Concrete Pills

Hello there...

Just got back from my third treatment at the hospital. So I've had three chemotherapy sessions and three radiotherapy (RT) sessions now. I'm not radioactive though and I never will be. Just in case you are wearing your lead undies when you hang out with me.

I don't feel any different yet. Actually, I probably feel better if anything, because I am finally doing something, instead of just waiting around and sleeping. I hope it lasts. I think it will, but I really have no idea! This is the first time I've had this happen, I'm no expert at all of this! My doctors were very encouraging, saying I could handle this well, seeing that I am relatively fit and healthy. It's been a long time since someone said something like that to me. I loved it!

Mr Fit N Healthy.

So three down, 27 to go! Thats 10% done! Bring on January 20th! Oh yeah, then a month break, and on my birthday (thanks for the gift) I start six more months of stepped up chemo... OK then, bring on August 20th! Not long to go!


Also, as an aside, if you are finding this whole thing weird and don't know what to say to me or maybe you are uncomfortable and don't know how to talk to me or anything like that, just don't worry! I am still the same person and I love joking around, so maybe you could spend some time thinking up a good tumour or cancer joke and break the ice that way. I am a bit tireder than normal, and want to be alone often so I don't get annoyed with people, but when I'm at church or other social gatherings, like dominating on the backyard cricket front, just be the same and chat about it. I need to talk about it to process and try to figure all this out as well. I can't do that if you won't talk to me! But it's not really a big deal! Just bringing it up in case :)

The fact is, most people whinge about headaches, sore throats, coughs, tiredness, exams, relationships, being poor, being hungry, having an old cellphone, not winning on a computer game, poor refereeing, slow drivers, cold French fries, bird poo on my nice expensive car, rain, heat, cold,

...everything!

I'd like to say "get over it!"

Or possibly, "get over yourself!"

"how dare they drive so slowly in front of me! Do they not know who I am? I'm the centre of the universe! My wants, needs and desires are above all else! I'm gonna overtake them and give them the evils... Oh... It's my Pastor..."

"Hi!" *forced smile and fake wave accompanied by guilt*

I think, if I can handle cancer and other people can handle things far, far worse than that, like when Jesus was tortured and nailed to a cross, then prayed for those who were doing it! we can all probably handle things with a better attitude without getting all snotty and whinging. I'm just saying. To myself as well! Maybe there's something in your life that you could decide to get over?

The End

Oh and by the way, the doctors told me I could be a bit more random now, what with half of my brain being somewhere overseas now. Good luck following my random rants...

That was supposed to be just a quick sidetrack...

I guess what I'm trying say is, I have started. I am a chemo and RT patient. But I still feel normal. Just tired, which can occasionally make me a bit slow. I still haven't had a headache for literally months, or possibly years, it's been a very long time anyway. There's no nausea. Possibly because I have had several anti-nausea tablets today with my chemo, or maybe because I've had thousands of prayers! I reckon a combo of both is a good bet ;)

Thanks for the support, and thanks for reading these blogs, it is actually very encouraging for me to know that hundreds of people care enough to spend time reading my updates! It makes me feel quite good, if I'm gonna be honest!

TTYL (that's me mocking text speak)... LOL

Today...

Today is the day.

I had surgery four and a half weeks ago. Today I go to hospital to start my radiation therapy and my chemotherapy, as well as two more meetings this morning. All going well, I should be home before five this afternoon. Cancer treatment seems like a full-time job!

Thanks for your prayers and meals and other help. I have enough meals for this week. You know who you are :)

So the info from the oncology staff (which is basically the cancer department) is that the first few days should be ok, but then I will start losing my hair and getting extra tired. I will have nausea, irritability, permanent sunburn, possible infertility, weight change, and other positive side effects! But at least I'm alive right?

My good friend Andy Marshall isn't. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. But he was murdered in Perth, Western Australia, in May this year by someone associated with a bikie gang (allegedly). So I have a pretty bad problem, but I am still here to enjoy my life as best as I can, so you won't hear me complaining! I'm just grateful to still be alive, even though it's going to be tough for a few months. At least I have that time, which so many people haven't!

So I miss Andy. Nowhere near as much as his family, who it was great to see yesterday, but I will notice him not being around this summer as we have a few days of BBQs, backyard cricket and goofing around. It's so unfair, especially for such a great family. But thats life, we just have to get over it, if and when we can, with the help of our friends and family.

See you again, Andy. Not for a while though ;) I still have work to do!

50 years should be enough please. Thank you.

Yeah... Having said all of that, and as positive as I am determined to be, this whole situation absolutely sucks! I hate it. I want a nice family and kids and house and long enjoyable life that 'everyone else' seems to have. I am still hoping for that. I am still believing for that. But physically, my present reality is that I may only have a couple of years, maybe five or so, to live. I'm unhappy about that. Considering a year of it will be in hospital, while my friends keep having kids, great careers, planning their nice long lives together...

But as I was thinking yesterday, I would rather have five inspiring, legacy leaving years than 50 years where I am just another sheep following the crowd. I would rather be awake and live than asleep and live. That's what all of this has done. I am now awake. It was a wake up call. Stop mucking around being a good person, pleasing people so everyone likes you. That half assed life is a waste of time and will just be pretty much useless in the big scheme of things. Sort it out and get off your white picket fence! Sitting on it is a pain in the $@&!

Ooh, he said "assed"...

Get over it you religious hypocrite

*careful James, you are preaching!*

Oops

But it's still true.

Good point.

I'm a hypocrite too. Not all the time though ;)

Yes.

Internal dialogue finished.

So let's have a shower, and go take some poison and radiation to save my life for a few more years. I'll be back here soon to let you know how it all goes. Short term pain for long term gain. Please pray for strength, it's working so far! I will need more for the next few months.

Thanks family.

Appointlessments.

All right then, I'll write another blog... It's been a few days hasn't it.

Went to the hospital this afternoon, to start my treatments. To cut a long story short, they weren't organised. So they said sorry. We will try to start your radiotherapy and chemo next Monday instead. It's a bit frustrating, considering I was supposed to start last Monday, and things just keep getting delayed because the various departments haven't communicated and coordinated with each other. I've organised drivers and attended two pointless appointments at hospital in the last few days. In addition to this, they have also changed all of my treatment times twice.

I call them "appointlessments".

Also, today one of my radiotherapists said that I may not need chemotherapy after all! I've learnt by now just to wait and see thanks. Life doesn't have to be a roller coaster. Just focus on the hope you have for your future and do what you have to to get there. You don't have to go up and down with every little bit of news that you are given. I acknowledge it, I don't live in denial, but I don't let my moods and emotions follow what other people tell me. That's like being lost at sea and blown around by the wind and waves. Anchor your soul with hope. You don't have to drown in an ocean of negative emotions.

Ooh, I like that...

But, all of this disorganization is understandable, considering Tony Ryall is the minister of health, the man in charge at the top. Bless his heart...

But I jest. Forgive me ;)

In actual fact, the staff at the hospital couldn't be more pleasant to deal with, I have had nothing but great service, which has exceeded my expectations and made things far easier than I would've expected. You should try it out some time. Maybe fake some serious health problems and enjoy the ride. Especially the jelly and icecream. It needs to be seen to be believed.

Also, my friends and family have brought a tear to my eye by how much care they have shown me. If I haven't thanked you or returned your texts and calls, sorry, consider this your thanks. I have had so many offers of help, it has almost overwhelmed me! I guess if I was to say one thing, it would be that I need your help for a few months yet. I will be at hospital every day. I will prob lose my hair and be sick. My sickness benefit starts this week and it's only about the same as my mortgage payments each week, so it's gonna be tough to get by. Not just this week! But much of next year as well.

So, please don't forget me, but on the other side, one or two meals a month, or rides, or visits etc and I will be a busy boy! Also, I am pretty exhausted after around 8pm, so I'm sorry if I come for dinner and then zone out on the couch! Maybe earlier dinners would work best...?

Just some helpful hints that I have learnt in the last few weeks. Lol

Yeah, you all know that life sucks some times, I'm not the only one to have had serious health problems, but no matter how bad things get, there are always so many more things to be thankful for and to enjoy. Im tired, but I don't have to cook tonight! I have to go to hospital again tomorrow, but I get to see my best mate! Etc

Life's not about comfort, that a lie. It's about loving God and loving other people, and that's not always comfortable! But I'm so glad that people love me, and that God loves me. I can't imagine going through this without them.

It's all worth it in the end

Wait Issues

Hello...

Last Friday, I went in for another MRI. This was a post operative scan to see how the surgery went, and from those results, the medical staff could plan my future treatment. Originally, I was scheduled to come in on Monday the 5th of december, to have my first session of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but after the results of the MRI, they put this back until thursday the 8th of december. Although I am getting a bit sick of waiting around at home, I am still happy with this news. This tells me that the six weeks, then six months of follow up treatment, although important, is not urgent. In other words, if I had some stuff still left in my head that urgently needed to start coming out, then they would've got me in there to get started. So the delay is actually good news, even though it drags things out for a few more days. Thursday 8th of December at 2pm is now the first session. Then 1:50pm on Friday. Looking forward to it...

In case you're wondering, each time I go in for a treatment session, I get a free car parking voucher to put on the car's dashboard. So we don't have to pay for parking! Good! basically, it will work like this: you drive around to the Oncology Department, drop me off, I go in, I get the voucher, I come out (to the car...), give you the voucher, then you go find a car park while I go in and wait. Then you come in and wait, or do whatever you want for a few minutes, like go get yourself a coffee, or some personal grooming, or do some donuts in the car park etc... Or you could come in and wait in the waiting room. We'll see what works best?

Then... Every weekday for six weeks, I have to go in for treatment. Usually this will take no more than one hour at a time, then I can go home and relax again. This will go all the way through Christmas holidays until late January. Ive had a few very generous offers of assistance, so thanks to those people, (you know who you are!) I owe you big time! They have given me the times for the following week as well, but as these could possibly change, I will just keep these to myself for now. Maybe next week I will broadcast them into Blogland for my knights in shining armour to come and rescue me. Thank you in advance to all those who can help.

Following this initial six week intensive schedule, I have six months of chemotherapy. This involves taking pills every day for a week, then having three weeks off to feel sick etc. Just as I start to feel better, I have to take the pills again for another week. And so on. For six months. Yay... That will be fun... I don't know too much about this stage of things, so I'll just leave it at that. Also, I am taking four pills each night to stop me having another seizure. Working so far ;)

Oh yeah. No driving for 12 months. Time I sorted out my bike! If I'm allowed to that is!

So, lots of waiting. No going out. Lots of time sitting on the couch. Getting SkyTV installed tomorrow. Can't afford it. Will just have to make some cutbacks somewhere, but as I am no longer doing a physical job, hopefully I can adjust my diet to eat less and spend less on food. Don't want any wait issues. I've got a marathon to run ;) A very good friend has shouted me a Fatso DVD subscription, which I have already ordered about 30 movies from! My cousin dropped off dozens of movies yesterday as well. Id better stop there, coz i'll forget someone! I love the advice I am getting from those who have been here before, so thanks for that, I really appreciate your help, even if I have lost a bit of my short term memory at the moment and forgotten to thank you each individually! God won't forget, even if I seem to for a while. I am honestly touched by your acts of love and kindness. I'll pay you back... Honest... :p

Waiting has thrown up all kinds of issues. (maybe not the best weigh of putting it). (yes my spelling mistakes are intentional). ( more bracketed comments)

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, sunbathing. Please pray for sunshine so I can lie around outside on my deck and get rid of my nasty ankle tan lines. I have been working on these for about five years, so I don't expect fast results, but considering I have a few months of resting at home, I intend to pursue them until the bitter end. White feet are not cool, and now is the hour for their demise. They have had their time in the sun (or not) and that has come to an end. If you wish to say goodbye to my white feet, send me a text and you can come and visit them. They won't be here forever, so don't take them for granted.

Ooh, I think I see some blue skies starting to break through.

I have work to do!

Yippee!

Hello again,

What an interesting last four weeks eh! Today marks the four week anniversary of when it all began. Hard to believe it's only been four weeks. Feels like so much longer...four weeks ago, I knew nothing. Now I stand on the verge of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, daily sickness and tiredness.

As previously stated in earlier blogs, I'm not exactly happy that this has happened to me! But there's no point in sulking about it and wallowing in my bad news. More to the point, two good friends are getting married tomorrow, which is very exciting, and I don't want to draw any attention away from their special day. That would be very selfish and arrogant and I want no part of anything like that!

Furthermore, if you have the temptation to feel sorry for me and become a martyr, then I would rather that you stay away from me. That may sound harsh, but believe me, the last thing I want to do is spend all of my energy trying to cheer up everyone else! I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't expect you to either :)

My life is not over. I'm here for a while yet. Maybe even longer than you! So let's just enjoy our lives together and get over your need to be needed. Don't get me wrong, I need practical help with meals and DVDs and stuff like that, but I would rather you come over and just have fun. If I'm feeling a bit down, just ride it out. It won't last too long!

Consider this your warning ;)

Yeah, the bible tells me that it's good to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. In other words, if I'm fine, don't drag me down, just be fine too, please... If that's too hard for you, then you don't have to come over! And if I'm feeling a bit stink, then don't make it worse by ignoring that and telling me to get over it! If that's your attitude, then you can go find some other friends thanks...

Ooh, I like telling people off hehe...

Tomorrow, at the wedding, it is going to be a day of celebration! I am looking forward to enjoying the day with all of my friends. I don't mind if you ask me how I am, don't feel uncomfortable, it's nothing to feel weird about. I am more than happy to talk to you about it, but as long as you remember that tomorrow is all about the two people getting married and you rejoice with them. Because I am getting my haircut and dressing up in my suit and I'm gonna have a great day celebrating with my friends! Lets have a great time together and rejoice with our friends. They are awesome and this is their big day! I hope they love every second!

I have a couple more weddings in the New Year that I plan on going to and having a great time at as well! They will be fun too! I may be bald by then, but I will still do my best to enjoy myself! Bald people are people too. Don't judge me... Lol

So, for those who I will see tomorrow, let's have a great day celebrating together. And for those who I won't see, why don't you do something that you enjoy? Get your bike out and pump up the tyres, and disappear into the forest, or do some baking with the music cranking, or mow the lawns in your shorts, or have a BBQ and get your friends over... The list is endless!!!

See you tomorrow, or Sunday, or just whenever :)

Live your life!

Will You Open Your Gift?

Well, I had another meeting at hospital yesterday. It was at 12PM. It took just under an hour. It was with my doctor. Not my surgeon. That was the day before. The doctor said mostly similar things, but was a bit more precise with the prognosis. Where my surgeon, who did the operation, told me I have between 2-10 years, my doctor told me that I probably have about 3 years left before the tumour returns and takes my life.

Not good news. But you know what? I don't care what the doctor says. Sure, I respect their opinion etc, but I have faith that I can keep on living for many more years! Yep, I could be completely wrong. But you know what... If I decide that I have three years, then I will end up waiting around to die. I will end up focussing on how long I have left and it may very well become a self fulfilling prophecy.

What's the point of that!

I could very well out live many of you reading this, the only difference is that I have some warning about when it may happen. You may just have a heart attack or choke on your wife's brownies, and then it's all over!

In a week or so, I start my chemotherapy and radiotherapy, where my hair will start to fall out and I will want to sleep for a couple of months, but that's all part if the adventure isn't it? I have a chance to write my 'bucket list' and live the last years of my life to the fullest! Time to make a difference. Time to leave a legacy. Time to change people's lives.

I'm sure that this may be quite hard for you to get your head around, trust me, I know! Try getting your head around something that is literally inside your head! It's raining at the moment. Will this be the last time I see rain? Should I go outside and sit in it? How do I handle this? Maybe I have 30 years left? Who knows! I have been told I have about three. What does that mean? Do I? How do I spend the time I have left? I take my kiwisaver out and make some memorable plans! That's one decision I have made!

Why me?

Why NOT?

This is such a valuable opportunity that I am grateful to have been given. Sure, I would gladly swap for someone else and live for another 50 years! And that could very well happen! But there's also a chance that it won't happen. I have to be real about it as well as live by faith. I'm not stupid. But I also realize that God is the only one who really knows what is going to happen! I can focus on what I want to happen, I can pray about it and set goals and so on, but ultimately, it's all up to him. I have decided to just accept his plan, and make the most of this warning I have been given!

My attitude is "let's just do it!"

What's yours? You don't have forever you know. Maybe you could decide to stop living like you do? Make the most of today. Every day you wake up and get out of bed is a gift. The Present.

Will you open your gift?

A Blog of Two Halves

Hello family...

I just checked this morning, and I now have over 2000 pageviews on my blog. Congratulations. Thank you.

Went to bed in fine, warm conditions, and woke up to some decent rain. That's a nice change. Ah, so, how about that weather eh? Yaaaaawwwwnnnnn.."

So, more importantly, I have an appointment at the hospital at 10AM, with my surgeon. MY SURGEON. Yeah, I have my own brain surgeon, because I am a person of such high significance these days. Miss Jackson is her name. We go way back. Weeks at least. Ah the memories. Such good times we have shared together. I spent two minutes with her, while she has spent an entire day with me, cutting my head open while I was asleep, but still, it was quality time together that I will never forget. Or maybe I will? I can't remember actually. My bad. Where am I?

So, I am getting a lift to hospital in an hour or so, and don't really have any idea about what to expect. Could be good news, could be bad news.

I will go have a shower now, and get prepared. Of course, I am prepared in my head and my heart, regardless, I will not get discouraged or let my head go down... Ahem... Nothing will knock my confidence, coz God will always be God and will always be in control. He's THE MAN!!!

I'll be back soon..............................................................................
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So. That was interesting. In a bad way. Bad interesting. This is difficult. Got my pathology results back from the lab in Sydney, and they were basically, bad news. I mean, they could've been much worse, but to get straight to the point, the best case scenario is that I have 7-10 years left before the tumour comes back and my life is ended. The worse case is that I have only two years left. But I refuse to even think about that! I have a couple of months of radiotherapy and chemotherapy every week day, then about six more months of chemotherapy. After all of that is done, there's no promises about how much longer I have. But at least I have something to do for the next year!

It will probably make me sick and weak and who knows what else, but at least I know where I'm going when this all works itself out!

Do you know where you're going? Coz it's not too late to decide. I had no warning, and you probably won't either, so now is a great time to choose! There's no better time to decide. Don't be a fool! It's all up to you...

Let me know what you think :)

Weak is Actually Strong

Hi there...

So, it's been pretty much a week since I woke up from my brain surgery, in recovery, not really with it, but glad it was all over! I remember the night quite clearly, because I had four I.V. Lines in my hands and feet, and the nurses were measuring my vital signs every two hours! I struggled to get any sleep, because I had been asleep for almost twenty hours with a couple of hours awake in between. I was still hooked up to a loudly beeping heart machine and had an automatic leg massaging machine constantly and repeatedly massaging my legs. And it just didn't stop. It went on and on. For hours. And all of the next day... I was beginning to wake up and realize where I was. I was still full of anesthetic and I knew that it was a slow road ahead. The food was reliable, if not spectacular, and it's clockwork appearance was a highlight of my days on that prison bed... I couldn't open my jaw to eat my icecream because the surgeons had butchered my muscles on the side on my head! I forgive them. Might stop me eating so much!

Friday night bought fish n chips! I can't tell you how exciting that was. I could have eaten five more meals!

But I didn't. Rightly so. Good decision...

So a couple of days later, the doctor came around and told me that I could go home on Saturday! What the!? I thought I had to spend a week in hospital recovering, yet two days later the all clear was given for me to go home! No one could believe it, but I wasn't really too surprised. I had faith. I was certain of what I had hoped for. I knew I was fine so just expected to go home... It wasn't a big deal...

So on Saturday, I left hospital and spent the weekend at Catherine's flat, then progressed back to my own house after a couple of nights. My face at this stage was completely swollen and I couldn't see out of my own eyes! Gladly, this only lasted for three days and then I was back to normal! Normal looking anyway...

I still have dozens of staples in my head, from one sideburn across to the other, over the top of my head. I can't count them all... Will take a while to take them all out, hopefully that could be tomorrow, but not sure yet. Tomorrow, I go back in to hospital to set up my radiotherapy. I need to have a minimum of six weeks, every day at hospital of radiation being beamed into my brain to kill off any remnants of the tumour that has possibly been missed. I can't drive there myself. I need a ride there every day! There's a lot to organise...

Lucky I'm not allowed to work for a few months...

The doctor says six. We'll see about that...

So, thank you again. I have people bringing me meals. Driving me around. Visiting me. Praying for me. Writing encouraging messages. Making phone calls to me. Doing my housework. Giving me hugs. Sending me cards and emails. I am receiving more offers for assistance than I know what to do with! Please keep it up, I appreciate it, and I really do need it! It is actually pretty tough being stuck at home with no freedom and income and still the same expenses disappearing on a regular basis...

From now 'til New Years, I will be sitting here at home, every single day, until I can get enough energy to get back into the real world again!

Maybe I could write a book?

New Life

Hello.

I am still alive!

I get a second chance at my life now. Two weeks ago, the doctor came in to my hospital room and said, "you need urgent brain surgery". Ten days later, they had removed a significant tumour from my brain. Today, I am almost ready to go again! In fact, if I I had my sunnies, I would consider going out for dinner in an hour or two. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but it just shows how quickly I feel I have recovered.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of those who have shown care and prayed for me over these last couple of weeks. I have no doubt whatsoever that I would not be in such a great condition if you hadn't said your two cents worth! I know that some have given two thousand dollars worth, and some two cents worth, but that doesn't matter one single bit to me! Maybe it was the one short prayer from the innocent three year old that made all the difference? God doesn't care about quantity like we do! We make a big deal about our impressive shows of ability and wealth, and He couldn't care less about those things!

I even went outside today and did a bit of weeding.

My attitude would have impressed Him, probably not my weeding skills though, to be honest!

But that doesn't matter. Coz He loves me more than I could ever understand.

And He loves you more than you could ever understand. There's no need to impress Him anymore!

He's already incredibly impressed. Even more than that. Even more than that again...

And so on...


Time to rest, now that I finally understand that.

What's on my mind?

Where do I begin?

About a week ago, this normally healthy young man woke up not feeling too good. When I say normally healthy, I mean, I haven't had a sick day in about five years, haven't even had a headache in a similar length of time. I was one of those annoying people who was always in good condition. I even annoyed myself.

But last Friday, I woke up in a bit of a daze, not in a clear state of mind. Of course, with my track record, I just put it down to a bad sleep, but my boss could tell during the course of our early morning phone call, that I didn't know where I was, or where I had been the day before, or anything! He told me to take the day off, so I went back to bed and woke up mid-afternoon.

A couple of hours later, I ordered pizza and was completely taken by surprise when they turned up half an hour later, as I had no memory of ever even ordering the pizza! So I put it in the fridge and didn't eat it! I can't remember much of that evening, so the next morning I went to the doctor. By this stage, I was almost unable to walk. The doctor recognized some signs from my blood tests and sent me straight to hospital. I had acute renal failure and through my CT scan they had discovered a decent tumour in my brain.

For the next eight days I lay in a hospital bed hooked up to a drip, giving blood and having MRI scans which showed the extent of my brain tumour. This Tuesday night I go back into hospital for a three hour operation to remove part of my skull and part of my brain. The recovery will most likely be long and slow, considering I am not allowed to drive for 12 months either. My life has literally changed overnight with zero warning signs. And it's only just begun. There's a chance of chemotherapy. Of losing memories, and abilities... Etc... But I refuse to dwell on those things. What's the point!

I instead choose to think about other things. For instance, the tumour is at the front of my brain and the access is easy for the doctors. They found it before it was too late. They are incredible at their job. God does miracles. God is our healer. I have thousands of people from all over the planet praying for me. I have had over 50 different people visit me in hospital this week, some of those every day! This is an opportunity and a wake up call to make the most of my life and inspire others. Our society has benefits and insurance to support me while I am unable to work. And I was wise enough to set those up when I bought my house! I have incredible friends and family who are all drawing closer to each other through this time. I am still alive, each day really is a gift and I am far more aware of that now. There's so much good coming out of this, and so much more to come! Look out world!

I have never had an operation, so this will be my first time under general anesthetic. It is a big unknown for me. I wouldn't say that I am afraid. I am more afraid of the needles still, even though I've had about twenty this week! I'm more uncertain, I just have no idea what to expect. Also, I know scores of people are praying for me to have peace, and it's working! Thanks!

So I thought I'd write a blog now so that, just in case I lose my mind, there will be some record of why it happened. Thank you to all those who are supporting me, especially Cat Thompson, and the Crocker family, and my family, friends and church.

This should be an interesting ride.

White Picket Fence

I've been thinking about a few things lately. One of those things is a quote that I got from renowned teacher on leadership, John Maxwell. The quote I remember is "to make a difference, you have to be different!" no one wants to be a "same maker".

This has helped me a lot. Often we get inspired to Make a difference, or lead others, but the thought enters our mind, "yeah but people just don't do that... Or that's not how we are supposed to do things.. Or I don't fit that mould, I'm not like the other leaders around here...

Well, in centuries past, everyone had slaves. William Wilberforce said NO! America always had white, middle aged president. Obama said No. Etc etc etc

That's great for big scale world events, but what about our own lives? My friends always get married, settle down, sit at the back and disappear. I am thinking, NO! Just because all of my friends do one thing, doesn't mean I have to do it. The only way to make a difference is to stand up for your convictions when others don't seem to show theirs.

I'm not judging them. Whoever They may be. But I am saying that some people follow the crowd, and others just can't do that! As much as they want to fit in and have friends and be normal and not stand out and be comfortable and life etc, some people are made in such a way that they can't do that! They would rather be strange, odd, out of the ordinary, misunderstood, etc because what they have in their heart is far more important to them than fitting in and doing what is expected to be done.

I think it's Important to say at this point, that we are all leaders in some way, or in some sphere of our lives, and to varying degrees. No one is better or worse than anyone else. We are just DIFFERENT.

Having said that, I just want to encourage people to stand up for their own convictions and not bow to peer pressure. If you feel really passionate about something and basically "know" its right, then go for it. Don't be obnoxious. Be wise and compassionate and slow to speak. Respect and honor your leaders, even when you don't agree with them! But still do it! Love always thinks of others ahead of yourself, and that love is what life is about isn't it?

Ive lost my train of thought! Toot toot

But I I'll say this. It's time to step up and live your life. We in the West especially, are Spiritually very apathetic and basically asleep. We just keep working and buying Stuff. It's time to wake up, or you will risk dying on the inside, long before you leave this planet. I don't want to die with two kids, a wife and a nice white picket fenced house. Yawn. That would be like going to Disneyland and sitting in the cafe. What a danger filled, exciting, risk taking life i would have missed out on. Come on. Don't let what other people think about you, stop you from having an incredible life.

Be different. Risk losing everything. Step out of the boat and try walking on the water... Don't worry! Someone will save you if you start to sink! And even if they judge you for being different, judgmental people are ultimately so focussed on themselves that they will quickly forget about you in the midst of their own ocean of self concerns, so are not worth worrying about!

See you out there!

Sprinkler

I had a bit of a prophetic word on the weekend. Christians would probably know what that means. For the rest of you, I will quickly try to explain what that means!in completely unreligious language! It's a bit like getting a picture, or a phrase, or a sense of something a bit deeper, in your mind, or heart or somewhere! that is often God trying to speak to you, or someone else around you. It's not kooky new age crystal ball rubbish, but it is an attempt by someone or something bigger than us, which we don't really understand, which Christians and many other people, would call "God", trying to tell us something, which will help us in our life. Anyone can get them, and some people get more than others. You just have to be open to listening to them. Usually, when I remember, I just say something like, "God, if there's anything you want to show me, or tell me, or maybe use me to tell someone else something, can you tell me? I don't fully understand everything, but I will try to do my best, and leave all the rest up to you!" (that's called praying, by the way ;))

This picture came into my head while I was playing drums at a church meeting on Friday night, and I did't get the chance to share it, coz I was obviously busy!

So I usually get pictures of random things, that don't seem make any sense. Some people get words, some people get feelings etc, we are all different... This was of a small, round, common garden sprinkler. It was connected to a hose, and sitting out on a sparsely covered back lawn. There was no water coming out of it, and the grass around it was dead or dying. Then suddenly, it turned on and started firing water out in a circular radius around it and instantly, the grass grew up thick and green!

The thought that accompanied this picture was, "see what happens when you are plugged in to me and you let me use you how I have designed you to be used. Everyone around you grows if you just be yourself and let my living water flow through you. It's not for your benefit, it's for the benefit of everyone around you that you let me use you how I want to. People around you will miss their destiny and not fulfill their potential because you are not setting them free! What are you afraid of?"

I love getting stuff like this! It has nothing to do with me, any more than someone buying you a present has to do with you. The only thing that you had to do was to be given it and then use it, or whatever...

So I believe I was given this, and it's no big deal, because if we read believe in God, all of us should be getting stuff like this fairly regularly I would say... It's not weird. It's completely normal. Just don't be a spiritual,religious fruitcake! Thats stupid and embarrassing for everyone involved. Just be real!

So hopefully this word is for you, or for someone you know, and I hope it makes a difference too!

If you ever get prophetic words, I'd love to hear them! It can be really encouraging.

Also, come along to La Vida this weekend, for a couple of days learning about and experiencing more of this kind of stuff, with David and Greta Peters. Message me if you're keen, coz registering ASAP is important.

Good bye

iChange

I bought an iPad. It is really cool! My old laptop has been pretty temperamental for a while now, so I thought it was time to upgrade. This was a big step for me, coz I have always been slow to take up new technologies. I resisted buying a cellphone when they were first becoming popular... then kept the same phone for several years, while others were upgrading at the slightest whiff of a new model. I remained staunch and mildly cynical. Well, we got by just fine for quite a few years with just an old landline at home, who needs a cellphone!

So my new iPad isn't just an iPad, it represents more than that. I have stepped out from behind my cynical spectacles and have decided to embrace a bit of technology instead of holding stubbornly to my old ways. It represents a change in my attitude, from being stubborn about change, to just giving it a go coz it might just improve my life somehow.

There's always a balance... some people are like Steve Job's lap dogs... dribbling all over his pants whenever he persuades you that his latest product is the saviour of the universe, while others, like I used to be, would see everything new, even sliced bread and colour tv as self-indulgent and unnecessary spawns of evil.

Hang on... my latest talking cat iPad app has downloaded. I really need that. Great!

Meeow to you too, my pixellated friend.

So time will tell how useful new technology really is, or if it is just cluttering up my attention so that I miss the point of why i'm even on this planet. But one thing I know is that 'new' doesn't mean 'bad'. I need to let that small-minded attitude go. Conversely, 'new' doesn't necessarily mean 'better'... I need to guard myself from becoming too materialistic... 'New'just means 'new'!

Meeeow

Ok, here I come, stop bugging me.

Homo Ner

A year ago, I bought my first home. It was an exciting time and I am extremely proud of myself, that I saved hard for a few years and managed to do it all by myself, without any help. Apart from God, and the experts, who hooked me up and made it really easy. If you know me, then you know how important it is that I did it all by myself. Something to do with my personality type and all that independant stuff...

Anyway, I thought I would reflect on owning a home for a year. It certainly has been interesting, with the earthquake damage, leaky roof and cracked gib, doors and window etc... But it's all fixable, and I didn't get any liquefaction, so I got off lightly. I'm on the "Urgent List" for roof repairs, so in 15 years time when EQC get back to me, all will be good.

The thing I have probably enjoyed the most is being able to do home improvements. Jim the Tool Man. No, not Jim the Tool. Before I bought a house, I was insanely jealous and had so much built up frustration coz I knew I wanted to do lots of home handyman stuff, but I couldn't! Well 12 months ago, the home handyman beast was unleashed on this poor, unsuspecting one bedroom mansion.

On the day of possession, I ripped out the carpet and underfloor heating unit with Dad, Will and Carl. The next morning, the new carpet was installed. That afternoon, I was installed. The house still smells of fresh paint at this point. I put new thermal lined curtains in. I painted some stuff. I tried, and semi failed at sticking down some new flooring in the kitchen. Will fix that one day ;). I got under the house and installed batts, and plastic sheets for a moisture barrier. I removed lots of rubbish from under there too. I built a deck last spring, including a mommoth working bee over the entire Labour Weekend. Ironic. Had some help with that thanks Carl. I planted 2 hedges. I modified and painted the awning over the back door. I positioned two home made planter boxes, filled with potting mix and planted two large trees. I shifted a timber fence and hung two six foot gates. I built a new fence. I layed pavers, and stone chip for my neighbours walkway to her door. I put concrete in some potholes in the driveway. I turned off the water to the surrounding 5 units and put a pipe under my house with a new tap on the back of the building. Then I turned the water back on and it hasn't leaked to this day! I installed a small irrigation system in the back yard. I put in another downpipe on the back of the house. I put batts up in the ceiling. I installed a hotwater cylinder wrap and lagged the pipes. I think that's it! Plus I moved in and made the home all homely.

I have plans to convert the loft into another bedroom / storage... that's exciting.

Plus I managed to fit a job and social life somewhere in the middle of that! Well, a semi-social life...

So, what does that all mean? Well, it shows me that there are seasons in life. There was a season to work hard and save a deposit... even though I was busting to be home handyman! I couldn't, because it wasn't the right time to do it. But now it is! YEHAAAA

You might have a burning desire for something in your life, but you have to do the ground work. You have to do your time and get prepared. But be encouraged, because when your time comes, you will unleash fury! Be patient. It will happen at the right time. And when it does, you won't be able to control yourself and you will be a tornado of good times!

p.s. I only need 12 more pageviews to reach 1000 views on this blog! Will you be the lucky shopper?

I Want Your Junk / (Can you please help?)

Later in the year, I am going to central asia for two weeks to visit the local people and some friends. I have to be deliberately vague in my description and details of this trip, because of the political situation in this country, so please forgive me. Six of us are going together for this trip and it will cost around $3600 each, for flights and accommodation, etc. This will be a huge adventure, but also very demanding.

The purpose of this blog is to ask you for help. We need to raise this money as soon as possible, so we will be doing a few different fundraising events to do this. I would love you to support our movie night and dinner. Also, I will be collecting scrap metal to help pay for this. Recently, I helped clean out a garage with some friends and got a whole trailer load of old washing machines, microwaves, lawnmowers, shelving etc, that was junk to them, but cash to me. I collect loads of this stuff, take all the metal out, get rid of the rest, and raise funds for my trip!

I want to clean out your garage!!

Go on... you know you want to...

I would love to violate your garage's personal space, but if you are not ok with that, then feel free to make a donation, of goods or money, to make this trip possible. I have a trailer, and can arrange a time to get intimate with your junk. If you know me, then facebook or text, and we'll make it happen:)

Thank you

Are You Afraid of the 'Enter' Button?

I had a very strange dream last night. It wasn't really a dream like you would normally expect. Dreams are usually like real life experiences aren't they, but in a different, sort of warped way? This was really short. About this short: "Hi, how are you?" And then it finished.

I wouldn't normally tell the world about my dreams. I mean, who really cares, right? But this one made me think about other things.

So basically, it went like this: My finger was about to hit the 'Enter' button on my computer, when it hesitated, and I heard a voice say "You're afraid of the 'Enter' button, aren't you?"

So I thought, why am I afraid?

Because I can't trust the outcome. Sometimes I hit Enter on my computer, especially using the internet, and it freezes, or takes ages to load a page. Occasionally, I pop home to check my emails, but it takes too long to load, so I have to go out again without having read the info I needed. Or I might want to do some online banking, but it doesn't work...

But of course, the practicalities of life are never my real priority. I am too busy daydreaming and thinking about things of little or no relevance. Consequently, the Enter button I am talking about is not purely the one on my laptop. I think it could represent something else. So I thought a bit deeper about this.

When I make decisions, or take action. That is like pushing Enter. It is like going onto the next thing. It is like going on to the next stage, in whatever that may be. In computer language, (which I don't speak very well) It is like you type in a web address, then push Enter and wait. In other words, you think about what page you want to view, you type the letters, and then Enter......

Hopefully it turns out how you expect. You don't want freezes, popups and crashes etc.

Same with life. You think about it, take the actions required, and then hope that the consequences of your actions, work out how you want them to. The thing with life that can make it difficult, is that we haven't been here before. So we don't always know what the consequences of our decisions will be. This is my first time trying this life thing out. There is a lot I don't know about!

So I am afraid to make decisions because I don't know, or don't trust what will happen next. It is unsafe. What if I freeze. What if I crash. What if all sorts of things pop up that I don't know how to deal with. What if I ruin my hard drive and lose years of memories and information? Sure, a Computer Technician may be able to fix the problems, but I risk losing everything in the process.

Just like a computer, life has an underlying system that keeps things running. Laws of physics, spiritual laws, etc. When I push Enter on my keyboard, I trust that I will get what I want. And this is trusting a man-made machine. So when I make a decision in life, I am stepping into the unknown. I don't always know what the results of my actions will be. I am trusting the God-who-made-man to deal with those results. We don't know what will happen, but we do know who is in control. So I probably shouldn't be afraid of the Enter button. But sometimes fear of the unknown can be a powerful force.

What will happen if I don't push enter?

Healthy Homes

It's that time of year again, when it starts to get cold, damp, and dark. Some people love winter and the cosy, fireside-under-the-blanket lifestyle it brings. Some people despise it's icy tentacles invading and enveloping your warm summery life. The heater comes out of the cupboard and proceeds to increase your power bill, with it's stony grill face smirking at your predicament.

The catch22 situation arises in Christchurch, where fresh, crisp, clear blue skies appear frequently, but we can't enjoy the view because our windows are blanketed with wet, dripping windows inside our homes. That's what got me thinking.

Is your view of life impeded by dirty, or condensation covered windows?

As we live our lives, we all create an atmosphere within our hearts and around about us. Our choices, mindsets, attitudes, thoughts etc all create and give off energy (I hate that word, it sounds like new age mumbo jumbo) but anyway, i'll use it...

Just like in our homes, we breathe, cook, sleep, etc and this creates humidity in our homes, making them damp, unhealthy, cold, mouldy, and covers the windows, stopping light from getting in, and stopping ourselves from seeing out. To fix this, we have to open our windows, wipe them down, use a dehumidifier, install healthy heating and ventilation etc. Then our homes are much better places to live in. They cost less to heat. The air is cleaner. It's all good stuff...

In our lives, we have to do similar things in order for our spirits, souls, bodies to stay healthy. We should regularly "open up our windows" and let others see in. We shouldn't close off, we should always be looking to refresh our vision, so that we have new hope each morning and let light, and beauty into our hearts. We should instill habits into our lives that "dehumidify" our hearts. Praying, talking honestly, forgiving people, apologising, being thankful etc, all create a healthy atmosphere in your inner world.

With your humidity levels down (some of us have such high levels that it feels like steam is coming out of our ears!) then it takes far less "heat" to warm your home. What I mean by this is, One word of encouragement can make your day. One of your favourite songs makes you happy all day, one walk along the beach and you feel content for the rest of the week. When your inner world is healthy, it doesn't take much for you to feel good, but when it is unhealthy, then you can crank the heater all day and still feel cold... ie, you can spend your whole life trying to get approval from others, getting drunk, sleeping around, being needy, constantly searching for the next thing to make you feel good and it will never satisfy you. You will always feel cold and angry and will probably blame others and hate God...

So, I strongly suggest that you do something to make your inner world healthier and your life will improve immeasurably. Everything starts from your heart, and the rest of your life reflects the condition that it is in. Just like living in a warm healthy home can make you feel much better than if you lived in a cold, dark, damp house, wrapped up in your sleeping bag just to fend off those unpleasant feelings...

Warm up New Zealand ;)

Lord and (then) Saviour

Last night I was saying a couple of prayers. Just the usual. Thanks for this, thanks for that. You are God, I am not. Help me with this, help me with that. During this time, I felt like God spoke to me. Not in an audible voice. That's not the common way God speaks to me. It was more of a loud, clear thought, which stands out from all the other thoughts, loitering around my headspace.

I was saying, "can you help me with something? Can you save me from this..." And I felt God say "I'm supposed to be your Lord and Saviour, I can't just be your Saviour. If you want me to be your Saviour, then you need to make me your Lord as well".

Thanks for the wake up call! Yeah, I realised that I can't just "use" God to meet my needs when I want, and then do things my way in between times.

How many times have I said that Jesus is my "personal Lord and Saviour?"

Notice, Lord comes first, and then Saviour. My Personal Lord and (then) Saviour.

If I choose to live my way, I have no right to expect God to save me when I want. Sure, He is full of grace and will often save us when we don't deserve it, but it is a dangerous place to be in, to expect God to bail us out when we continually live in rebellion to Him and His ways.

But if we make Him the Boss, and do as we are told, then he has promised to save us. That's His part. We trust him, the consequences are up to him. But if we trust ourselves, then we need to be prepared to deal with what comes.

So if you are always asking God to save you, but feel like he isn't helping, maybe you should ask yourself, "Is He really the Lord of my life?" Do you do things God's way, or your own way? Is he number one, or are you?

Sure, He doesn't answer every prayer right away... sometimes he says "wait" etc... even to those who truly love God more than anything! All I am saying is that God is God, so we should keep him in that place, not relegate him to our magic genie who is there to save us from our problems...

He's Lord AND Saviour

:D

understanding gifted

http://pespmc1.vub.ac.be/papers/GiftedProblems.pdf

When I was young, I was a child. humour there. I was also identified as a "gifted child" I did some IQ tests with psychologists in my primary school years, and earlier too... I had results in the 135-145 region, which indicates a very high result. The median is 100, so that 50% of people should be below and 50% of people will be above 100, and something like 95% of people will be between 80 an 120. I was also placed in a gifted group of about four of us, where we didnt have to do normal schoolwork one day a week, instead we would go on fieldtrips!

I was going through a few things a while ago and wanted to figure out why? I talked to my parents and they reminded me of the gifted child thing. Growing up, I had tried to forget it, coz gifted kids don't fit in. I was bullied, I was bored, everything was too easy, people my own age never got my jokes and attempts at conversation. I would talk to adults coz I was more on their level intellectually. So this babble is all part of me rediscovering who I am, before I denied it as a child.

I tried playing soccer, and ended up trialling for NZ... I tried playing drums without lessons or anything, that was easy too. I never studied at school or uni but passed everything with good grades and always handed in early. The list is endless! But before you think I am going on about how great I am, I struggle with other things that most people find really easy. Most people find someone nice, and just get married... Of course they have to work at it, but generally, people just do all of these socially "normal" things with relative ease. They like something, are good at it, so they have a great career as a teacher, or nurse, or builder etc... But when you are good at almost everything, and get bored of it very quickly, you never know what you want to do. Relationships have always been really hard. I'm not married at an age where my friends are all having numerous kids... I have no idea what i'm doing with my career, at an age when people are earning huge money, running businesses, etc... But I do have an imagination as big as this universe, with more colours and smells than the Chelsea flower show. I know thousands of things that I have never learnt or read about. I always win Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?! But basic life is not my strongpoint!

The Gifted Paradox

If I could give you an insight into what life is like as a "gifted adult" it could be this paradox that I just thought of: Deep, complex, creative, difficult, intellectual things are very easy, but simple, everyday things can be incredibly difficult.

The hard thing is that it is very difficult to find other people like this, so you spend your life hiding who you are so you can fit in. This is a terrible way to live, but if I was myself, I would probably have no friends! I try to meet other people where they are, because I can't expect other people to meet me where I am. But over the last three decades, this has caused much confusion about who I am! So now as a 30yr old, I am only redisovering the self I lost when life got too painful for this sensitive child.

Another thing which may help you understand me is the typically highly charged senses. I have to wear sunnies more than often, coz the light I see is probably brighter than the light you might see. I smell things that aren't there. I still have a child's innocent sense of wonder. I can look at a tree for hours, just watching the leaves dance, like God is moving each one individually, just for me. But No one would ever do that with me, they would be bored in 2mins. So the gifted are always lonely and feel like wierdos. I can spend all afternoon watching the leaves. And I do this every second I can. The hum of a crowd is actually dozens of conversations that are all catching my attention, and drawing my imagination and energy to. If someone asks you a question, you might have an answer, I probably have dozens, and can instantly imagine the next half hour of conversation! And then i'm bored because I have to wait for us to have that conversation when I have been waiting at the finish line for a while. Because so much information and options are instantly there, I often say nothing, because there is too much to decipher. Like logs flowing down a river, I get too many at once and it blocks the river. This is why I like to write, because I am forced to slow down to the speed of my slow typing! It's not only introverts who need time to answer, gifted people often do as well. Simple conversations and socialisations and relationships are actually a lot of hard work, which is why I can appear to be a bit wierd sometimes, although i'm good at managing these situations to not appear so.

I have done lots of research in to this whole thing in the last year or so. There are a few good sources of info... if you are really interested, then google "Gifted Adults".

Gifted doesn't mean better, or smarter or anything else... they just experience life with much more depth, colour, passion, strong feelings etc, and this can be overwhelming when ordinary demands are placed on them coz so there is always so much going on inside.

I just had to get something of my chest :O)

cake or road

Yeah, so I have been thinking... I love reading books, and articles on the internet. I am almost a daily visitor to Wikipedia, and can honestly lose hours on it once I start. Yes I am a knowledge geek.

I know lots of other people who like to read as well. They read all kinds of books. Some read the bible. Some read moon-man books. Others read all kinds of books in between. Some read one book in their lives. Some read thousands. That's good. We are all different, so it makes sense that our reading habits are different, doesn't it?

I think it is very important to gain knowledge. I think it's more important to gain wisdom, but knowledge is a common precursor to wisdom, so gain as much understanding as you possibly can. Knowledge is also a great way to remove ignorance from your life. Yeah, people say , ignorance is bliss, but only only when you use that quote in context. Don't use it as an excuse to be ignorant, or stupid. I'm not talking about school education either...not all of us were fortunate enough to have had a good upbringing and schooling. Not all of our parents wanted us to be knowledgeable either. I'm talking about something different.

You may have heard the quote "when you stop learning, you start dying". Well, you've heard it now :P

I have a problem when people decide that they know it all. I am very easy-going, but when people a close-minded to new things, I get rather annoyed.

I really don't care how much someone knows, but I DO care about their attitude to learning. Someone who is open to new things has an attitude that says, "I don't know anything, I want to learn more", whereas a person who is close-minded about new things, or ideas, has an attitude that says "I know everything, and I don't need to know anything else".

Now I would like to put all of this into some sort of context...

Well, as someone who believes in God, and His Son Jesus, I think that we should be reading our bibles. Not as a religious duty of a Christian Legal System, but coz we want to keep learning. I also think that it is very important to read all kinds of other books and articles etc... Reading your bible is often like your bread, veges and water... All these other books are like your treats, your spices, your icecream etc... They are often very helpful at enjoying your life, and may give you a quick-fix pick me up, to add a bit of colour to your life. But your bible is the one staple diet that makes you healthy, strong, and useful to others. It may at times taste boring, but you need it. If all you did was eat treats, you would end up sick, unhealthy and no use to others. Or yourself!

I think it is wrong to read only your bible, if it makes you dogmatic, religious, closeminded, angry, defensive.

I also think it is wrong to read all kinds of books, if it makes you whacko, Dan Brown, Moon-Man loopy, anything goes.

You will need to self-medicate. If all you do is read your bible, be aware that you could be a religious freak.... GET REAL!!! isn't it ALL about loving God and others anyway? But if all you do is read "other" books, be aware that you could be a stupid hippy dropkick...GET OVER YOURSELF!!! if you are too open minded your brains will fall out. You don't decide what truth is. Truth does!

Your bible is the main road, all other books are dead end streets on the way... you might get something from visiting them, but in the end, if you really want to go somewhere, you need to head back to the main road. Only an idiot would plan a journey and then spend their time parked up on dead end streets. It makes no sense! Conversely, if all you do is drive down the main road, you may never see the real world. You will get where you are going, and if that's all you want to do, then go for it! But, some of us like to explore the details along the way to make our journey a deeper, richer experience.

Right, that's enough exploring, time to hit the road again!

Introvert Guilt

As you might know, introverts love time by themselves. Extroverts don't naturally understand this and can easily get annoyed with their introvert friends because of their lack of understanding, thinking that they are wierd, rude, antisocial, selfish, and that they don't care about others. These judgements are based in ignorance of others who are different from them.It's not always their fault, it's the way our society seems to work, and is a natural mindset in this time where people are too busy to really put any effort in to thinking about meaningful things.

This underlying pressure to not be introverted, tells the introvert that who they are is not ok, and that they must socialise and be extroverted to be normal. This pressure makes the introvert feel like they must always say "yes" to every social event, so that their extroverted friends won't attack them with disapproval and hurtful assumptions.

Out of this pressure to be extroverted, spawns an incidious phenomena, commonly referred to as "Introvert guilt". This happens when you crave time alone, but feel guilty for neglecting your family and friends.

Overcoming introvert guilt - which many people with introverted personality traits feel when they take time for themselves - can be as simple as making a schedule and sticking to it!

“Our modern society puts more emphasis on getting along in parties and groups, assertiveness and classic extroverted personality traits,” says Suite101 writer Alicia King. “Society's lessons can make us feel wrong about wanting solitude.”

Introverted personality traits go against the norm in many communities, companies, and groups. Introverts prefer to spend time alone or with one or two others. Many introverts accept invitations to events and activities because of introvert guilt (actually, whether we’re introverts or extroverts, many of us are people pleasers who have a hard time saying no).

Introverts are relatively easily overstimulated at work or in groups of people. A tell-tale introverted personality characteristic is how they get their energy. Introverts need to be alone to feel refreshed and back in touch with themselves. In contrast, extroverts get their energy from groups of people.

So here's some tips for introverts to deal with this, from some websites I have been reading:

Overcoming Introvert Guilt

1.Know your personality. The more you learn about your introverted personality characteristics, the more familiar and normal they become. When you know yourself, you can accept yourself.

2.Schedule downtime. Write it on your calendar or in your daytimer: Mon, Weds and Fri from 4 to 5:30 pm is your time. Do whatever it is that fills you up again with positive energy.

3.Practice saying no. The more you say no even if you feel guilty, the easier it’ll get. You don’t have to have a reason to say no (though needing time alone is one of the best reasons there is).

4.Unite with fellow introverted personality types. Learn to identify people with introverted personality characteristics. Maybe you have a close friend to visit with, but you don’t necessarily want to talk the whole time. If she’s an introvert, discuss ways to be together without constant conversation. Carpooling to the gym works because you can chat to and from the fitness centre, and still have some quiet time on the machines.

5.Don't take other's disapproval personally. Just because you do things differently from them and they don't always get it, doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you! We all like other people to like us, but that should just be the icing on the cake to our self-esteem. You are made in a certain, unique way, so just accept yourself and hang out with people who understand and appreciate you for who you are. Don't spend too much time with people who make you feel bad about who you are, it's not healthy.

It is OK to spend time by yourself, don't feel bad :D

Strengthfinders Results

Strengthfinders Results: Top Five (In order)

1. Intellection

You like to think. You like mental activity. You like exercising the “muscles” of your brain, stretching them in multiple directions. This need for mental activity may be focused; for example, you may be trying to solve a problem or develop an idea or understand another person’s feelings. The exact focus will depend on your other strengths. On the other hand, this mental activity may very well lack focus. The theme of Intellection does not dictate what you are thinking about; it simply describes that you like to think. You are the kind of person who enjoys your time alone because it is your time for musing and reflection. You are introspective. In a sense you are your own best companion, as you pose yourself questions and try out answers on yourself to see how they sound. This introspection may lead you to a slight sense of discontent as you compare what you are actually doing with all the thoughts and ideas that your mind conceives. Or this introspection may tend toward more pragmatic matters such as the events of the day or a conversation that you plan to have later. Wherever it leads you, this mental hum is one of the constants of your life.

2.Strategic

The Strategic theme enables you to sort through the clutter and find the best route. It is not a skill that can be taught. It is a distinct way of thinking, a special perspective on the world at large. This perspective allows you to see patterns where others simply see complexity. Mindful of these patterns, you play out alternative scenarios, always asking, “What if this happened? Okay, well what if this happened?” This recurring question helps you see around the next corner. There you can evaluate accurately the potential obstacles. Guided by where you see each path leading, you start to make selections. You discard the paths that lead nowhere. You discard the paths that lead straight into resistance. You discard the paths that lead into a fog of confusion. You cull and make selections until you arrive at the chosen path—your strategy. Armed with your strategy, you strike forward. This is your Strategic theme at work: “What if?” Select. Strike.

3.Responsibility

Your Responsibility theme forces you to take psychological ownership for anything you commit to, and whether large or small, you feel emotionally bound to follow it through to completion. Your good name depends on it. If for some reason you cannot deliver, you automatically start to look for ways to make it up to the other person. Apologies are not enough. Excuses and rationalizations are totally unacceptable. You will not quite be able to live with yourself until you have made restitution. This conscientiousness, this near obsession for doing things right, and your impeccable ethics, combine to create your reputation: utterly dependable. When assigning new responsibilities, people will look to you first because they know it will get done. When people come to you for help—and they soon will—you must be selective. Your willingness to volunteer may sometimes lead you to take on more than you should.

4.Adaptability

You live in the moment. You don’t see the future as a fixed destination. Instead, you see it as a place that you create out of the choices that you make right now. And so you discover your future one choice at a time. This doesn’t mean that you don’t have plans. You probably do. But this theme of Adaptability does enable you to respond willingly to the demands of the moment even if they pull you away from your plans. Unlike some, you don’t resent sudden requests or unforeseen detours. You expect them. They are inevitable. Indeed, on some level you actually look forward to them. You are, at heart, a very flexible person who can stay productive when the demands of work are pulling you in many different directions at once.

5.Connectedness

Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life’s mysteries.

Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts

Top 5 Things Every Extrovert Should Know About Introverts
By: Brian Kim - October 2, 2007

First off, there are those who are reading this who might not know which camp they fall into, the extrovert or the introvert. Chances are, the majority of those reading this will know, but for those who don’t, let’s define those two terms here very broadly.

Extroverts tend to be those who are more energized when around other people. They are the ones who will reach for the cell phone when alone for more than a minute, the ones who love to go out every weekend, the ones who love to chit chat, mingle, and socialize.

Introverts tend to be those who are more energized when alone with themselves. They are the ones who have to be dragged to parties, who are the first ones ready to leave after a short period of time, and who generally enjoy solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.

The qualities and characteristics of introverts are often held in a negative light in today’s world, so it’s only natural that the majority of people seem to think that there’s something wrong with them.

The reason why the majority of people think that there’s something wrong with introverts is because the majority of people aren’t very knowledgeable when it comes to introverts, in terms of why they are the way they are and why they do the things they do.

Many people tend to hold several potentially damaging misconceptions about introverts, but through no fault of their own.

I’ve been on both sides of the extrovert/introvert fence, and I can understand why extroverts tend to view introverts in a negative light, socially speaking, so I thought it would be best to write an article dedicated to helping extroverts understand their often very misunderstood introvert counterparts.

My hope is this article will help solve that problem by shedding some light as to why introverts are the way they are and do the things they do, so here are 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts.

1. If a person is introverted, it does NOT mean they are shy or anti-social.

This is probably THE biggest misconception that extroverts tend to have when it comes to introverts.

And you can’t really blame them for having that kind of misconception.

Extroverts tend to have to drag introverts to parties, to convince them to go and sell them on attending social engagements. When introverts politely decline, extroverts automatically assume that something might be wrong so they always ask if everything’s all right and of course, everything is all right. It’s just a common misunderstanding. When extroverts see a pattern like this developing, they automatically assume that introverts are shy or anti-social as that can be the only logical explanation to them.

What’s more, when extroverts try to engage introverts in small talk, it seems like they hit a brick wall.

Add to that, most extroverts see that introverts tend to be fond of engaging in solitary activities such as reading, writing, and daydreaming.

Well, if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck, it must be a duck right?

Wrong.

Introverts have more brain activity in their frontal lobes and when these areas are activated through solitary activity, introverts become energized through processes such as problem solving, introspection, and complex thinking.

Extroverts on the other hand tend to have more activity in the back of their brain, areas that deal with processing sensory information from the external world, so they tend to search for external stimuli in the form of interacting with other people and the outside world to energize them.

There’s a deeper science to this that involves differences in the levels of brain chemicals such as acetylcholine and dopamine in extroverts and introverts, but I won’t get into that.

The bottom line is that introverts are just wired differently than extroverts. There’s nothing “wrong” with them. They just become energized through different processes depending on where the majority of their brain activity takes place.

Granted there are introverts who may be shy and anti-social, but that’s just a coincidence that perpetuates the myth that ALL introverts are like that.

You’ll find that all introverts are fine just the way they are until people begin to subtly suggest otherwise.

2. Introverts tend to dislike small talk.


If you really want to engage an introvert in conversation, skip the small talk. Introverts tend to love deep conversations on subjects that interest them. They love to debate, go past the superficial and poke around the depths in people’s minds to see what’s really going on in there. Most, if not all introverts tend to regard small talk as a waste of time, unless it’s with someone new they just met.

This characteristic probably contributes to another misconception that extroverts have of introverts - the misconception that all introverts are arrogant.

Why?

Because extroverts notice that introverts don’t talk that much with other people. Therefore, extroverts assume that introverts think they’re too good to talk to others, hence arrogant and that’s hardly the case.

It’s just a matter of preference.

Extroverts thrive on small talk.
Introverts abhor it.

There’s nothing wrong with either choice, it’s just a matter of preference.

This brings us to the third point.

3. Introverts do like to socialize – only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.


Yes, it’s true. Contrary to the majority of public opinion, introverts do like to socialize, but again, only in a different manner and less frequently than extroverts.

Introverts love anything that involves deep conversation. They get energized by discussing subjects that are important to them and they love see what and how other people think, to connect the dots, to dig deep, to find root causes, to use logical thinking via debate in conversation, etc.

And what’s more, introverts can do a lot of things extroverts are naturally good at - give great speeches, schmooze with everyone, be the life of the party, charm the socks off of total strangers - but only for a short period of time. After that, they need time for themselves which brings us to the fourth point.

4. Introverts need time alone to recharge.


Extroverts tend to think introverts have something against them as they constantly seem to refuse generous invites to social engagements. Introverts do appreciate the offers, but it’s just that they know it will take a lot of energy out of them if they pursue these social functions.

They need time alone like they need food and water. Give them their space. There’s nothing wrong with them. They’re not depressed and they’re not sad. They just need time alone to recharge their batteries.

5. Introverts are socially well adjusted.


Most introverts are well aware of all the social nuances, customs, and mannerisms when it comes to interacting with other people, but they simply don’t choose to socialize as much as extroverts, which makes it easy for extroverts to assume that introverts are not socially well adjusted, as they have not seen much evidence of them interacting with other people.

This just exacerbates previous misconceptions and gives way to labeling introverts as nerds, geeks, loners, etc.

It’s easy to understand why society tends to value extroverts over introverts. Human beings have lived in a tribal society so having to interact frequently with people came to be a regarded as a very good skill when it came to survival.

But because of this high value placed on extroversion, introverts tend to feel trapped and find themselves in a catch 22 situation.

Do introverts stay true to who they are and risk social alienation and isolation or do introverts conform and join the extroverted side, pretending to be somebody they’re not just to fit in?

This is precisely why I wrote this article, because if the extroverts can become more educated about introverts, introverts will be able to feel free to stay true to who they are, and that’s a good thing from society’s point of view.

Trying to “turn” an introverted person into an extroverted person is detrimental because it gives off a subtle suggestion that there is something wrong with them, hampering their self worth and esteem when there is absolutely nothing wrong in the first place.

There’s nothing wrong with introverts.

In fact, introverts are the leading pioneers of advancements in human civilization. Albert Einstein, Issac Newton, Charles Darwin are a few introverts that come to mind, just to name a few.

And for those of you not interested in science, but pop culture, you’ll be surprised to see a lot of well known names in Hollywood are introverts as well. Julia Roberts, Steven Spielberg, Christian Bale to name a few as well.

And for those interested in sports, Michael Jordan and Tiger Woods come to mind as athletes who are introverts as well.

Introverts have a lot to bring to the table. They have an amazing ability to discover new thoughts, an uncanny ability to focus, to concentrate, to connect the dots, to observe and note things that most people miss, to listen extremely well and are often found having a rich and vivid imagination too.

The more extroverts become knowledgeable about introverts, the less tension and misunderstanding there will be among the two.

So if you’re an introvert reading this, send a copy of this article to all your extrovert friends so they can get a better idea of what you’re all about.

It’s time to finally clear the air.

Know Yourself

I love learning about personalities and individual's differences. We all have different strengths and weaknesses and have to interact with other people who have different combinations. As you probably know, this can cause all sorts of reactions when two people try to relate to eachother. Sometimes the resulting interactions are positive, and other times negative. Some people live easily with eachother, and some people are always getting on eachother's nerves!

I believe that God has knitted us together from before we were even born, and has given us each and completely unique combination of gifts, so that we can go into the world and do good things which He has designed us to do. Some people are put together with the ideal temperament, personality, abilities etc to be a tradesman. Others, to be a nurse, a teacher, a lawyer, etc.

One huge reason why I love personality studies etc, is because I know it can help people find what they are good at, and therefore, what area of work they should get into... and then they are more likely to enjoy their lives! No one person is the same as the next, and we should never put ourselves into a labelled box, but having a general idea is better than having no idea, don't you think! As I said earlier, we have been DESIGNED with a certain purpose in mind. I personally think that you NEED TO KNOW who you are, in order to live out God's will for your life. If you don't spend time figuring out who you were made to be, then you will spend your life being who you THINK YOU ARE. There's a difference. For example, I could think that I am an awesome bank manager, and do everything I can to live out this belief. As long as everyone else thinks i'm cool and I am earning money etc who cares right?! Wrong! The reality is that my personality, how my brain works, what I enjoy, etc, don't line up with that! I am being fake, for whatever reason... maybe to fit in or please others?

(btw, I once worked in a bank and didn't enjoy it! But I did get to wear a suit to impress other people! Sounds lame to me now, but I actually wanted to wear a suit back then so that other people would be impressed. How embarrassing!)

If I had known about my strengths and weaknesses and giftings, then I wouldn't have struggled away for months in that bank! Don't get me wrong, God can use all things for good, and I did learn a few things, but sometimes you just don't need to do everything the hard way!

One one the most life changing times of my life was at Ministry Training College, when I discovered The Myers-Briggs personality test. It gave me such a clear picture of who I am. As I said, it's just a guide, but a scarily accurate one at that! Sometimes I fit the box, sometimes a bit less, but it has been incredibly helpful to me in the last 5 years when dealing with other people and myself. I highly recommend this tool, to help you learn about yourself, because if you don't continually learn about yourself, how can you love others as youself? And how can you live an authentic life if you are pretending to be something you aren't? If you know you you are, then you can start to accept that, then you are free to love others.

There's heaps of different sites to try out, but these are a couple of good ones :)

hwww.personalitypage.com
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Myers-Briggs_Type_Indicator

New Years Revolutions

Well, another year has been and gone, with all the ups and downs that i've come to expect from life. My biggest high of the year was when I bought my first home. I had been working and saving for a number of years, feeling like I would never gather enough money to get a deposit. It was made more difficult with banks requiring higher and higher deposits due to the global financial situation. But, literally overnight, I had put in an offer and had it accepted! It was so exciting!

The place needed a lot of work. So I replaced the carpet, curtains, flooring, splashed a bit of paint around and did some landscaping. The crowing glory has to be my hardwood deck out the back, replacing the wasteland area the had been there for 30 years. Working in the trades has allowed me to get free plants, and cheaper timber etc, which has really helped on a tight budget. I'm really proud of myself, buying and renovating a home all by myself. The next plan is to build a garden shed!

But that's not what I wanted to talk about. My New Years resolution, (or Revolution) as I like to call them, was an original idea. To get fit. Basically, I had had enough of being called fatty, even though it was mostly in a joking way, and decided to do something about it. I joined the gym.

I have a top-class facility only 2mins drive or 7mins cycle from my place. I have been going for three weeks now, at least 4-5 times per week. It's not the first time I have been to a gym. I used to play a lot of competitive sport and have been through at least a dozen memberships over the years. I used most of them ;). So this is nothing new for me in that sense. I guess what feels new is my attitude. I would say that this time I have some real determination and discipline that hasn't always been there. It's encouraging to know that I have grown in this area.

My first discouragement came after two weeks when I weighed myself, only to see that I was EXACTLY the same weight. 10 hard workouts down and I hadn't shed even one fraction of a KG! It was at this point that my trainer said, "You don't just lose weight instantly, you have to do the ground work and build muscle (which actually adds weight) before you start to lose it. He also said that weight isn't too important, your body shape, and how you feel is what's important.

Anyway... I guess what i'm trying to say is this: In the whole area of change, the most important thing is to keep doing the right thing, the results will take care of themselves. Keep focussed on the goal, put in the work and the rest will happen. Don't allow yourself to get discouraged because things don't happen the way you want them to. It's the longer term that's more important.

So keep doing the hard work, even when it feels like there is no evidence of change or growth or anyone else even noticing a thing. Try not to measure your change by readings that the world tells you to, measure your change on your goals and visions for your life. God puts things in our hearts, and how we line up with those is more important than how we line up to other's expectations or standards.

New Year's RESOLUTIONS don't always work, but New Year's REVOLUTIONS means a new way of life,