you did it. You could be pleasantly surprised.

After all, it's your birthday isn't it!? I don't want to sulk all day in self pity so that others feel sorry for me! What a waste of a birthday! I know I've got lots left, but they do run out. That's the shocking news here folks, life is terminal. 100% of people infected with life will die. Thankfully, there's something else to look forward to after this life. A new, completely different life that none of us really have any idea will be like! Sweeeeeeet..... But as far as life as you know on this planet with these worn out old bodies, the clock is ticking. Will you keep wasting it?

I highly recommend not to.

Life is all about perspective. When people go up the mountains to enjoy the view, they don't go up there to stare at the ground beneath their feet!

It's the same with our lives. This world and our lives can be anything we want them to be. It just takes one choice to not follow our feelings, but let our feelings follow our choices!

Right, it's such a beautiful day outside, I'd better make the most of my birthday and get out there!

Happy Birthday Everyone!

My Dad

My Dad, Leslie James Eggers

There's not enough space here, to list what a great man my dad was. I'll put a few things down just to start. He would hate that I'm telling you about him, he was far too modest and never wanted any recognition. Well, I'll give him just a bit now. I think he deserves it, and I'll deal with him when I see him next.

A couple of days before Christmas, they discovered cancer in dad's lungs. This week he passed away, with cancer in his lungs, lymph nodes, adrenal glands, liver, bones... It was so fast. It really hurts. We are very upset. This is very difficult. I miss him. But I will see him again one day. That will be a good day.

I couldn't have asked for a better dad. He was married to mum for 42 years and I never heard him complain once. What an amazing husband. What an amazing role model. Every single time I saw him, he was smiling and his famous humour was only a breath away. I never saw him get angry. Not once. Never.

I would only have to hint at needing something and he was there. Any time. Middle of the night. Even leaving his coffee half drunk. He literally dropped anything for us kids. No question, not even a change in facial expression, or even a single tone change of voice. I can remember nothing he ever did to disappoint me.

Until his last few days he was a smoker, and went on about his passion, horse racing sulkies, his job for the last four decades. Those were two things I didn't enjoy as much as he did! But the fact that he worked at home every single day of my life, meant I spent time with him, and he never worked late. We were always welcome in his workshop and greeted with enthusiasm. he was never too busy. Not once. Amazing.

He bought us up to be good, moral, hardworking, honest people, who should help others and stay away from people who were full of it and told us to do what we enjoy, even if you earn nothing from it! He did jobs for his clients and often did more than expected without telling anyone. If people couldn't afford the products, he just gave them a credit. Most of which, never got repaid. But he wasn't bothered. As long as people were being helped, he was happy.

In approximately 400 games of football that I played around the country over several years, he missed about two, due to family emergencies. For a family who went to Nelson once, and the West Coast a few times for our family holidays, with no money for hotels, or even ice-creams, I think that's amazing. Such was his absolute passion to spend as much time as possible with his boys.

He was the best example of a Christian man, while being absolutely irreligious and unreligious at the same time. He loved others unceasingly through his life, and was utterly unselfish, unmaterialistic, generous, consistent, and would give things to others without wanting anything in return. We grew up poor, with no luxuries like icecream and such, but we got the best example of what a Good Samaritan was. He was a second dad to many. He received an award for long service to Scouting NZ. That's nights and weekends away, volunteering. Coz he wanted to spend time with us boys. Then he stayed on and became the Patron, many years after Will and I had moved on. Always helping.

Sitting beside his hospital bed in his last days, every day I would go in, and he would bring up God and heaven and all that meaning of life stuff. I remember a doctor said something like this, "I hope you are prepared for the worst", to which dad replied, "the worst? I've only got good things to look forward to! Don't worry about me, I'm actually looking forward to seeing all my family and friends who are having fun up there without me!"

*Thanks dad. I've got that same simple faith as you. Loving others in such a simple and effective way and never telling anyone about it. You were the complete opposite to a religious stiff hypocrite, who is all talk and all selfish. Thanks for that example of how to live. I am trying my best*

He wasn't just a generous, giving man. When he was younger, he won top apprentice of the year for all of New Zealand. He was very, very intelligent, and never mentioned it once. He could invent and build anything with his hands. He was exceptionally creative.

He was mildly cynical. In other words, he was a good kiwi bloke! Sorry, I can't help the joking. It's dad's fault...;)

He was a great singer, actor and clown. I enjoyed him being around every single day. So did a lot of people.

If I am even half the man my dad was, I will be happy. He set the bar pretty darn high.

I'd better stop there or he will get the wooden spoon out, just like the good old days...

Kids of any age, your dad won't be around forever. Make sure you let him know how important he is, and tell him you love him. Maybe you could even thank him. You don't have to wait til Fathers Day...I'm so glad I got those last few days with him... Priceless...




NB: his funeral will be held on Monday 30th of January, 1pm, at Academy Funerals, 65 main south road, upper Riccarton, Christchurch. You are most welcome to come and celebrate my Dads life and support us. Thanks for your support so far.

Beautiful People

Hi guys!

Sorry it's been a bit of a hiatus between blogs, I've just not felt up to it. Imagine being tired, then even more tired, then having hair fall out, then even more tired, then earthquakes not letting you sleep, then recovering from a major craniotomy, being on chemo and RT, finding out dad as lung cancer and can't drive either, taking 17-18 pills per day in the right order at about the same times each day, going to hospital five days a week, having blood tests all the time, can't work, drive, or you've heard it all before. Now I have so much respect for others who have gone through the same in their lives. Especially those who have stayed positive!

Another huge thanks to all the people taking me to hospital and supporting me! We'll get there! In fact, I haven't had a day since October 30th, when this all started, where I haven't had a visitor! That's tough for a raging introvert like me ;) Good job!

I think I have far too many friends;)

Some are incredible cooks, some extremely funny, some incredibly caring, some powerful and effective prayers, some good listeners, some inspiring, some great parental, sisterly and brotherly figures, some encouraging... No one's perfect, but some of you are pretty close to it in certain areas of your life. I guess when we have such a wide circle of friends then we get all we need to live a good life! Now, with what's happening, I understand that even more!

I have long heard that beauty is on the inside. That has taken on a whole new meaning lately.

Don't isolate yourself, invest in relationships, coz when the time comes for that term deposit to mature, you will be richly rewarded. Conversely, if you keep you to yourself and don't make any investments in others (also known as selfish/ self-centered etc) then you will probably find life much harder and less enjoyable than it could have been? What do you reckon?

Anyway, I got sidetracked...

So, just to update you all... I am balding in the front left of my head, as a result of the radiation treatment, which also makes me very thirsty and tired. It's a bit like sunbathing all day and drinking no water. You feel wasted most of the time. The treatment only takes a couple of minutes, but has long term effects.

The chemo usually makes people nauseous, tired etc, but so far I am handling that pretty well. Obviously, with both treatments running concurrently, it's difficult to attribute the effects to one or the other, but in general, they are similar to each other. I shouldn't go completely bald like billiard ball, which is cool I guess, but hair is overrated and our attachment to it can highlight possible vanity in our lives. For guys anyway!

I am still the same person, but I now have a different haircut, have worse short term memory, am "fatigued" (that's the medical term) and have less of a "filter" of what is socially acceptable to say. So I'm more blunt! So now I will occasionally tell you what I think, instead of what I'm supposed to say to be socially normal. Sorry about that. Get over it haha!

You still love me, right? :)

I hope so ;)

And if you don't, well I actually don't care!

Oh yeah, and I get sidetracked easily too. What was I talking about?

Good joke...

But it's true.

Oh yeah, I had a great time at Amelia and Jay's wedding last night. So did everyone else by the looks of it. Well done, all the best for your future together!

Back to me, coz it's MY blog! Get out of it!

So I've done four weeks out of six in my first stage of chemo and RT. Not feeling sick. Praise the Lord! Looking forward to a nice quiet day at home, partially in bed! Yippee!

Plan for the rest of today: will have a PowerNap! Wake up, will heat up some lasagna, watch a DVD, take some pills, fall asleep, wake up, take some more pills, someone will surprise me by knocking on the door, I will enjoy hanging out with them, they will go home, I will take more pills, drink another litre of water, heat up some homemade pies, watch tv, all while snoozing and repeatedly throwing my kitten off my face. Tomorrow I will wake up and do it all again.

Have just seen that there was a hot air balloon crash near Wellington. Puts things in perspective doesn't it?

Talk soon:)