Sometimes what seems like a step backwards is actually a step forward. Like moving back in with the parents to save for a house. So... hmmm... I wonder if the opposite is true. If what seems like a step forwards is actually a step backwards. I wonder if any step whatsoever is actually a step forwards, no matter what it seems like. In other words, it doesn't actually matter if you feel like you are making a step forwards or backwards, ultimately, they are all steps forwards. So, one step forward, two steps backwards is actually three steps forward, even though it doesn't seem that way. But surely there must be some steps backwards that are actually, in fact, backwards. Even to the most optimistic of people. What makes a backwards step? Our perception of steps doesn't change what they ultimately are. You might feel one thing, but that doesn't mean you are right, because your feelings are not a reliable reading of reality itself. So back to the question. Regardless of how we feel about something, can you go backwards in life, or is every step, ultimately a step forward? You've heard people say, "sometimes you have to go backwards to go forwards". Do they mean, actually go backwards, or do they mean, "feel like you are going backwards when ultimately you are still going forwards".
Have I lost anyone yet?
Well done for getting this far!
I have some other thoughts about this, but I reckon here's a good time to stop and see what you think!
Can you go backwards in life, or is every step, ultimately a step forward?
Also, grammatically speaking, should I write "forward" or "forwards" etc?
Monday, January 25, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
Laid-back is not Lazy!
Here's some tips on how to be a bit more laid back. I was thinking about this because a lot of people seem to rush around everywhere like headless chickens, with little, or no time for those close to them. Some people always seem to be busy, but never actually DO anything! I was also wanting people to understand that "laid-back" is NOT "lazy"! Laid-back people still do as much as many "busy" people but they give the appearance of being so relaxed that people see them as lazy. I find it a bit frustrating because I really dislike being misunderstood.
1. Do one thing at a time. The world's greatest achievements were made by people who gave the task in front of them their undivided attention. Tackling multiple activities at once might feel efficient, but is it really productive? Is giving each task 30% of your attention for three hours as effective as giving each task 100% of your attention for one hour each? If something doesn't deserve your undivided attention, maybe it's not worth doing at all. Don't just do stuff to be busy!
2. Slow down. What's the rush? If what you're doing is important enough to take up your time,then you might as well enjoy it. Cleaning the house for an hour with your favourite music playing and your bottom shaking is better than cleaning the house in half that time but in a frantic state of mind. Plus, if you're having fun with your chores, maybe other people will be tempted to join. Don't just "get it over with", find a way to make every activity something that you look forward to doing.
3. Stop being a perfectionist. High standards have their place. When performing surgery, for example, or designing a building. But when applied to other areas of your life (your appearance, your home's appearance, your hobbies, your handwriting, whatever) you're practically inviting anxiety into your life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have any standards at all; it's when you start stressing out about the details that you need to ask yourself: "Will doing this right now make me truly happy? Will it make me a better person? Will it make the world a better place?" Usually, the answer is no. Don't allow perfectionism to become the enemy of your potential.
4.Step aside. When you close your eyes and imagine your role in the world, do you see yourself as Atlas, the mythological Titan, holding the weight of the world on your shoulders? Do you feel like you want to relax, but worry that if you do, everything will fall apart? If so, you need to delegate some responsibility. You might think other people won't do as good a job, but that's the thing: they'll never do it just like you do. So give them responsibility, give them advice, and pass the reins. Don't be surprised if they make mistakes; just be there to support them, and let them fix (and learn from) their mistakes. Not only will this take some weight off of your shoulders, but it can be very fulfilling to watch someone grow and mature as a result of your guidance.
5.Remember that it's not the end of the world. Many people spend their entire lives trying to prevent bad things from happening. But guess what? They happen anyway. And life goes on. That's not to say you shouldn't take any kinds of precautions in life, but if the majority of your thoughts are consumed in contingency planning, you're not enjoying life. You're preventing it. Hmmm
6.Focus on what you have, not what you have to do. Sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking "I have to straighten this up...I have to correct him...I have to stop her..." but truthfully, we don't have to do anything. You can walk away from any task, at any time. Try replacing every "have to" with a "want to" and see if the statement still means the same. In other words, is it something that you'll look back on when you're in your deathbed and be happy you did? Most likely not. So appreciate what you have, while you have it.
Tips: When bad things happen (and they will, no matter what) just smile. Remind yourself that:
Life goes on.
You win some, you lose some.
This too will pass.
You can't please everybody.
We live and learn.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Remember that sometimes bad things lead to the best things.
Before you say no, think "why not?"
Shift your mindset so that you concentrate on what makes you feel happy, not on what makes you feel safe.
Pray about it.
Warnings:
Don't confuse being laid-back with being lazy. People who are laid back get things done, but they do so with a relaxed attitude rather than a frantic attitude. Lazy people just don't get things done.
Personality tests such as Myers-Briggs can help you determine your particular personality. Understanding people will stop you judging them and let you cut them some slack. This goes for yourself too!
1. Do one thing at a time. The world's greatest achievements were made by people who gave the task in front of them their undivided attention. Tackling multiple activities at once might feel efficient, but is it really productive? Is giving each task 30% of your attention for three hours as effective as giving each task 100% of your attention for one hour each? If something doesn't deserve your undivided attention, maybe it's not worth doing at all. Don't just do stuff to be busy!
2. Slow down. What's the rush? If what you're doing is important enough to take up your time,then you might as well enjoy it. Cleaning the house for an hour with your favourite music playing and your bottom shaking is better than cleaning the house in half that time but in a frantic state of mind. Plus, if you're having fun with your chores, maybe other people will be tempted to join. Don't just "get it over with", find a way to make every activity something that you look forward to doing.
3. Stop being a perfectionist. High standards have their place. When performing surgery, for example, or designing a building. But when applied to other areas of your life (your appearance, your home's appearance, your hobbies, your handwriting, whatever) you're practically inviting anxiety into your life. That doesn't mean you shouldn't have any standards at all; it's when you start stressing out about the details that you need to ask yourself: "Will doing this right now make me truly happy? Will it make me a better person? Will it make the world a better place?" Usually, the answer is no. Don't allow perfectionism to become the enemy of your potential.
4.Step aside. When you close your eyes and imagine your role in the world, do you see yourself as Atlas, the mythological Titan, holding the weight of the world on your shoulders? Do you feel like you want to relax, but worry that if you do, everything will fall apart? If so, you need to delegate some responsibility. You might think other people won't do as good a job, but that's the thing: they'll never do it just like you do. So give them responsibility, give them advice, and pass the reins. Don't be surprised if they make mistakes; just be there to support them, and let them fix (and learn from) their mistakes. Not only will this take some weight off of your shoulders, but it can be very fulfilling to watch someone grow and mature as a result of your guidance.
5.Remember that it's not the end of the world. Many people spend their entire lives trying to prevent bad things from happening. But guess what? They happen anyway. And life goes on. That's not to say you shouldn't take any kinds of precautions in life, but if the majority of your thoughts are consumed in contingency planning, you're not enjoying life. You're preventing it. Hmmm
6.Focus on what you have, not what you have to do. Sometimes we trick ourselves into thinking "I have to straighten this up...I have to correct him...I have to stop her..." but truthfully, we don't have to do anything. You can walk away from any task, at any time. Try replacing every "have to" with a "want to" and see if the statement still means the same. In other words, is it something that you'll look back on when you're in your deathbed and be happy you did? Most likely not. So appreciate what you have, while you have it.
Tips: When bad things happen (and they will, no matter what) just smile. Remind yourself that:
Life goes on.
You win some, you lose some.
This too will pass.
You can't please everybody.
We live and learn.
Don't sweat the small stuff.
Remember that sometimes bad things lead to the best things.
Before you say no, think "why not?"
Shift your mindset so that you concentrate on what makes you feel happy, not on what makes you feel safe.
Pray about it.
Warnings:
Don't confuse being laid-back with being lazy. People who are laid back get things done, but they do so with a relaxed attitude rather than a frantic attitude. Lazy people just don't get things done.
Personality tests such as Myers-Briggs can help you determine your particular personality. Understanding people will stop you judging them and let you cut them some slack. This goes for yourself too!
Friday, January 22, 2010
Free-Spirited Advice II
WARNING, If you havn't already done so, I recommend reading my previous blog "Free-Spirited Advice I", it will help this make more sense. So off ya go! See you back here in a few minutes. :)
...continued.
Tips
• Free spirits don't like the idea of being judged. Once you start judging them, they feel it's a personal attack and will back off and may even vanish so be careful with your words and actions. But once you meet him/her on the same level (learn to accept them) they can become the most extraordinary individual you ever met.
• Don't try to change him or her. This is a classic mistake, in any kind of relationship, but especially when you're dealing with a rugged individual.
• Give them time to themselves and to their projects. Independent individuals tend to have a burning need to progress alone - sometimes you have to let them go down a path by themselves and just let them know you'll be there for them when they get to the end.
Warnings
• Just because you're inviting a free spirit into your life doesn't mean you need to do dangerous things like practice unsafe sex, do drugs, ride a motorcycle in inclement weather, etc. Not every free spirit is trustworthy (although most are), and some just simply cannot be tamed.
• You can never truly "tame" a free spirit. What you want to do is have the free spirit close to you. Think of it as changing your location (bringing yourself out into the wild) rather than theirs (bringing them indoors).
• If all else fails, try to enjoy the free spirit from afar. Support their activities, and communicate that you appreciate their decisions. Sometimes it is hard to be a free spirit (not everyone accepts them as they are and sensitivity can often be an issue if you don't stay open to their beliefs), and occasionally some encouragement feels good, even if they are incredibly independent.
I hope that hopes someone out there.
...continued.
Tips
• Free spirits don't like the idea of being judged. Once you start judging them, they feel it's a personal attack and will back off and may even vanish so be careful with your words and actions. But once you meet him/her on the same level (learn to accept them) they can become the most extraordinary individual you ever met.
• Don't try to change him or her. This is a classic mistake, in any kind of relationship, but especially when you're dealing with a rugged individual.
• Give them time to themselves and to their projects. Independent individuals tend to have a burning need to progress alone - sometimes you have to let them go down a path by themselves and just let them know you'll be there for them when they get to the end.
Warnings
• Just because you're inviting a free spirit into your life doesn't mean you need to do dangerous things like practice unsafe sex, do drugs, ride a motorcycle in inclement weather, etc. Not every free spirit is trustworthy (although most are), and some just simply cannot be tamed.
• You can never truly "tame" a free spirit. What you want to do is have the free spirit close to you. Think of it as changing your location (bringing yourself out into the wild) rather than theirs (bringing them indoors).
• If all else fails, try to enjoy the free spirit from afar. Support their activities, and communicate that you appreciate their decisions. Sometimes it is hard to be a free spirit (not everyone accepts them as they are and sensitivity can often be an issue if you don't stay open to their beliefs), and occasionally some encouragement feels good, even if they are incredibly independent.
I hope that hopes someone out there.
Free-Spirited Advice I
I am a very independant person. I won't get into the reasons why I have turned out that way, other than to say I have always been like this and completely happy with my own company, often spending days on end without ever thinking of talking to someone else. I just hardly ever see the need! Of course there is a need, but some people are quite happy with their own company. After some research as to why I was like this, one of the terms that was shown to me was "free-spirited". Not the cheesy Hollywood hippy cliche, but someone who could quite happily spend his life just thinking about stuff...going with the flow... Anyway, being like this can make it hard for people who want to be close to you, and since verbally explaining things is not my strength, I thought this could help someone who finds me, or anyone else in their life, difficult to understand. It's some advice on how to handle a relationship with a very independant, free-spirited person who seems to just do whatever they feel like when they feel like doing it!
1. Get your priorities straight. What do you want most out of the relationship? Think about what your top three expectations are: Commitment? Respect? Honesty? Affection? Companionship? Passion? Security? Stability? A free spirit is not the kind to twist and turn to meet your every need (although some can at times, once they feel they can completely trust you). You'll have to make it simple for them by coming to an understanding of what you want most out of a relationship and asking for that, and nothing else.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff. Things like punctuality, precautions, and any other kind of minor limit or inhibition will be of no concern to an independent mind. They like to flow through life, following their whims - and this often makes them extremely creative and fascinating individuals, which is what probably attracted you to them in the first place. By imposing dams, as little as they may be, you could very well suffocate the qualities that make this person desirable to you, if you don't manage to scare them off first.
3. Choose your battles wisely. Don't nitpick. If they're 15 minutes late and you end up missing a movie, roll with the punches and see the next one. But if they're 45 minutes late to pick you up in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood, that's serious. In general, if it doesn't directly threaten the priorities you established in Step 1, then let it go and just enjoy the ride.
4. Avoid setting rules. Restrictions are like chains, and will send this wild horse running towards the horizon. Instead of saying, "Don't ever cheat on me," say "You'd be a complete idiot to risk losing such an awesome person like me just so you could get a little extra on the side."
5. Get to know the person inside out. Study their tendencies, their quirks, their deepest desires, and their worst fears. Always be accepting and open-minded. Knowledge is power. The better you know this person, the less you'll feel the need to control them. Moreover, he or she will sense this and feel like you're the only person who truly knows them and thus, the only person they can be their uninhibited selves around. To a free spirit, this is the jackpot.
6. Give them the benefit of the doubt. A person who values his or her independence will truly test your ability to trust. You need to determine early on whether or not you trust this person, and then trust them completely. Sure, you might get burned, but you also might capture the heart of a person that no one else could touch.
7. Get in touch with your own free spirit. Don't sit at home, wondering what he or she is doing, or when they're going to call. Get in your car and take a road trip. Visit an old friend. Watch a new movie. Taste a different kind of food. Your free spirit will respect you for it, and feel a sense of kinship with you when you both get home and recount your adventures.
8. Appreciate their free-spiritedness. The number one condition that all free spirits demand of their relationships is acceptance. If you don't accept the free spirit, the free spirited person takes that as an assault on his/her freedom. If you accept them exactly as they are and place no expectations/conditions on them, then they can trust you. And only in trust can a relationship develop. Just remember that independence is something to be appreciated, not just tolerated, you'll be giving a free spirit exactly the kind of nourishment that it needs.
to be continued...when I feel like it...
1. Get your priorities straight. What do you want most out of the relationship? Think about what your top three expectations are: Commitment? Respect? Honesty? Affection? Companionship? Passion? Security? Stability? A free spirit is not the kind to twist and turn to meet your every need (although some can at times, once they feel they can completely trust you). You'll have to make it simple for them by coming to an understanding of what you want most out of a relationship and asking for that, and nothing else.
2. Don't sweat the small stuff. Things like punctuality, precautions, and any other kind of minor limit or inhibition will be of no concern to an independent mind. They like to flow through life, following their whims - and this often makes them extremely creative and fascinating individuals, which is what probably attracted you to them in the first place. By imposing dams, as little as they may be, you could very well suffocate the qualities that make this person desirable to you, if you don't manage to scare them off first.
3. Choose your battles wisely. Don't nitpick. If they're 15 minutes late and you end up missing a movie, roll with the punches and see the next one. But if they're 45 minutes late to pick you up in the middle of the night in a bad neighborhood, that's serious. In general, if it doesn't directly threaten the priorities you established in Step 1, then let it go and just enjoy the ride.
4. Avoid setting rules. Restrictions are like chains, and will send this wild horse running towards the horizon. Instead of saying, "Don't ever cheat on me," say "You'd be a complete idiot to risk losing such an awesome person like me just so you could get a little extra on the side."
5. Get to know the person inside out. Study their tendencies, their quirks, their deepest desires, and their worst fears. Always be accepting and open-minded. Knowledge is power. The better you know this person, the less you'll feel the need to control them. Moreover, he or she will sense this and feel like you're the only person who truly knows them and thus, the only person they can be their uninhibited selves around. To a free spirit, this is the jackpot.
6. Give them the benefit of the doubt. A person who values his or her independence will truly test your ability to trust. You need to determine early on whether or not you trust this person, and then trust them completely. Sure, you might get burned, but you also might capture the heart of a person that no one else could touch.
7. Get in touch with your own free spirit. Don't sit at home, wondering what he or she is doing, or when they're going to call. Get in your car and take a road trip. Visit an old friend. Watch a new movie. Taste a different kind of food. Your free spirit will respect you for it, and feel a sense of kinship with you when you both get home and recount your adventures.
8. Appreciate their free-spiritedness. The number one condition that all free spirits demand of their relationships is acceptance. If you don't accept the free spirit, the free spirited person takes that as an assault on his/her freedom. If you accept them exactly as they are and place no expectations/conditions on them, then they can trust you. And only in trust can a relationship develop. Just remember that independence is something to be appreciated, not just tolerated, you'll be giving a free spirit exactly the kind of nourishment that it needs.
to be continued...when I feel like it...
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