Concrete Pills

Hello there...

Just got back from my third treatment at the hospital. So I've had three chemotherapy sessions and three radiotherapy (RT) sessions now. I'm not radioactive though and I never will be. Just in case you are wearing your lead undies when you hang out with me.

I don't feel any different yet. Actually, I probably feel better if anything, because I am finally doing something, instead of just waiting around and sleeping. I hope it lasts. I think it will, but I really have no idea! This is the first time I've had this happen, I'm no expert at all of this! My doctors were very encouraging, saying I could handle this well, seeing that I am relatively fit and healthy. It's been a long time since someone said something like that to me. I loved it!

Mr Fit N Healthy.

So three down, 27 to go! Thats 10% done! Bring on January 20th! Oh yeah, then a month break, and on my birthday (thanks for the gift) I start six more months of stepped up chemo... OK then, bring on August 20th! Not long to go!


Also, as an aside, if you are finding this whole thing weird and don't know what to say to me or maybe you are uncomfortable and don't know how to talk to me or anything like that, just don't worry! I am still the same person and I love joking around, so maybe you could spend some time thinking up a good tumour or cancer joke and break the ice that way. I am a bit tireder than normal, and want to be alone often so I don't get annoyed with people, but when I'm at church or other social gatherings, like dominating on the backyard cricket front, just be the same and chat about it. I need to talk about it to process and try to figure all this out as well. I can't do that if you won't talk to me! But it's not really a big deal! Just bringing it up in case :)

The fact is, most people whinge about headaches, sore throats, coughs, tiredness, exams, relationships, being poor, being hungry, having an old cellphone, not winning on a computer game, poor refereeing, slow drivers, cold French fries, bird poo on my nice expensive car, rain, heat, cold,

...everything!

I'd like to say "get over it!"

Or possibly, "get over yourself!"

"how dare they drive so slowly in front of me! Do they not know who I am? I'm the centre of the universe! My wants, needs and desires are above all else! I'm gonna overtake them and give them the evils... Oh... It's my Pastor..."

"Hi!" *forced smile and fake wave accompanied by guilt*

I think, if I can handle cancer and other people can handle things far, far worse than that, like when Jesus was tortured and nailed to a cross, then prayed for those who were doing it! we can all probably handle things with a better attitude without getting all snotty and whinging. I'm just saying. To myself as well! Maybe there's something in your life that you could decide to get over?

The End

Oh and by the way, the doctors told me I could be a bit more random now, what with half of my brain being somewhere overseas now. Good luck following my random rants...

That was supposed to be just a quick sidetrack...

I guess what I'm trying say is, I have started. I am a chemo and RT patient. But I still feel normal. Just tired, which can occasionally make me a bit slow. I still haven't had a headache for literally months, or possibly years, it's been a very long time anyway. There's no nausea. Possibly because I have had several anti-nausea tablets today with my chemo, or maybe because I've had thousands of prayers! I reckon a combo of both is a good bet ;)

Thanks for the support, and thanks for reading these blogs, it is actually very encouraging for me to know that hundreds of people care enough to spend time reading my updates! It makes me feel quite good, if I'm gonna be honest!

TTYL (that's me mocking text speak)... LOL

Today...

Today is the day.

I had surgery four and a half weeks ago. Today I go to hospital to start my radiation therapy and my chemotherapy, as well as two more meetings this morning. All going well, I should be home before five this afternoon. Cancer treatment seems like a full-time job!

Thanks for your prayers and meals and other help. I have enough meals for this week. You know who you are :)

So the info from the oncology staff (which is basically the cancer department) is that the first few days should be ok, but then I will start losing my hair and getting extra tired. I will have nausea, irritability, permanent sunburn, possible infertility, weight change, and other positive side effects! But at least I'm alive right?

My good friend Andy Marshall isn't. Yesterday would have been his 30th birthday. But he was murdered in Perth, Western Australia, in May this year by someone associated with a bikie gang (allegedly). So I have a pretty bad problem, but I am still here to enjoy my life as best as I can, so you won't hear me complaining! I'm just grateful to still be alive, even though it's going to be tough for a few months. At least I have that time, which so many people haven't!

So I miss Andy. Nowhere near as much as his family, who it was great to see yesterday, but I will notice him not being around this summer as we have a few days of BBQs, backyard cricket and goofing around. It's so unfair, especially for such a great family. But thats life, we just have to get over it, if and when we can, with the help of our friends and family.

See you again, Andy. Not for a while though ;) I still have work to do!

50 years should be enough please. Thank you.

Yeah... Having said all of that, and as positive as I am determined to be, this whole situation absolutely sucks! I hate it. I want a nice family and kids and house and long enjoyable life that 'everyone else' seems to have. I am still hoping for that. I am still believing for that. But physically, my present reality is that I may only have a couple of years, maybe five or so, to live. I'm unhappy about that. Considering a year of it will be in hospital, while my friends keep having kids, great careers, planning their nice long lives together...

But as I was thinking yesterday, I would rather have five inspiring, legacy leaving years than 50 years where I am just another sheep following the crowd. I would rather be awake and live than asleep and live. That's what all of this has done. I am now awake. It was a wake up call. Stop mucking around being a good person, pleasing people so everyone likes you. That half assed life is a waste of time and will just be pretty much useless in the big scheme of things. Sort it out and get off your white picket fence! Sitting on it is a pain in the $@&!

Ooh, he said "assed"...

Get over it you religious hypocrite

*careful James, you are preaching!*

Oops

But it's still true.

Good point.

I'm a hypocrite too. Not all the time though ;)

Yes.

Internal dialogue finished.

So let's have a shower, and go take some poison and radiation to save my life for a few more years. I'll be back here soon to let you know how it all goes. Short term pain for long term gain. Please pray for strength, it's working so far! I will need more for the next few months.

Thanks family.

Appointlessments.

All right then, I'll write another blog... It's been a few days hasn't it.

Went to the hospital this afternoon, to start my treatments. To cut a long story short, they weren't organised. So they said sorry. We will try to start your radiotherapy and chemo next Monday instead. It's a bit frustrating, considering I was supposed to start last Monday, and things just keep getting delayed because the various departments haven't communicated and coordinated with each other. I've organised drivers and attended two pointless appointments at hospital in the last few days. In addition to this, they have also changed all of my treatment times twice.

I call them "appointlessments".

Also, today one of my radiotherapists said that I may not need chemotherapy after all! I've learnt by now just to wait and see thanks. Life doesn't have to be a roller coaster. Just focus on the hope you have for your future and do what you have to to get there. You don't have to go up and down with every little bit of news that you are given. I acknowledge it, I don't live in denial, but I don't let my moods and emotions follow what other people tell me. That's like being lost at sea and blown around by the wind and waves. Anchor your soul with hope. You don't have to drown in an ocean of negative emotions.

Ooh, I like that...

But, all of this disorganization is understandable, considering Tony Ryall is the minister of health, the man in charge at the top. Bless his heart...

But I jest. Forgive me ;)

In actual fact, the staff at the hospital couldn't be more pleasant to deal with, I have had nothing but great service, which has exceeded my expectations and made things far easier than I would've expected. You should try it out some time. Maybe fake some serious health problems and enjoy the ride. Especially the jelly and icecream. It needs to be seen to be believed.

Also, my friends and family have brought a tear to my eye by how much care they have shown me. If I haven't thanked you or returned your texts and calls, sorry, consider this your thanks. I have had so many offers of help, it has almost overwhelmed me! I guess if I was to say one thing, it would be that I need your help for a few months yet. I will be at hospital every day. I will prob lose my hair and be sick. My sickness benefit starts this week and it's only about the same as my mortgage payments each week, so it's gonna be tough to get by. Not just this week! But much of next year as well.

So, please don't forget me, but on the other side, one or two meals a month, or rides, or visits etc and I will be a busy boy! Also, I am pretty exhausted after around 8pm, so I'm sorry if I come for dinner and then zone out on the couch! Maybe earlier dinners would work best...?

Just some helpful hints that I have learnt in the last few weeks. Lol

Yeah, you all know that life sucks some times, I'm not the only one to have had serious health problems, but no matter how bad things get, there are always so many more things to be thankful for and to enjoy. Im tired, but I don't have to cook tonight! I have to go to hospital again tomorrow, but I get to see my best mate! Etc

Life's not about comfort, that a lie. It's about loving God and loving other people, and that's not always comfortable! But I'm so glad that people love me, and that God loves me. I can't imagine going through this without them.

It's all worth it in the end