Friday, October 30, 2009

Snobbery

I love driving out in the countryside for many reasons. One of those reasons is that people wave to eachother, often for no reason other than they are friendly and think of other people. Nowhere is the contrast so evident than when I am driving in Merivale. (A suburb in Christchurch where people have lots of money but never seem to work). Now this is not a blog to bash the financially well endowed amongst us. Thats not cool. Who knows where money comes from or how hard someone has worked etc... But what I do get annoyed about is how some people don't wave when you give way to them on a narrow street for instance. Common courtesy, manners, politeness. Sure, they were probably too busy looking down their nose to notice me making way for their Merivale Tractor, that's fine, I have a nose and sometimes I like to look at it, it is interesting how it sort of sits there and sticks out a bit, but failing to wave at others who have literally gone out of their way for you is the height of rudeness.

I counted in this past week, a dozen or so times where cars moved out of the way, and waited for other cars to go through narrow parts of some streets in Merivale. I always smile and wave to say thanks, but I was up to about ten before I received a smile and wave in return. Now, That is rudeness. I am not expecting a smile / wave combo. One will do. A smile OR a wave. I understand that women have a hard enough time driving as it is, I don't expect them to dish out a courtesy combo. Only experienced drivers should try that one. But it is very easy to make a single-act-acknowledgement, and there really is no excuse for not doing this. Please-thankyou-handwave. The common manners that are in place in all other areas of Christchurch and the civilised world. Except in Merivale. Pick up your act. You are a disgrace.

Having said that, I know of some areas where a smile and a wave results in severe road rage. That is probably worse than complete snobbery. In order to keep myself clear of this road rage I will not be driving my car through the front doors of Destiny Church.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Kill Me Now

I am sick to death of the media informing me almost daily of the latest thing that will kill me or cause cancer or deform my brain cells to the point where I would even support the "anti-smacking bill". I have done my own research and found out that the most dangerous thing on earth that kills people at an unprecedented rate is the actual act of "living" Last time I checked, it had a 100% fatality rate. living kills me. Oh dear! Should I refrain from living then? Burnt toast kills me, smoking kills me, cell phones kill me and blow up petrol stations, driving kills me, other people kills me. I'd better hurry up and die before something kills me!

There is a constant stream of the latest killers parading through our headlines. Go to the Middle-east, you will die. Swine flu will kill you!!! That's if Bird Flu and microwave radiation don't get you first. This topic is very close to my heart as The Y2K bug took out several members of my own family. They were crushed under a falling stockpile of food and water. In the news today I was informed that sex, alcohol and fat will kill me. Cool! So what you are telling me is that the building blocks of our western society itself will kill me. I don't want to get out of bed. Air pollution will kill me, the sea will soon rise and flood my city, and don't get me started on meteors. They killed all of those nice dinosaurs don't you know!

Hey I know! What about something good? Is there anything in this world that isn't an inherently evil, relentless, psychopathic killer? I have found that there are plenty of things that one can enjoy in life, you just have to remember that the news is not actually true! The world is not as bad as we are told it is! There is sometimes about as much truth in the News as there is in so called "reality tv". So if I were you, I would go right ahead and leave that Glad Wrap on your food as you reheat it in the microwave, because fear is the opposite of faith and is no good for anyone.

So stop watching the news and get on with living. Wait that's bad advice.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Man and Woman Brains

Women and men have many different characteristics. I learnt that from television... Womens minds live in a big one roomed warehouse, whereas mens live in a house with dozens of different rooms. Men can compartmentalise and focus on one thing at a time, while women can multitask and have more stuff happening at once. This is why men can have something difficult going on in their lives but seemingly not care about it. That couldn't be further from the truth. Men have the same feelings as women, but a big difference is that men can wisely, or unwisely, leave the boiling pot or open fire unattended in the lounge while they go out to the shed to do something else. A woman usually has to stay in the same room while she tries to do that different task or activity. So no matter how hard you try to distract yourself from something, it is much more difficult if that thing is in the same room as you. Men are lucky in this way! This is the upside to being poor multitaskers. We have to close off one area of our thinking house and go into another room to do the next task, such as work, or socialising etc, while women have to stay in the same room, for example, the kitchen... I am joking...If we try to understand eachother then we can make things easier for the other person. I would like to be much better at this.

Some men have more insulation between rooms than others. I have parts of my brain stuffed with pink batts. Some of you know that already...no jokes please. As long as I remember to close the door and focus on one thing at a time, then things are fine. It's when I leave the door open and worry about things I shouldn't that things get hard. Some women have a carpeted room, others have polished wood floors where everything echoes around and becomes very loud, unclear and overwhelming.

The good news is that you can refurbish your house. Don't like hearing people in the room next door, then get some pink batts of self discipline and focus installed. Takes a bit of time and can itch you in the wrong places, but it is worth it in the long run. And ladies, if your room is all echoey and confusing, get the Carpet Installer around and get Him to roll out some shagpile. Underlay is beneficial too.
You could try refurbishing your house by yourself, but it is much easier when your friends and family help you. Even easier when you get the Qualified Tradesman to help you. You can find The Good Tradesman in the Holy Pages, under "New Testament".
You can be transformed by the renewing of your house. It takes hard work and discipline,it is not easy.

Maybe it's time to go and clear out the attic, or vacuum the floor. Could you do with a new coat of paint or some bigger windows. Just because your house has had orange glass doors since the 70s, doesn't mean that it is the best thing for your now. Get with the times, stop holding on to your past and freshen up your home. You will feel much better once you have made some changes. Clean the windowsbecause when you have dirty windows, the light inside your home is dark and depressing! You can pick up some window cleaner in all sorts of places. We all live in different houses, but one thing is the same. Once your windows are clean and your vision is clear, everything seems brighter.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Beached As

I find it to be quite ironic. Australians mocking our accent by using a beached whale. "I'm beached as bro". There's two reasons why I find this to be ironic. Firstly, there is the famous Australian beach culture. Secondly, last time I checked the fat country index, Australia was listed as the most obese country in the world. behind old Uncle Spam. So putting those two points together, I think that there would be a much higher chance of finding a beached whale in Australia, than anywhere else in the world. I might add that on my recent trip to Sudney, I stayed well clear of the beach to avoid being harrassed by Greenpeace.

My beached whale analogy follows closely with the joke: Your mum's so fat that every time she goes to the beach, Greenpeace turns up, pours water on her and tries to refloat her in the ocean. But i'm sure you intuitives would have already got that and will be rolling your eyes and groaning at the pain of a joke having to be explained. However, Sensates are people too;)

As NZers, we need to plot our revenge. I suggest using a NZ icon to mock the Australian accent. Possibly a sheep, or a talking pavlova. However, looking at Australian beaches, it's pretty obvious who has the love affair with pavlovas...

My suggestion would be: Shaun the Sheep stars in "Crikey, I'm Fat As a Galah Mayte". "Bast gat uf tha paav mayte, staat doen some langths aat tha pooooel".

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Rest

I like Sundays. One thing that has remained a constant companion for most of my adult life is the Sunday afternoon nap. I used to have a reputation for falling asleep on the couch with all forms of noise generation bombarding my senses. Mostly the 'hearing' sense of course. A lot of it came in non-sensical forms, such as infomercials, or Murray Mexted's rugby commentary, but no matter what form it took, it was always a sleep aid.

Just like watching a game of netball. Yawn. Even thinking about watching a game of netball...

I will have to say though, that motor racing takes the cake as the best Sunday afternoon nap soundtrack. Particular favourites must be the V8 Supercars. Needless to say, the recent 161 lap Bathurst race was an excellent companion for my Sunday afternoon nap. In fact, my afternoon nap began some time before lunch and continued unhindered for about 7 hours. Which begs the question, 'how can an afternoon nap be experienced in the morning?' Well, I will share my thought on that one shall I? I think that you can have a Sunday afternoon nap in the morning because the Sunday afternoon nap is as close to omnipotent as any non-God phenomena can be. And omnipotence transcends time itself! The S.A.N., (for those of us in the profession), has the life-renewing properties unmatched by any other activity known to a single, unmarried man. You enter the activity as a tired, overworked, pathetic individual, and you emerge as a person whose very existence on this planet persuades the moon itself to hang around the Earth for a bit longer. Dreams and perspective are renewed. Anxiety and stress levels decrease, hair is flattened, and excess saliva is carefully removed, and soaked away into the couch, forever.

As always, the Greenies, hemp cardigan wearing, deodorant despising, healthy people amongst us will cry 'why are you not outside enjoying the sun? Who wants to be inside on a day like this?' Yes, I am inside with the tv on, supporting big cars to burn large amounts of fossil fuels, melting the icecaps and destroying tiny island nations, but I have some things in my favour. I live in a house with windows through which the sun shines all of it's goodness. Your amazing outside world doesn't have a monopoly on sunshine so you can't trick me with that one. So back your three-wheeled volkswagen car up buddy. I have the mother of all Gran's Remedys to fix my stinky carbon footprint odour and that is the mighty Nana Nap!

So, there are some unexpected long term benefits to the Sunday Afternoon Nap. Destroying tiny island nations can't be such a bad thing. After all, most of these heretical cultures commit a very unwise sin of trying to have the S.A.N. every day! As with every sinner, they find excuses for their sins, such as "it's too hot to work, so we had to snooze". Too much of a good thing is often a bad thing. If you have too many lollies then your teeth will rot. If you try to inject the Sunday Afternoon Nap into other areas of your week, then you will become a lazy disgrace of a human being. Rest is important every day, but the all powerful S.A.N. should never be removed from its Sunday afternoon throne. Find some other restful activities for the remainder of your week, because sleeping at work, while an admirable and much sought after quality, is often frowned upon by uptight employers.

Friday, October 23, 2009

Follow

I have recently attained three new blog followers. They are my first three blog followers. Hello Vicki, Gimlinz and El Duke. I could hardly contain my excitement when I realised that three people are actually interested in what I might say next. Either that, or they hit the wrong button. But I don't believe that is the case, for I am an optimist...

Isn't it interesting how our feelings hinge on what other people think about us? For some of us, every door in our house hinges on others opinion of us, while others may just hear the cat door squeak down the back, in the laundry. Either way, a varying degree of our moods and emotions are in the unpredictable hands of other people. Is it supposed to be this way? After all, some of us profess to "not care what other people think about me". The religious, perfect person, would say that the only opinion they care about is God's. Sure, that is an admirable quality to have, and one that I hope to get more into my character, but for now, let's just imagine that none of us are perfect. Hard for some of us I am sure. How do we handle others opinions of us?

Well I came across a literally life changing quote a couple of years ago. The quote goes something like this: "What you think about me is none of my business". In other words, it would be great if other people like me, respect me etc, but it's none of my business even if you do! Conversely, my thoughts are private. What I think about you is private. So why should I be trying to figure out what you think about me when I don't want you knowing all of my private opinions? Even the most illogical, deluded atheist can agree with that logic!

Imagine if my life revolved entirely around what other people thought about me. I would spend large amounts of energy trying to see my reflection in the face of others. AM I OK??? What if they had had a bad day? What if they didn't understand me? I would quickly become a shallow, nervous wreck. Up and down like the waves. I don't want to live like that. I would rather look into the Perfect Mirror and keep reminding myself what I have seen. Sure, encouragement is an amazing gift that we all receive far too sporadically and ingenuinely, and we should also be giving to others as often as we can, but we should never rely on the encouragement from others to feel good about life. See what God said and did for you and remind yourself as often as you can. En- Courage yourself. In the original greek language, "encourage" literally means "full of courage". When you are feeling brave nothing can stop you! So start encouraging yourself, and don't pay too much attention to what others think about you. Sometimes they may have a good point, and we should always try to be as humble an teachable as we can, but the opinions of others should never control how we feel.

It can be a nice treat though:)

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Rain

I love watching the rain. I can think of very few things which bring me a feeling of peace like watching the rain. Yes, it is raining now. Yes I am watching it. Ever since I was a young whippersnapper, the sound of rain on my tin roof was enough to stop anything else going on in my mind, if even for just a few moments. I'm not alone in this either! Everyone knows someone who loves the sound of the rain on the roof!

But why? "It makes me feel all cosy and warm inside my house" is a common response. I feel the same. But that sort of answer is never enough for me though! I always have to know why. Why do you feel cosy? Like an annoying little child wants to know

So I pondered some other things in relation to this experience. For me a huge part of it is a feeling of powerlessness that comes from the revelation that I don't control the rain! There is something that I am not in control of! We all spend our lives in a constant struggle to control our experiences, relationships, environments and anything else that might be going on, and this is tiring! Hence why so many people find huge relief through religion, and the act of "giving control of their lives to their god(s)". Ah, I don't have to try harder, I can just ask God and He will be in charge. Often I sit and stare out the window because this is how I understand my powerlesness in the shadow of God. When I see birds hanging around, the leaves rustling in the breeze, the scent of flowers through an open window, and yes, the rain falling all around me, I cannot help but surrender and for a moment, trust something bigger than me.

Which brings me to my second point. I feel safe. Once I surrender and trust, I feel safe. Safe and cosy. Yes, I may be trusting the roof, to stop me getting wet, but I am sure that there is more to it that. If God can control the rain, then I am pretty sure that He can handle my problems, while I take a break from my stubborn and futile self-reliance! Then the rain stops. Do I still trust God? Sometimes. Maybe I should live somewhere where it rains a lot. I hear Auckland is nice this time of year;)

The End

(As a warning for those who don't know me so well, I often speak sarcastically, ironically, tongue-in-cheekily, and sometimes cynically. Please don't take everything at face value, and definitely don't take offence:) I live in an inner world that is coloured strongly by my intuitive nature, that some people have trouble following) Right that's enough explanation of myself, I have lost my rain of thought.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Hello and welcome, to myself.

Hi, this is my first blog, written because I have a job to go to in the morning which I am not entirely passionate about. What's so special about that? Sadly, nothing. I would say most people in our culture would have similar, if not as frequent, dissatisfactions with their life-sapping occupations. I would say because many people are doing a job that they are not made for. But that is a topic for another day. If you were looking for the answers to your life crisis, I cannot promise to answer them. But of course, in a completely un-PC fashion, I will rant about things that the majority of people will take for granted or overlook. Not insignificant things, but on the contrary, things of deep value to every human life, that fall in to the "too hard basket" in our fast paced society. I think people in general, are far too shallow and results focussed. I on the other hand care far more about depth and authenticity and the process, or journey. I am a human being, not a human doing, and I am not alone in holding those values. Sorry about that. So, I must head to bed now, as the 9-5 slave trade requires that I have a certain level of energy, enthusiasm and verticalness attributed to my persona. Falling over at work does not pay well, unless you are a stunt double. I am excited about this.