Wait Issues

Hello...

Last Friday, I went in for another MRI. This was a post operative scan to see how the surgery went, and from those results, the medical staff could plan my future treatment. Originally, I was scheduled to come in on Monday the 5th of december, to have my first session of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, but after the results of the MRI, they put this back until thursday the 8th of december. Although I am getting a bit sick of waiting around at home, I am still happy with this news. This tells me that the six weeks, then six months of follow up treatment, although important, is not urgent. In other words, if I had some stuff still left in my head that urgently needed to start coming out, then they would've got me in there to get started. So the delay is actually good news, even though it drags things out for a few more days. Thursday 8th of December at 2pm is now the first session. Then 1:50pm on Friday. Looking forward to it...

In case you're wondering, each time I go in for a treatment session, I get a free car parking voucher to put on the car's dashboard. So we don't have to pay for parking! Good! basically, it will work like this: you drive around to the Oncology Department, drop me off, I go in, I get the voucher, I come out (to the car...), give you the voucher, then you go find a car park while I go in and wait. Then you come in and wait, or do whatever you want for a few minutes, like go get yourself a coffee, or some personal grooming, or do some donuts in the car park etc... Or you could come in and wait in the waiting room. We'll see what works best?

Then... Every weekday for six weeks, I have to go in for treatment. Usually this will take no more than one hour at a time, then I can go home and relax again. This will go all the way through Christmas holidays until late January. Ive had a few very generous offers of assistance, so thanks to those people, (you know who you are!) I owe you big time! They have given me the times for the following week as well, but as these could possibly change, I will just keep these to myself for now. Maybe next week I will broadcast them into Blogland for my knights in shining armour to come and rescue me. Thank you in advance to all those who can help.

Following this initial six week intensive schedule, I have six months of chemotherapy. This involves taking pills every day for a week, then having three weeks off to feel sick etc. Just as I start to feel better, I have to take the pills again for another week. And so on. For six months. Yay... That will be fun... I don't know too much about this stage of things, so I'll just leave it at that. Also, I am taking four pills each night to stop me having another seizure. Working so far ;)

Oh yeah. No driving for 12 months. Time I sorted out my bike! If I'm allowed to that is!

So, lots of waiting. No going out. Lots of time sitting on the couch. Getting SkyTV installed tomorrow. Can't afford it. Will just have to make some cutbacks somewhere, but as I am no longer doing a physical job, hopefully I can adjust my diet to eat less and spend less on food. Don't want any wait issues. I've got a marathon to run ;) A very good friend has shouted me a Fatso DVD subscription, which I have already ordered about 30 movies from! My cousin dropped off dozens of movies yesterday as well. Id better stop there, coz i'll forget someone! I love the advice I am getting from those who have been here before, so thanks for that, I really appreciate your help, even if I have lost a bit of my short term memory at the moment and forgotten to thank you each individually! God won't forget, even if I seem to for a while. I am honestly touched by your acts of love and kindness. I'll pay you back... Honest... :p

Waiting has thrown up all kinds of issues. (maybe not the best weigh of putting it). (yes my spelling mistakes are intentional). ( more bracketed comments)

Sorry, where was I? Oh yeah, sunbathing. Please pray for sunshine so I can lie around outside on my deck and get rid of my nasty ankle tan lines. I have been working on these for about five years, so I don't expect fast results, but considering I have a few months of resting at home, I intend to pursue them until the bitter end. White feet are not cool, and now is the hour for their demise. They have had their time in the sun (or not) and that has come to an end. If you wish to say goodbye to my white feet, send me a text and you can come and visit them. They won't be here forever, so don't take them for granted.

Ooh, I think I see some blue skies starting to break through.

I have work to do!

Yippee!

Hello again,

What an interesting last four weeks eh! Today marks the four week anniversary of when it all began. Hard to believe it's only been four weeks. Feels like so much longer...four weeks ago, I knew nothing. Now I stand on the verge of chemotherapy, radiotherapy, daily sickness and tiredness.

As previously stated in earlier blogs, I'm not exactly happy that this has happened to me! But there's no point in sulking about it and wallowing in my bad news. More to the point, two good friends are getting married tomorrow, which is very exciting, and I don't want to draw any attention away from their special day. That would be very selfish and arrogant and I want no part of anything like that!

Furthermore, if you have the temptation to feel sorry for me and become a martyr, then I would rather that you stay away from me. That may sound harsh, but believe me, the last thing I want to do is spend all of my energy trying to cheer up everyone else! I don't feel sorry for myself and I don't expect you to either :)

My life is not over. I'm here for a while yet. Maybe even longer than you! So let's just enjoy our lives together and get over your need to be needed. Don't get me wrong, I need practical help with meals and DVDs and stuff like that, but I would rather you come over and just have fun. If I'm feeling a bit down, just ride it out. It won't last too long!

Consider this your warning ;)

Yeah, the bible tells me that it's good to rejoice with those who rejoice and mourn with those who mourn. In other words, if I'm fine, don't drag me down, just be fine too, please... If that's too hard for you, then you don't have to come over! And if I'm feeling a bit stink, then don't make it worse by ignoring that and telling me to get over it! If that's your attitude, then you can go find some other friends thanks...

Ooh, I like telling people off hehe...

Tomorrow, at the wedding, it is going to be a day of celebration! I am looking forward to enjoying the day with all of my friends. I don't mind if you ask me how I am, don't feel uncomfortable, it's nothing to feel weird about. I am more than happy to talk to you about it, but as long as you remember that tomorrow is all about the two people getting married and you rejoice with them. Because I am getting my haircut and dressing up in my suit and I'm gonna have a great day celebrating with my friends! Lets have a great time together and rejoice with our friends. They are awesome and this is their big day! I hope they love every second!

I have a couple more weddings in the New Year that I plan on going to and having a great time at as well! They will be fun too! I may be bald by then, but I will still do my best to enjoy myself! Bald people are people too. Don't judge me... Lol

So, for those who I will see tomorrow, let's have a great day celebrating together. And for those who I won't see, why don't you do something that you enjoy? Get your bike out and pump up the tyres, and disappear into the forest, or do some baking with the music cranking, or mow the lawns in your shorts, or have a BBQ and get your friends over... The list is endless!!!

See you tomorrow, or Sunday, or just whenever :)

Live your life!

Will You Open Your Gift?

Well, I had another meeting at hospital yesterday. It was at 12PM. It took just under an hour. It was with my doctor. Not my surgeon. That was the day before. The doctor said mostly similar things, but was a bit more precise with the prognosis. Where my surgeon, who did the operation, told me I have between 2-10 years, my doctor told me that I probably have about 3 years left before the tumour returns and takes my life.

Not good news. But you know what? I don't care what the doctor says. Sure, I respect their opinion etc, but I have faith that I can keep on living for many more years! Yep, I could be completely wrong. But you know what... If I decide that I have three years, then I will end up waiting around to die. I will end up focussing on how long I have left and it may very well become a self fulfilling prophecy.

What's the point of that!

I could very well out live many of you reading this, the only difference is that I have some warning about when it may happen. You may just have a heart attack or choke on your wife's brownies, and then it's all over!

In a week or so, I start my chemotherapy and radiotherapy, where my hair will start to fall out and I will want to sleep for a couple of months, but that's all part if the adventure isn't it? I have a chance to write my 'bucket list' and live the last years of my life to the fullest! Time to make a difference. Time to leave a legacy. Time to change people's lives.

I'm sure that this may be quite hard for you to get your head around, trust me, I know! Try getting your head around something that is literally inside your head! It's raining at the moment. Will this be the last time I see rain? Should I go outside and sit in it? How do I handle this? Maybe I have 30 years left? Who knows! I have been told I have about three. What does that mean? Do I? How do I spend the time I have left? I take my kiwisaver out and make some memorable plans! That's one decision I have made!

Why me?

Why NOT?

This is such a valuable opportunity that I am grateful to have been given. Sure, I would gladly swap for someone else and live for another 50 years! And that could very well happen! But there's also a chance that it won't happen. I have to be real about it as well as live by faith. I'm not stupid. But I also realize that God is the only one who really knows what is going to happen! I can focus on what I want to happen, I can pray about it and set goals and so on, but ultimately, it's all up to him. I have decided to just accept his plan, and make the most of this warning I have been given!

My attitude is "let's just do it!"

What's yours? You don't have forever you know. Maybe you could decide to stop living like you do? Make the most of today. Every day you wake up and get out of bed is a gift. The Present.

Will you open your gift?

A Blog of Two Halves

Hello family...

I just checked this morning, and I now have over 2000 pageviews on my blog. Congratulations. Thank you.

Went to bed in fine, warm conditions, and woke up to some decent rain. That's a nice change. Ah, so, how about that weather eh? Yaaaaawwwwnnnnn.."

So, more importantly, I have an appointment at the hospital at 10AM, with my surgeon. MY SURGEON. Yeah, I have my own brain surgeon, because I am a person of such high significance these days. Miss Jackson is her name. We go way back. Weeks at least. Ah the memories. Such good times we have shared together. I spent two minutes with her, while she has spent an entire day with me, cutting my head open while I was asleep, but still, it was quality time together that I will never forget. Or maybe I will? I can't remember actually. My bad. Where am I?

So, I am getting a lift to hospital in an hour or so, and don't really have any idea about what to expect. Could be good news, could be bad news.

I will go have a shower now, and get prepared. Of course, I am prepared in my head and my heart, regardless, I will not get discouraged or let my head go down... Ahem... Nothing will knock my confidence, coz God will always be God and will always be in control. He's THE MAN!!!

I'll be back soon..............................................................................
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So. That was interesting. In a bad way. Bad interesting. This is difficult. Got my pathology results back from the lab in Sydney, and they were basically, bad news. I mean, they could've been much worse, but to get straight to the point, the best case scenario is that I have 7-10 years left before the tumour comes back and my life is ended. The worse case is that I have only two years left. But I refuse to even think about that! I have a couple of months of radiotherapy and chemotherapy every week day, then about six more months of chemotherapy. After all of that is done, there's no promises about how much longer I have. But at least I have something to do for the next year!

It will probably make me sick and weak and who knows what else, but at least I know where I'm going when this all works itself out!

Do you know where you're going? Coz it's not too late to decide. I had no warning, and you probably won't either, so now is a great time to choose! There's no better time to decide. Don't be a fool! It's all up to you...

Let me know what you think :)

Weak is Actually Strong

Hi there...

So, it's been pretty much a week since I woke up from my brain surgery, in recovery, not really with it, but glad it was all over! I remember the night quite clearly, because I had four I.V. Lines in my hands and feet, and the nurses were measuring my vital signs every two hours! I struggled to get any sleep, because I had been asleep for almost twenty hours with a couple of hours awake in between. I was still hooked up to a loudly beeping heart machine and had an automatic leg massaging machine constantly and repeatedly massaging my legs. And it just didn't stop. It went on and on. For hours. And all of the next day... I was beginning to wake up and realize where I was. I was still full of anesthetic and I knew that it was a slow road ahead. The food was reliable, if not spectacular, and it's clockwork appearance was a highlight of my days on that prison bed... I couldn't open my jaw to eat my icecream because the surgeons had butchered my muscles on the side on my head! I forgive them. Might stop me eating so much!

Friday night bought fish n chips! I can't tell you how exciting that was. I could have eaten five more meals!

But I didn't. Rightly so. Good decision...

So a couple of days later, the doctor came around and told me that I could go home on Saturday! What the!? I thought I had to spend a week in hospital recovering, yet two days later the all clear was given for me to go home! No one could believe it, but I wasn't really too surprised. I had faith. I was certain of what I had hoped for. I knew I was fine so just expected to go home... It wasn't a big deal...

So on Saturday, I left hospital and spent the weekend at Catherine's flat, then progressed back to my own house after a couple of nights. My face at this stage was completely swollen and I couldn't see out of my own eyes! Gladly, this only lasted for three days and then I was back to normal! Normal looking anyway...

I still have dozens of staples in my head, from one sideburn across to the other, over the top of my head. I can't count them all... Will take a while to take them all out, hopefully that could be tomorrow, but not sure yet. Tomorrow, I go back in to hospital to set up my radiotherapy. I need to have a minimum of six weeks, every day at hospital of radiation being beamed into my brain to kill off any remnants of the tumour that has possibly been missed. I can't drive there myself. I need a ride there every day! There's a lot to organise...

Lucky I'm not allowed to work for a few months...

The doctor says six. We'll see about that...

So, thank you again. I have people bringing me meals. Driving me around. Visiting me. Praying for me. Writing encouraging messages. Making phone calls to me. Doing my housework. Giving me hugs. Sending me cards and emails. I am receiving more offers for assistance than I know what to do with! Please keep it up, I appreciate it, and I really do need it! It is actually pretty tough being stuck at home with no freedom and income and still the same expenses disappearing on a regular basis...

From now 'til New Years, I will be sitting here at home, every single day, until I can get enough energy to get back into the real world again!

Maybe I could write a book?

New Life

Hello.

I am still alive!

I get a second chance at my life now. Two weeks ago, the doctor came in to my hospital room and said, "you need urgent brain surgery". Ten days later, they had removed a significant tumour from my brain. Today, I am almost ready to go again! In fact, if I I had my sunnies, I would consider going out for dinner in an hour or two. Maybe not the smartest thing to do, but it just shows how quickly I feel I have recovered.

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of those who have shown care and prayed for me over these last couple of weeks. I have no doubt whatsoever that I would not be in such a great condition if you hadn't said your two cents worth! I know that some have given two thousand dollars worth, and some two cents worth, but that doesn't matter one single bit to me! Maybe it was the one short prayer from the innocent three year old that made all the difference? God doesn't care about quantity like we do! We make a big deal about our impressive shows of ability and wealth, and He couldn't care less about those things!

I even went outside today and did a bit of weeding.

My attitude would have impressed Him, probably not my weeding skills though, to be honest!

But that doesn't matter. Coz He loves me more than I could ever understand.

And He loves you more than you could ever understand. There's no need to impress Him anymore!

He's already incredibly impressed. Even more than that. Even more than that again...

And so on...


Time to rest, now that I finally understand that.

What's on my mind?

Where do I begin?

About a week ago, this normally healthy young man woke up not feeling too good. When I say normally healthy, I mean, I haven't had a sick day in about five years, haven't even had a headache in a similar length of time. I was one of those annoying people who was always in good condition. I even annoyed myself.

But last Friday, I woke up in a bit of a daze, not in a clear state of mind. Of course, with my track record, I just put it down to a bad sleep, but my boss could tell during the course of our early morning phone call, that I didn't know where I was, or where I had been the day before, or anything! He told me to take the day off, so I went back to bed and woke up mid-afternoon.

A couple of hours later, I ordered pizza and was completely taken by surprise when they turned up half an hour later, as I had no memory of ever even ordering the pizza! So I put it in the fridge and didn't eat it! I can't remember much of that evening, so the next morning I went to the doctor. By this stage, I was almost unable to walk. The doctor recognized some signs from my blood tests and sent me straight to hospital. I had acute renal failure and through my CT scan they had discovered a decent tumour in my brain.

For the next eight days I lay in a hospital bed hooked up to a drip, giving blood and having MRI scans which showed the extent of my brain tumour. This Tuesday night I go back into hospital for a three hour operation to remove part of my skull and part of my brain. The recovery will most likely be long and slow, considering I am not allowed to drive for 12 months either. My life has literally changed overnight with zero warning signs. And it's only just begun. There's a chance of chemotherapy. Of losing memories, and abilities... Etc... But I refuse to dwell on those things. What's the point!

I instead choose to think about other things. For instance, the tumour is at the front of my brain and the access is easy for the doctors. They found it before it was too late. They are incredible at their job. God does miracles. God is our healer. I have thousands of people from all over the planet praying for me. I have had over 50 different people visit me in hospital this week, some of those every day! This is an opportunity and a wake up call to make the most of my life and inspire others. Our society has benefits and insurance to support me while I am unable to work. And I was wise enough to set those up when I bought my house! I have incredible friends and family who are all drawing closer to each other through this time. I am still alive, each day really is a gift and I am far more aware of that now. There's so much good coming out of this, and so much more to come! Look out world!

I have never had an operation, so this will be my first time under general anesthetic. It is a big unknown for me. I wouldn't say that I am afraid. I am more afraid of the needles still, even though I've had about twenty this week! I'm more uncertain, I just have no idea what to expect. Also, I know scores of people are praying for me to have peace, and it's working! Thanks!

So I thought I'd write a blog now so that, just in case I lose my mind, there will be some record of why it happened. Thank you to all those who are supporting me, especially Cat Thompson, and the Crocker family, and my family, friends and church.

This should be an interesting ride.