Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Yay? or Neigh?

4:30am. Considering my recent sleeping patterns, this is a nice sleep in. I'm not complaining, after all it's just a side effect of the medication I am on, which is trying to kill me so that I don't die...

Just coz something feels bad, doesn't mean it's bad for you. Conversely, just because something feels good, doesn't mean it's good for you! They are unrelated. Some stuff that makes me sick, like Justin Bieber, Glee, and The Backstreet Boys is bad for you, but other stuff like chemo makes me sick, but is good for me.

Our feelings are a completely unreliable guide as to what's good and bad. Your feelings don't care about whats "right" or "best for you", etc, they can be the traitor within, caring only about themselves, and not you as a whole person.

Our feelings only care about feeling good. Not what's best for us. Don't be led astray by the lies of 'if it feels good, do it', or 'try before you buy'. These are just catchy sayings beamed out through the atheist media to a carefully and systematically dumbed down populace so that we are brainwashed into living a life with few boundaries, wielding a self-righteous battle axe that constantly whooshes "what about me, what about my rights", every time we blindly swing it, in our perpetually defensive mindsets, which are in that state because deep down, we know we are wrong, but the lies telling you to "do what you feel like, it's my right", "everyone else does it" (DO THEY REALLY?) are just too loud to ignore. Every time you listen to a thought and agree with it, it gets louder. A lifetime of the same thoughts gets pretty deeply ingrained and can take time to change.

This is made even more difficult when thousands of people like me have an antidote to this and keep it to themselves. Church is full of selfish hypocrites, that's why I go there, coz I'm one too, and I get help every week to try and not be one. The whole world is full of hypocrites too, people forget that, but it is harder to be a hypocrite when you don't actually have any real standards, that make you any different from anyone else.

That's some good writing there. Did anyone else just feel that small earthquake?

My mum would have. The world's best mum. Hi mum. Love you. Thanks, Aunty Trish for printing this out and taking it to mum so she can read it. She loves it. Or at least she pretends to, to make me feel good ;)

Here's one for ya: don't wait 'til you feel like doing something. Commit to it, then you will feel like doing it. Oprah won't tell you that one.

But really, who cares how I feel? Well, cliched as it is, because it's true, God does. I remember when I first started going to church, about ten years ago, in my early twenties, I didn't feel good at all! To qualify that, I still remember the very first time I went, because I felt this warmth, this life, light and unexplainable joy this feeling of being at home, they told me that was The Holy Spirit. Whatever that was? Ha ha! I was excited, and freaked out too! In fact, I only ever went to our smaller night service of about 100 younger people my age, for about three-four months, because I was far to scared to go to the morning service, with 5-600 people! I was actually physically sick on numerous occasions, because of the fear of the crowds. True story.

About a year or two later, I got up the front and spoke, was leading a small group and was playing drums in our band!

If I'd listened to and obeyed my feelings, who knows what a boring, empty life I would have now! I can't even imagine! As God says, "just taste and see, that I am good" but people don't do that because they don't want to lose their lifestyle, or friends, or they just love getting pissed and partying too much! Take it from me, that life feels good, I was an expert at excess, (three years at a politically correct brainwashing institution / University), but ultimately is just a bit of a band aid over a wounded heart, it will never make you truly happy or whole, but it will distract you weekend to weekend so that you never get around to living a full life. It is a life of treading water, buying time. I don't want to tread water, I want to walk on water... (metaphorically, not literally, for any stubborn, anti-Christian cynics still reading)

It's a gamble. You might lose things. You probably will lose friends and people will judge you. They are usually just jealous of your boldness, and afraid that their little world will be made a bit uncomfortable. I lost several friends. But I also kept several, and made hundreds more! Just like putting $1000 on a horse to win. Handing over the money has all sorts of mixed emotions, fear, excitement, anticipation, doubt, second guessing your decision, living in a state of what happens next... But when your horse comes in first place at odds of infinity to one, and there was actually only one real horse in the race and dozens of cardboard cutout images of horses, you will be overjoyed!

But it's your choice. I used to go to church for the first few months, hungover, or coming down off drugs, (sorry mum, it was years ago), with about two hours sleep. No one gave a crap! Probably, no one even noticed! Coz your heart is all that matters, and that's between you and God. Like I've said before, going to church doesn't make you a Christian, any more than standing in a garage makes you a car. But if you want to look after your car, it will always be in better condition in the long term, if you keep it in that garage.

My Dad hadn't been to church regularly for probably 40 years. His church was the hundreds of people who needed food, a bed for a while, money for bills, or for a car to get to job interviews. I don't even know half of the good he and mum did over the years, they just kept it all quiet. But sitting by his hospital bed a month or so ago, he knew where he was going, as much as anyone has any idea about it.

If there's no God in heaven, then we are just animals and would be free to just do what other animals do, eat, sex, kill, rape, fight, defacate in our beds, steal other people's stuff because I WANT TO! That whole macro evolution argument has more holes than my favourite undies. But people don't see them, because they DON'T WANT TO! and they are taught evolution as scientific fact, based on some old goats bone. Good evidence... Yeah...

That's so sad

God says "give me an honest go and see what happens". God is love. Love is a choice, and sometimes a feeling. It's your choice. He's already chosen you. Don't worry, our stupid feelings always catch up!


  1. WOW! Words fail me, so much TRUTH in these lines James. How can we make sure EVERYONE reads them? We can't and that is such a shame. because so many people really, really need to. 'Feelings' are way over-rated!
    P.S. buy some new undies :-)

  2. Firstly, my undies are fine. I can still get four more days out of them.
    Secondly,thanks for the encouragement. It's always a bit scary opening up and sharing things when no one responds!